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You’re walking downtown or in the mall and your girlfriend/wife randomly opens her purse or peeks in her shopping bag. She pulls nothing out. Her search is less than 7 seconds. She continues to do whatever she was doing, probably talking with you.
You wonder.
What just happened?
What happened was she saw that woman right there in the black dress peeking in HER shopping bags while she was talking on the phone.
Observing the woman in the black dress dip into her bags caused your girlfriend/wife to dip into her bag. The simple experience of observing her triggered a constellation of neurons to fire in the minds of many other nearby women as well.
What do they do? Most looked into their purses and shopping bags as well. If they didn’t actually dip into their bags or purses they certainly touched their purse. They don’t have to know the woman on the phone. They simply have to see her peek inside of her bags, looking.
Consciously?
Your girlfriend was oblivious to what just “happened.” And she would tell you that it did NOT happen.
You saw the woman in the black dress as well, but you didn’t check your wallet because your brain didn’t identify or empathize with the woman in the black dress.
Full stop.
What would happen if you could do that on purpose? Having people dip into their purse could be a pretty potent power. Imagine you need someone to sign something without resistance. Could you actually make that happen?
How would you go about doing that by triggering constellations of cells in their brain?
Can I remove you from that world for a moment?
In most cases, the people I influence become my friends. At least I hope they do. I want to find out and feel out who my client is… what their desires, drives, wants, and motivators are.
I want to know who my clients and customers are. I don’t simply want their names and budget.
Literally.
When someone knows you are their friend resistance is reduced. The same is true when someone likes someone else or trusts them. All of these things are open doors for mirror neuron triggers.
Certain questions can trigger SPECIFIC clusters of neurons in the brain. You and I are speaking and you thoughtfully ask me about my kids. That brings up images of one of the two (of my kids) to some parts of my brain it’s as if they are right here, right now, in this precise moment.
One simple nonthreatening question changes states/selves instantly.
There are many, many constellations assigned to each of my kids. I see them, they fire. You mention them. The brain lights up like a Christmas Tree. Millions of specific neurons are triggered as if the person was looking at a photo of their kids or if they were present. Think about this:
People spend years trying to convince people of almost anything but they almost always miss the absolutely most potent tool they have to build a connection with another person…a question.
The power to direct thought and feelings with precision for a Master is uncanny. Causing people to mimic a behavior is something that requires a little practice and a little elegance. And with a question you can do it without the up close visual cues like digging into your shopping bags.
An Influencer Genuinely Wants to Know These Kinds of Insights
• Does she have a kid or four?
• Does he work too much?
• What’s up in their life?
Life Experience is shockingly universal. There’s lots of differences from person to person…but the threads of similar experience CAN run deep enough that “making a connection,” is more difficult than most people think.
I ask a lot of questions.
All things being equal, anything I say is not 1/10 as valuable as what they can say.
I listen and I UNDERSTAND.
That means I empathize.
It means I respect.
Once you have reached this point, there is nothing left to do to persuade this person. It’s now complete. The answer is YES. Everything said by you from this moment on screws everything up.
I feel what they feel. So will you.
I feel it quickly and that means I am on their wavelength almost instantly unlike someone who is trying to “build rapport.” You’ll do the same.
I feel other people’s feelings and that gives one this odd sense of “knowingness,” outside of the realm of certainty.
Can I ask you a question?
You were in a restaurant earlier where you heard, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
Question: Did you grab a toothpick (or a candy) on the way out of the restaurant?
You picked up the toothpick because the person in front of you did. In some way you identified them. Then you were triggered.
They are your friend or perhaps you sensed unconsciously that you had been through some experience together and were compelled to act as if you were connected.
If it wasn’t the toothpick, it was the candy. You don’t pick up toothpicks at the grocery store. You don’t get them at the gas station. You pick them up when –
a) They are INSTANTLY and EASILY AVAILABLE, and
b) Someone else with whom you resonate, picks one up before you do.
You simply “copied” another person’s behavior. If it causes you to pick up a toothpick, and you don’t even use toothpicks…
That’s a meme. (Later, I promise.)
Triggering constellations of mirror neurons goes way beyond toothpicks.
When you “feel” what another feels deep inside, it gives you a huge edge in relationships and in life.
You’re not just a better person. You understand what people need, how they hurt, what will help them. You learn to be a valuable person, not just a better person.
You have an almost certainty about what people will think and do.
So, let’s think about it for a minute.
How do you know what questions to ask? Turn the page to find out…
