Love at First Sight?
Let’s start at something we’ve all experienced.
Love at first sight. We all have stories. Some have happy endings. Others finish more like a slasher movie.
Many if not all, have experienced “love at first sight.”
Based on current neuroscience research just released, it appears that love at first sight is most accurately described as… seeing, identifying, confirming, and targeting the “preferred mate.”
Once seen, identified, confirmed and targeted…it is then that the preferred mate becomes an object of competition. In some respects, the one seeing the target sees that person much as a caffeine addict does a cup of coffee or Diet Coke…a reward for what could rapidly become an addiction.
In fact, there is no identifiable difference between “stalking” and the pursuit of love after first sight.
A) John is intensely attracted to Kris. B) John pursues Kris whether she wants to be pursued or not.
If John is attractive to Kris, she’ll later call it persistence. If John is not attractive to Kris, she’ll later note that she was being stalked.
This passionate addiction is not necessarily a bad addiction. Certainly many addictions are useful and not harmful.
The research, which I will unveil for you in a moment, reveals that “love” feelings vary from person to person but using advanced brain scanning technology one thing is the same for everyone….
The sight of the “preferred mate,” lights up the motivation and reward centers of the brain like a Christmas tree.
Could it possibly be “true” that stalking and love are essentially the same thing?
How’s that going to hold up in court when the restraining order is under request?!
Ready for the truth?
Love and Addiction
I remember when I first started playing casino blackjack as a 17 year old, I’d arrive in Vegas and get to the hotels to get to the tables as quickly as I could. I bet the reward and motivation centers of my tiny brain lit up like that Christmas tree.
Over time the “addiction” habituated. I’m still the first person off the plane but now I’m racing to get to my suite, clean up and lay down. Those reward centers aren’t lighting up as much for blackjack anymore.
Consider the chocolate addict’s desire for the next bite of a Hershey’s bar. Now you begin to arrive on the same page as that of seeing and targeting the preferred mate.
The stalker experiences…addiction…love. For the stalker, male or female, it’s the pursuit of potential mate.
That’s what the person with “love at first sight” experiences.
That’s what the coke addict experiences and there is no value in placing judgments on the feelings as good or bad.
Stalking, love at first sight, and moving toward “feeding an addiction” are neither good or bad. They can be either, neither or something in between. But what they ARE is motives and impulses.
What makes the experience turn out badly is when someone doesn’t want to be stalked by a particular someone…or say they don’t want to give their cocaine or chocolate to that someone.
The Difference Between Sex and Love? Continue…