Kevin Hogan

International Speaker

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The Most Common Reason They Say, “No” and How to Overcome It

The reason that word “no,” comes out of their mouth is because it is an instant reaction. They did “this” or something like “this” before and they determined quickly it was a “bad decision.” About 90% of all “No’s” come from this background.

Pay close attention….

All of a sudden the water turns cold. You turn around in the shower and quickly turn the temp up up up. But it doesn’t go up. Someone else is using the hot water in the house! You turn it off instantly. That relaxing 20 minute shower has been destroyed. Six months later you still remember it as someone being incredibly rude and that it was a bad shower. You absolutely don’t remember the 20 minutes of relaxation.

The next day you take a five minute shower. It feels good. Warm, relaxing. But you remember that someone will probably start using the hot water so you get out fairly quickly, and, it was a nice shower. Relaxing, if not short. And later that week, you remember that it was a good shower.

Like all relationships, they have ups and downs. Most of the time they are in the middle and you really aren’t in a relationship but working at work, cleaning the house. Whatever. Then you go through a period where you argue, fight, bicker. Ugh. It’s horrible! Time for a new relationship. The news is broken. Arguments elevate. You knew it! And for the rest of your life you tell people that you can’t believe you stuck with it for 25 years. A waste of life.

In order to understand how to influence you need to understand how people make decisions, how they remember the past and how they see the future. This is what has been missing for hundreds and making persuasion a “numbers game” instead of essentially, “selling everyone.”

As you’ve seen from the above examples, people:

  1. Remember peak experiences. (Especially the really bad experiences)
  2. Remember how things end.

And what you will see later is that people:

3. do not see the future clearly, they do not know how they will feel when certain events transpire, even if they want them to, and that all of this is crucial in communication, persuasion and obviously your business and relationships.

In fact, this might be some of the most important information you have ever learned…read on.

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and then that person says, “why did you say that?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Yes, you did, I heard you!

“I did not!”

That night in separate conversations (or journal entries) both of you make the other person out to be an idiot or thoughtless or something else that isn’t positive!

Clearly one of you is incorrect, but both of you are equally certain that your memory is correct. The fact is that trying to resolve this is impossible. This is the problem of memory. The brain makes stuff up out of thin air to fill in blank spots. Everyone experiences these moments where they said or heard (or SAW!) something that actually wasn’t articulated…or heard. You can’t convince a brain otherwise because, it…was…there!

Now, if you can’t rely on our memory to know what really happened 30 seconds ago, how can you rely on it for accurately representing what happened in the past? Answer: You can’t …but only you know this. The other person doesn’t read Coffee! Therefore you have to either move past this point or give them a short course in neuroscience. If you choose that later, you can start with this:

In one recent research study…people were having a necessary colonoscopy. (I’m simplifying this…) During the process they were asked to share their level of discomfort at regular intervals. At the end of the process for one group the scope was allowed to simply “not move” for a minute right before it was removed. The other group had the scopes removed a minute earlier (when the colonoscopy was actually finished) and with no additional minute of “rest.”

Results: The group who had the scope in longer but finished “easier” remember the colonoscopy very differently from those who had the “shorter time” colonoscopy. The colonoscopy that had the extra minute of no scope movement while still inserted, remembers the colonoscopy as “not that bad.” The group that had no extra moments of no moments remember it as much much worse.

Key point: When matched with how people actually reported they felt at each interval in the moment (not later that night in a journal entry), memory reflects the end of the memory and not the entire experience. People remember how it finished and generalize it back to the rest of the experience.

Strategy: At each step, know that the person you are talking with does not operate with a video camera in their mind. They operate on their memories. It doesn’t matter if they are accurate or not. Therefore you need to clearly show how not acting (in a way they recall as being painful in the past) will have dire consequences.

Then you must show how both decisions could play out along with the probabilities of both.

For someone who lost money in the stock market, you can understand their interest in staying in the money market! Unfortunately, the reality is that they are probably going to go broke if they do that.

You simply can’t tell them to ignore the past.

You must point out that it COULD happen again, though it is more likely that because the environment is not completely different, typical results are more likely.

The research in persuasion is clear. You MUST point out both possible futures for you to be successful. Otherwise, the person will be destined to go with what they “feel”, instead of what makes sense. The phobia of losing is tough to get past without at least acknowledging and examining those possible outcomes.

Then finish with a very clear picture of a very likely future. If you paint it too rosy, you will both lose. They will feel manipulated. If you paint it realistically, there is an excellent chance that they will respond appropriately.

Ultimately the stock market crashed, the Titanic sunk, the Twin Towers went down but that is not a reason to avoid the stock market, boating or tall buildings. In fact, having failed in the first two quarters of the game is all the more reason to try harder in the second half.

That is the message that needs to be made clear to your client and they will get it, if you use that metaphor.

Never let a bad result in the past phobically turn your client into a non-client!


Where Can You Find More Information Like This?

Science of Influence: The Master’s Home Study Course CD Set Volumes 1-12

Here are just some of the incredible things you will learn when you receive the first 12 cds in the series:

  • Discover which of the desire to gain or the fear of loss is TRULY the far greater motivator and how to harness that power in your persuasive messages.
  • Learn what may be the single most important element of influence you have ever been introduced to. I have NEVER released this information on audio, video or in manual form
  • Discover how skeptical and non-skeptical people perceive and respond to persuasive messages in a VERY different fashion. (Hint: If you don’t know this information you will automatically lose almost 1/4 of all of your encounters.)
  • Ethical techniques to hypnotically enter another person’s mind and reshuffle their deck!
  • The one way that reciprocity can blow up and completely backfire.
  • How to prepare your unconscious mind to always present the right body language at the right time.
  • There is one KEY factor in making your clients decisions permanent: Here it is!
  • How to specifically use Hypnotic Confusion in influential messages.
  • The One Question that someone MUST say “Yes” to every time!
  • The most effective non-coercive way to gain compliance on record.
  • How do you create metaphors…based upon the person/audience you are speaking to?
  • So much more!

Science of Influence: Strategies & Syntax of Persuasion


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