“Unwarranted fear is the door that stops progress toward that which we want in life and it is the door that closes on self confidence.” Kevin Hogan
In Napoleon Hill’s incredible encyclopedia of personal achievement called the Law of Success, Hill compellingly showed that there are six basic fears that stand in the way of you and self confidence.
- The fear of Poverty
- The fear of Old Age
- The fear of Criticism
- The fear of the Loss of Love of Someone
- The fear of Ill Health
- The fear of Death
Overcoming these fears leads directly to being able to build the foundation of self confidence. There are many opposites and antonyms of fear. Some of these are confidence, security, love and trust.
People who have a high level of self confidence are not afraid to go out and “do it now.” They may have no more skill or competence than anyone else, but going out and doing “it” is no problem because they feel certain they will succeed. They are less afraid of making mistakes and utilize more opportunities to succed than those who have low self confidence. Self confident people probably make more mistakes than those who are not self confident, but they probably have far more success than the norm because of their certainty in themselves.
Confidence and competence should not be confused, of course. Competence means that someone does something well. There is an enormous population of competent people who are not self- confident. Some competent people simply worry that they will fail once in awhile and therefore they spend time trying to become perfect so they don’t make any mistakes when they set out on a new project or try to find a new relationship. Perfection is impossible and making very few mistakes can only happen if you use very few opportunities. Therefore in order to develop self confidence you want to allow yourself the experience of making a mistake or even failing once in awhile.
There is a certain charismatic quality that exudes from people who are self confident. You will almost always notice a sense of attraction, an almost magnetic quality toward people who have confidence in themselves. People who are comfortable with themselves and able to make a mistake are people who we feel comfortable with.
Elvis Presley was known on more than one occasion to begin singing a song in concert then stop mid-way through the first verse if he felt he or his band was off even a little. It never bothered him to say, “No, we’re off key, let’ get it right for them (his audience).” The band would start playing again and he would be energized because he was going to do it right. I always thought that was a good slice of life lesson because if the person who was the world’s most charismatic entertainer could make a mistake and say so in front of 50,000 people, why couldn’t I do the same thing? When Presley was on stage his self confidence was often total. He took many chances in front of thousands. He didn’t care if he looked bad starting the song over. He was going to do the right thing for the people who were there to see him. That was one piece of his charisma.
You can have the same experience. In a fashion we all can be like airplane pilots. We set our course then we take off. We get off course and we have the opportunity to get back on course. Certainly, most people don’t get back on course, and many people don’t set a course in the first place. You don’t have to be like most people though. You can begin to take control of your life and set your course. You can allow yourself to fly off course and then re-set yourself and get back on course, knowing that if you stay focused you will get to where you want to go. It takes a lot of self confidence though. You must be able to allow yourself to drift off course and make mistakes. You must allow yourself to be able to correct yourself mid-flight and not try to make everything perfect from the start. There has never been a flight plan where a plane didn’t go off course in mid-flight. There simply are too many variables to control from before take-off. Be like a great pilot. Plan well, be safe, be secure, be prepared and then take-off. Make corrections and adjustments as you fly toward your destination knowing that you will get there!
Circle of Confidence
The Circle of Confidence is one of my favorite hypnotic experiences that creates change quickly.
Imagine that you would like to have dynamic self confidence in certain situations. For example, the next time you go to talk with your boss or go on all of your sales calls you might want to have self confidence that makes you virtually unstoppable. The Circle of Confidence will help you move toward this powerful experience. Follow the process below and you will experience high powered self confidence today!
- Stand up in such a way that you have at least four feet in front of you and two feet of floor space behind you.
- As you stand up, close your eyes and return to a time when you felt totally self confident. Return to one specific event where you had the self confidence that you would like to have when you are going to need it most. As you think about this experience, imagine that you are back in your body at that time…and that you see what you saw then, hear what you heard and feel what you felt. Be there now…
- When you feel totally self confident, imagine a circle encircles your feet where you are standing now. The circle can be any color at all…What color is it for you?
- As the feelings of self confident begin to fade, step backward, one step, out of the circle and let all of the feelings of self confidence stay in the circle, waiting for you to step back in.
- Take a deep breath as you step forward into the circle, bringing in all of the feelings of self confidence that you had left here and that you can take forward with you out of the circle when you are prepared to go forward.
- Feel those feelings of self confidence and notice how you change inside. Notice how your posture changes. Notice how your breathing changes. Notice how you feel.
- Step backward out of the circle, leaving all of the feelings of self confidence within the circle…as you can only take them forward with you, not backward.
- Notice the change and the lack of self confidence that is behind the circle.
- Take a deep breath as you step forward into the circle. Feel all of the feelings that the circle is there to give to you. Soon you will be able to take them forward with you into specific situations.
- Think of a trigger to trigger off these feelings. Maybe you see a door handle in front of you…and maybe that is the door to your next sales call or your bosses office. From this moment forward when you see a door handle or a doorknob…or even a door or entry way, you will see and feel your circle of confidence under you and then you can walk forward through the door with unshakable self confidence.
- Now, walk forward out of the circle and bring those feelings with you as you open the door that you see within your mind’s eye. Good!
Who Do You Know that Has Great Confidence? We all know someone who we would like to be like in some way. Whether the person is a celebrity, a friend or an acquaintance we all see good qualities in some other people. The quality of confidence is one we are drawn to. We all are interested in people who have that sense of comfortable certainty about them. Using a similar tool of hypnosis that we did in the Circle of Confidence exercise, we can bring in the characteristics another person holds, into our self as well. In some ways this is like modeling other people. The process works wonderfully well and you can use it anywhere you are.
- Think of someone whom you know or know quite a bit about, that has great confidence. This should be someone you would like ot be like in some ways. Close your eyes and think of that person now.
- See that person in your minds eye behaving in a confident manner. Notice how they move, how they carry themselves, how their face and eyes look. What is their posture like? Notice how they walk. Notice how they use their hands.
- Notice how they interact with other people. Notice how they communicate with others. Notice the words they say and the way they talk. What are their vocal intonations like?
- Imagine that person is standing in front of you now. Imagine that you can take one step forward and walk “into” them and take on all of their qualities of confidence and certainty. Imagine they are like a hologram. They are right there in front of you just waiting to share their space with you!
- Imagine that person is one step in front of you and you can feel the confidence emanating from them. You can see, feel and hear them communicating wtih certainty and clarity. They are comfortable with everything and everyone around them.
- When you can actually feel the confidence the exude, take one step forward and let them merge into you taking on all of their confidence and sense of inner strength.
- Take another step forward and notice that those feelings now stay with you and it allows you to feel even more confident and self assured. You don’t just feel self confident, you ARE self confident.
- With this new experience and feeling of self confidence, look around in your minds eye and see who their is to communicate with so you can take advantate of this new found confidence.
- Notice how people respond to the more confident and more comfortable you.
- Decide if this is how you would like to be and act from now on. If it is, take one more step forward and feel the feelings and experience of self confidence permeate every fiber of your being…now…good.
- When you open your eyes you can bring these feelings and learnings with you into your everyday experience, knowing that you can always add another person’s inner strength into your own. You can let go of this individuals confidence by simply stepping three steps backward and releasing those feelings at will.
- Now open your eyes. Take one, two, three steps forward and be as confident as you now are and desire to be from this day forward…
Imagery for Confidence Building
“Close your eyes and take a deep breath in…and hold…and release…take another deep breath in…and hold…and release…good…”
“The mountain has been calling you for years…you have been afraid for so long to climb the mountain for so many reasons…you have wanted to see the view of everything that is from the peak of the mountain…you have wanted to know something other than the meadow… which… although beautiful…and familiar…is only the meadow…and you have been coming here for years and years and years…and once again you see the mountain…but you have always been afraid…Sure those that ascend the mountain came back wiser…and happier…and healthier…but it could take a long time to climb the mountain…experience the mountain and come back down changed…a long time…
“From the meadow you can see the peak of the mountain…the snow pack around the top…and you know that there are overlook points on the mountain that would allow you to see…with clarity…all that is around you…for miles and miles and miles…but it is so far up to the overlook points…and the meadow is, after all, a beautiful place to come to…
“You wonder what would happen if you fell and hurt yourself or became exhausted from climbing…it could be a very frustrating experience…you imagine…yet…you know that it would change your life…but you would feel the pain of the trek…the pain and the effort to climb the mountain is enormous…the experience isn’t even certain…you may get up there and be fogged in for a day or a week or more before you can experience the view…the clarity of vision…the insights that you seek…so why not stay in the meadow…it’s pretty here…after all…
“You look up and the mountain calls. It has been calling you for years…but part of you is afraid…you would look down and you would feel like you might fall…you would probably lose your grip and hurt yourself like you did when you tripped in the meadow the other day…
“…and then you wonder what would happen if, maybe, you simply kept your eyes on the peak and didn’t look back…what would happen if you stayed focused on the peak like a target and simply continued regardless of the elements…after all, you know that eventually you would get to the top if you climbed just a little bit every day…and even if you slipped and tripped you could always get back up, even in pain and continue on…knowing that you would make it…just because you decided you would make it…and it might be foggy…and you might not see anything…but then you don’t see anything from the meadow…there is no clarity here either…you can’t see all that is from here…so staying here…in the meadow is no different from climbing the mountain and being fogged in…
“You decide you will do it…you will keep your eyes focused on the peak…you will climb the mountain carefully and with the certainty that you will reach the top…and that everyone at some point in their life must make the trek out…to see what is “up there.”
“You collect your backpack and all of the tools and utensils you will need for the adventure…and you begin your climb…