Make a list of the …unflattering things… people have said to you (or you frequently say to yourself). Then go down the list and honestly assess whether they hold merit. Some of them won’t, and you can cross those off the list. The others, however, hold a big key to your personality and you ARE in control of those things!
This is a tough little exercise but entertain the criticisms for just 10 minutes.
And remember just because 5 people say you are “X” doesn’t mean you ARE “X.”
It DOES mean that they want to see you as an X or that you are seen as X TO THEM.
THIS is valuable information for you to have.
Part of reality, as irritating as it is, is how other people influence your behavior and your ultimate outcomes.
Legend Point: If you want to achieve, be prepared for quite a number of people to want you to fail! Then, know what their criticisms will be in advance so you are prepared for them. Inoculation makes the poison darts much less potent.
Get the idea that you can be OK even if others are taking their toll on you this week.
You’ll know you’re starting to become successful when you hit their radar.
When you take your motivational drivers to do good and gain positive recognition, they of course continue to do nothing.
How does criticism affect YOUR motivation?
What specifically moves YOU forward?
What causes YOU go forward?
Not all motivators are “negative,” but I do want to go here first and then get to some of the more fun stuff.
“Negative motivators” with the notable exceptions of those related to food, calm and sex are the most powerful drivers. But first things first.
Unwarranted Criticism/Cruelty/Violence are all different sized apples on the same tree. All of them are excellent motivators.
EVERYONE thinks “they are right,” and that you and I are wrong.
How those feelings are transmuted into action for you, or not, is understanding the “field of the game” being played on.
For example, I’m an author. Someone might say something unkind in a book review.
- “He has terrible grammar.” (Ah well… it’s true…)
- “It’s hard to apply.” (That’s because I shared information that no one else has shared before.)
- “He doesn’t spell ‘occasional’ or ‘there’ correctly…or the most egregious sin of all? He misuse’s apostrophe’s.” (I love doing that. It drives critics crazy.)
If you discover areas of your performance, personality or habits that truly could use some improvement, go ahead and use the feedback you have received to make valuable changes in your life!
(Or if you prefer, just drive ’em nuts by playing with their mind because it is obviously craving something to do to get attention without doing actual work themselves.)
You do NOT have to remake yourself in one fell swoop.
Just start working on changing little by little.
If you have a pessimistic attitude about what you can accomplish, begin trying to see how you are going to face each obstacle within each new situation or opportunity.
A pessimistic attitude specifically means that when things go wrong you tend to note that the disaster is common place. The pessimist believes that disaster is the cloud that follows them around. And by the way, that could all be true. Pessimism like paranoia can be useful in an awful lot of situations. But it can be a hindrance as well.
If you lack confidence, begin building a stronger belief in yourself and your potential.
How do you build confidence?