You Can’t Get What You Want…
…THIS Gets in the Way
Why don’t you get as much accomplished as you think you can? Why won’t that change until you make one or two tweeks in your life?
You and I generally begin our day with close to a “full tank” of Self Regulation “Units” (SRU’s).
The SRU’s allow you and I to control our behavior so that we can focus on and attain our desires.
Each time we exercise/utilize “Self Control,” we use up SRU’s. Yes, you only have so much Self Control you can use each day, and, yes, it is renewable, though not always to the full tank.
So, perhaps we wake up with 100 SRU’s.
The kids are acting like idiots this morning and, instead of killing them, you decide to sustain your wrath and allow them to live. That cost you 5 regulation units. You’re down to 95.
The spouse said something incredibly stupid and you chose not to point out their temporary low IQ and social skills. That took 8 Self Regulation Units. Why? Because it took a LOT MORE restraint to not lay it on the line with someone over 21 than someone under 13.
Now it’s almost time to head to the office, and you are down to 88 SRU’s. 12 down and you haven’t gotten out the door yet.
You’ve been reading some “Self Help” books lately and you really want to make some life changes. Lots of new goals and even a handy dandy time management planner.
Where Do You Find Real Self-Help?
Unfortunately, people don’t know the myriad of reasons why they fail and the “self help” books often make it all sound so easy. In fact, people religiously can adhere to the prescriptions in the books and typically have absolutely nothing positive come for their efforts. And, certainly, that is typically true over the long term.
Life CAN BE a lot easier than it currently is but only if you can understand what is really at work.
The concept of SRU’s can be really crucial to success and failure. Most people who succeed have only a HINT as to WHY they “got lucky.” Or worse, they mis-attribute the causes of success, and then you go modeling them and nothing works…
Watch how fast your gas tank dries up …
…you were down to 88.
A good night’s sleep will reset you back to about 100,tomorrow, but every time you have to exercise self restraint or intentionally control your behavior, you use up SRU’s…today.
As soon as you use your daily supply, you are out.
How fast/slowly can 88 units run out? And THEN what happens?
The drive to work – you get cut off. (No units used up.) It happens again but this time, you choose not to have road rage and honk the horn and scream. (4 units used up.)
You look at the doughnuts you bought at Dunkin Donuts. (No units used up) You could eat them (No units used up) You decide to be healthier and not eat them. (6 units out the door.)
Now you get to the office and throw the donuts into the trash on the way in (5 more units)
You get to the desk and there is an envelope indicating you have to fire someone. (No self regulation units used up) You fire the person. (No self regulation units used up) You control and compose your Self…choosing carefully to NOT yell at YOUR boss who made you do the firing and you are disgusted with her request to the point where you could smack her a good one. (10 Self Regulation units used up)
Customers call with complaints this morning and you stay cool under the gun several times before noon, not saying what you really think at any point…keeping your thoughts inside of your brain and out of your mouth. (19 units evaporate.)
Lunch comes and everyone is heading to the nice restaurant across the street. Drinks all around and you refuse the alcohol so you can keep your tongue and maintain control today. You see the fantastically tasty food options, refuse them all, opting for salad and an Iced Tea. (14 units used)
Your co-workers rib you for your prudish choices and you choose not to return the volley(s). (4 units used up)
You get back to work and open the mail on the desk. You see that the IRS has chosen to audit you (zero units used up). You have done nothing wrong, but they want $30,000 in extra taxes for some mumbo jumbo reason (still zero units used up). You are angry (still zero units used up). You throw the letter and all the mail against the wall. (zero) Your rage at this ongoing injustice grows and you choose not to call them and tell them to go jump and stay jumped. (12 units)
You open the desk drawer and grab a stash of M and M’s and munch away. (0 units used) An employee comes in whining that they need the rest of the day off to go take care of sick children at home. You roll your eyes, think of how unnecessary this is, but choose not to tell him off (4 units) and send him on his way.
The rest of the day is engaged in open, straightforward debate over corporate policy. (Zero units used)
The drive home is uneventful.
You are exhausted and get home, and people expect you to cook. Instead of telling people to cook for themselves you decide to just let it slide and start cooking (5 units used)
The spouse returns from their day and they are in a good mood (zero units) and it drives you nuts that their day was good and yours was bad (zero units) but you choose not to complain about your day or point out how wimpy their job is. (5 units used)
Everyone sits down for dinner and the kids start spouting off about how they are sick of their teachers and the new school rules relating to dress and behavior.
You cut like a knife into the conversation. “In the real world you’ll be praying for days like that. BIG DEAL. Grow up! Now shut the he…up and pass the damn vegetables.”
The place goes silent.
You are an obvious psychopath…mentally disturbed….deranged…and when you pull out the Self Help books or whatever…there are no more self control units available for your behavior.
You eat like a horse, you down food that tastes good, you slam the door. You have no control of your behaviors. You simply do what you feel like doing and it actually “feels cathartic” to do so.
No one wants to talk to you and you don’t care. You just want peace.
The idea of DOING anything other than watch a TV show is laughable. There will be no self improvement. You want to have a drink, “relax” and just let it all hang out.
Work on a part time business from home?! Not a chance. You’ve had it.
Tomorrow you will pick up the pieces.
But…until then it’s popcorn and beer, baby.
In my next book, I’ll show you, in depth.
For today, know that one change will help enormously. The amount of SRU’s you get every day is not absolutely fixed, but it is not easy to change the size of the gas tank on your car.
Therefore, for now, accomplish all the projects that will give you the future you want, FIRST each day. Because you will not have the juice to fight an empty gas tank for long.
That said, this doesn’t mean you have to be a “day person” instead of a “night person.” One great advantage of being a night owl is the ability to get stuff done BECAUSE no one else is around to email you, to ask you for favors, to go to the doctor, to interact. You get a chance to get things done without the distractions and disturbances of the day.
If the work you are doing at night is creative and fun, fascinating and exciting, it requires NO SRU’s. But building a website, writing a program, unless fun, are best done at the crack of dawn or long before lunch!
Next time: The Plan to Succeed in spite of the gas tank!
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