How to Rapidly Connect at a Deep Level with Men & Women
Most people have no idea what to say when they meet someone, whether in business, or the girl at the table over there.
Then, when they “think of what to say”, they force it out then trail off into nothingness …
Today, you get to see just what it is that creates an instant bond between people. And you’ll learn how you can do the same thing.
A big part of REAL RAPPORT is creating the sense of familiarity and comfort between you and another person where no familiarity and comfort previously existed.
Helping people be at ease in your presence stops resistance to rapport and bonding.
Today let’s look at the beautiful girl who is just as inclined to have instant rapport with you as the UPS guy. Then let’s look at how to move from rapport to bonding whether in the business project and those involved or with that beautiful girl.
I sold advertising and sponsorships after I left University Round One.
I did this for a number of years for a number of different companies and organizations. I learned what worked and what didn’t. I learned how clients should promote and how they shouldn’t. I asked tons of questions about what businesses did that made them money and I asked them what failed to bring in new customers.
It never dawned on me that being very personal and intimate from the first seconds could lead to long lasting relationships.
I never liked “chit chat” or “small talk.”
If I was going to talk, I wanted to learn something or accomplish SOMETHING.
The one thing I loved about University was that it taught me to ask the right questions when researching.
… they could have just taught me that on day one …
Selling Advertising is an Education
Selling advertising was an education and a revelation.
However, it became clear very soon that I couldn’t stay in the business for long.
I didn’t like the business, but what I learned while in the business was priceless.
It taught me what Main Street businesses were likely to fail (specifically, fail in this context means to not be profitable enough to make a secure living) and I learned the very few business models that were likely to succeed.
I learned how to rapidly evaluate if a business was profitable and whether they would be. I learned the real significance of location.
After thousands of appointments with managers and owners of mostly small Main Street Businesses, I became immune to the fears of asking “personal questions.” Whether someone was old or young, sexy and sweet or disabled and old; I enjoyed connecting with people. Every day people told me things that only their accountant or lawyer should know.
I appreciated people’s trust. I enjoyed the “fun” I could have with people in any context. I loved to listen, learn, laugh.
Why did all these people tell me pretty much anything I asked about while I was on an advertising sales call?
One day I hung out with my my good friend Dave Lakhani at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. We had a blast, stayed out of trouble but talked to the most beautiful women I’d ever seen. It never dawned on me that I should be uncomfortable.
Was I lucky that I was able to bond with men and women so quickly? How was it that deep connections were made that have lasted a lifetime in many, many cases? I did a few things well.
Today the personal experience, the art and the science of instant rapport and bonding.
Making a Connection
I connected with people very quickly. In two minutes I typically went from initial resistance to a glue-like rapport.
Because the connection was so strong after an hour, I did business with the owner. They felt like they knew me. And when I returned the following year, that proved very true. They remembered my name, my life situation, my family members’ names. I had the same experience for my hundreds of clients. What I didn’t realize was how unusual this was.
I never really did much mirroring/matching. It “worked”, but it was really elementary.
So what did I do that was replicable?
Can YOU bond with others quickly?
Confirmation Bias: Don’t Tell Me What I Don’t Want to Know
Tell people what they know to be right is right and everyone else is crazy and you have free real estate in their brain.
Everyone knows that they prefer one news channel or newspaper over another.
Conservatives like Fox News.
Liberals read The Huffington Post.
The media prepare the news each day with their customer stereotype in mind.
The media has learned that people seek out a point of view and information that confirms what they already believe to be true. In fact, people turn away from information and points of view that they perceive as dis-confirming what they believe to be true.
Key Point: People actually reject in their mind information that contradicts what they believe.
That’s why I read The Huffington Post. It’s the most distant frame from how I evaluate information in the news world. So it makes a great “checker” for me.
The last thing you want to do is to fall into the trap of watching and reading only what you currently believe.
To understand reality means you understand how people perceive reality.
If you only read news slanted for your current beliefs you can’t evolve and you will likely devolve intellectually.
The World Goes ’round Factor
This single factor means that people engage in circular thinking and circular belief structures.
That means that if one is a Democrat, the Democrat will tend to read political content that confirms their Democratic belief structure. That causes people to experience reinforcement of their beliefs, values and attitudes. It strengthens those beliefs.
For people to take in content and information whether video, audio, or text that creates internal conflict is generally rejected on impact.
The exceptions are important.
The Independent Thinker
It’s not always easy to find people who think first then feel about what they think instead of filtering through feelings and then forming thoughts from those feelings.
Exceptional people tend to acquire more and dis-confirming information in reference to their beliefs, attitudes and values. These people are Optimizers. They are scientists. They want to have dis-confirming information about some subject or issue.
In politics, these people are generally referred to as “Independents.” But this group of “Independents” isn’t always the same exact group of people with each different value or belief.
The Independent Political Point of View is one value. Within this value structure, the person questions, is curious, thinks in a balanced fashion. They accept input and information that can shift their beliefs.
The same person might also be a Christian. Perhaps since the day they were born. They are dedicated and devout. They have no interest reading dis-confirming information about their Christianity and only tolerate information on “the edge” when it is being received in different contexts.
For me, when I was a member of church X I wanted to read everything I could about beliefs of church Y and try to prove the beliefs of X wrong. How else could you grow and evolve if you didn’t?
The above encapsulation of similarity binding can be helpful in generating rapport.
When you have been generating rapport with someone, the old fashioned way … you didn’t know until today, that there is a far more effective approach that works … for pretty much everyone.
Think about it. Fox News knows their Conservative. The Conservative knows that they will be validated when they listen to Fox News.
You can almost always bond with someone who thinks exactly like you.
And now you can bond instantly with any stranger …
Rapport and Bonding with Strangers
What if you aren’t all that familiar with the other person?
You don’t know them. You don’t have their profile.
Now what do you do?
You might do what your Mom told you not to do … which is the one thing I did that my Mom told me to not do!
I freely shared my beliefs and attitudes about others, approaching what you might call “gossip”. Sometimes, those beliefs were very positive and upbeat. But more often it was all about being real.
What I discovered was that things I was frustrated with or irritated about, when shared with someone, helped create the strongest and most rapidly formed bonds. It was the “negative” that did it. I confess I was careful not to gossip. I hated to talk about someone’s life or beliefs or ideas. But I had no problem telling people what I thought of their behavior. Their level of kindness.
Gossip, you will see, is the ultimate super glue. I wasn’t using super glue.
I was content to freely share positions about big issues, like politics and religion, stuff everyone taught everyone else to never talk about.
The research done in this area, however, is crystal. It would have you go the extra step.
For me, it just seems wrong and bad strategy.
But I’m wrong. It’s not.
The Super Glue of Human Bonding
This kills me. But…the research is overwhelming. Gossip. The fastest tool to instant connection would have you say something critical … negative – about some other person.
So Alicia and Beyonce have a meeting. Alicia’s best chance to get Beyonce to join her cause, buy her product or do just about anything, is to share something negative about Caitlen and have that something reciprocated.
Caitlen is the secret to a very close, glue-like bond for Alicia and Beyonce.
This is how people become magnets to one and other.
Here’s the thing. The criticism doesn’t have to be all encompassing. It could be, but all it has to be is “she can be such a bit*h”… and maybe, “when things aren’t going just perfect between her and Darryl.”
The closeness that is now felt between the two people is stronger than any other rapid link that can happen between two people.
Friends at first sight … or more accurately … first criticism.
Gossip that causes the revelation of a shared negative attitude generates a STRONG emotional bond.
Gossip isn’t the only binder between two people, it’s the most effective.
Cavemen (and women) Likely Gossiped (and bonded)
Gossip is a human characteristic that has bound people as long as language has been spoken. Gossip is typically about someone who is a threat of some kind to the gossiper.
“Gossip” seems harsh. But obviously it’s real. It’s important for some adaptive reason. It MUST have a huge evolutionary purpose.
We’ll go deeper here in a few weeks, but for now, think about this.
You have probably heard all of your friends gossip about each other when that person is not in the group tonight. And they all still go to the party together next week.
Then the one person in the “group” who doesn’t go is the one who gets talked about. Absence means you get talked about in a disappointing fashion.
Gossip is Glue
Gossip isn’t just a shared attitude, it’s a shared attitude about someone else.It isn’t positive.
Positive attitudes are not as binding (between people) as negative attitudes and comments.
And gossip can be about one of many different people.
That someone could be an actress, the neighbor girl, the ex-boyfriend. The content could be anything that is negative enough to generate an emotional reaction in someone.
It’s not necessary for Alicia and Beyonce to even KNOW Caitlen, so long as they share the same criticism.
How specifically do you create such a bond?
But what if it isn’t gossip? What if the shared attitude is about a Policy? That’s a political opinion. You aren’t saying you saw the President grab a smoke, you’re going to talk about one of his policies or something you believe about him as a person.
You don’t know the President. I don’t know the President.
From a bonding point of view, it is unwise to criticize someone with a sweeping generalization. If you’re going to communicate with someone you are building rapport with, it is much smarter to talk about a specific trait, issue or life policy.
The person might like the other person, but feel hostile toward a single idea they hold. (or vice versa)
That can bind, though not as well as gossip. Obviously I don’t gossip. I don’t like gossip. I see it’s power every day. It has its benefits but there sure are a lot of drawbacks to gossip.
A Positive Common Bond
What about positive stuff?
Dan is talking to Edward and says, “Hey you like The Beatles, too?”
That is like the Kindergarten kid’s paste that is on the other end of the spectrum of Super Glue. It’s a step in a direction where the gossip is the Super Glue.
When you find out that someone likes something, they often have it on their wall. It’s like advertising. The guy at the office puts a picture of his fishing trip in plain sight. You see that, but you really haven’t made a huge discovery. It’s there, it’s just generally not huge. There are exceptions when the piece recognized is about mutually shared identities.
But, people don’t typically put their negative attitudes and beliefs up on the wall for everyone to see. When you discover this guy doesn’t like something about someone, you’ve made a real discovery. You’ve learned MORE about them than you did discovering a positively held view.
Let’s get crystal clear.
Discovery is Key and Stealth is Necessary
Once you find out someone else is disgusted with X, if you also share that disgust, you have a powerful connection.
How strong? People can live with each other for 10 years and not have a connection so binding.
________________ is a magnet. Instant bond …
Familiarity is a Magnet
The research in this area is clear.
People who share a negatively held attitudetoward another find themselves closer to the person they are sharing with BECAUSE it makes the person FAMILIAR to them and FAMILIARITY is a MAGNET.
It’s not always the perfect answer to share a strongly held negative attitude about another with someone.
One thing is certain: If they agree, the two of you will be bonded. You will be familiar and people seek familiarity. i.e. people will seek *you.*
When you hear people gossiping, realize that you don’t have to join in. In fact, you probably shouldn’t. But also realize that they are gossiping. That means the super glue is bonding. Always remember that going forward.
Communicating about someone with whom another has gossiped about youis like talking to the enemy, even when they are a seemingly close friend.
The brain is a funny thing.
Hidden Persuaders that You Can Use
Working With Human Nature to Gain Compliance in Selling, Marketing, Business and Personal Relationships…Instantly!
“Human nature is about right now, in this moment, the next ten seconds.”
— Kevin Hogan
Covert Factors Matter
On 9 CDs you can listen again and again to burn these new concepts,
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If you remotely wonder if that statement is correct, think about all of
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Getting people to “yes,” has never been more difficult in your lifetime than
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I tried to fit this on 8 CD’s so it would fit the containers we….
…invested in. 🙂
This is a lot of information and it just got a little bigger than I guessed.
How “good” is this program?
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No one else has this information except, now… you.
No big persuasive sales letter today. You can figure it out
for yourself. The Track Listing for the CDs is below.
“Kevin, I just finished listening to your Instant Influence set and I have to say that it is one of your best products to date. The set underscores all of the important ideas and research from Science of Influence, Covert Persuasion, and even some of the other sets you have out. It doesn’t matter the level of influence someone needs whether for a sales person or someone who just has a better idea and wants to get the message out in a clandestine way. This set in my mind is an instant classic and truly a great masterpiece!”
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Why is it that people are impotent when it comes to influence? Why do people stink at selling? (And hate to sell?)
People go to motivational seminars. They come back. They go to work Monday… They still sell “10%.” Why? They are smiling, motivated, blah, blah, blah. Because far more in the realm of selling and persuading others is about nonverbal stuff than anything you will ever say.
Actually, “motivation” in the sense that most people think about it, has very little to do with influencing or selling or much of anything.
But there are factors that do matter in whether someone will sell a whole bunch more stuff, a little stuff or no stuff. “Positive Attitude” might sound cool, but it doesn’t rank in the top 10 factors that sell.
Magic Words in Business & Personal Relationships
Business and relationships revolve around fixing the problems noted just above and bringing life as close as possible to the things you want. So does politics. Of course, so does pretty much everything.
In fact, the concept of “business” vs. “personal” doesn’t exist in the human animal, or even the human mind. “Business” is an arbitrary construct and the creation of culture. The human brain has no such understanding of these concepts. It’s ALL personal to the brain and there is NO business.
Did You Make ANY of THESE Mistakes (that even the pros make) the Last Time You Failed to Make the Sale?
There are 10 Deal Breakers that CAUSE them to say “No” and they never even knew why.
Do You Talk Too Much?
How much is too much? More words aren’t necessarily better. Don’t worry, most people do babble. And it’s a fairly easy habit to change. But you need to know how much and what to say that matters.
…Plus 9 more Deal Breakers!
Little Things Mean a Lot.…
Here’s all the relevant research you need to stay on top of the competition! From how visual and verbal contact matter to outcomes; to familiarity in context; and specific wording in marketing campaigns can make all the difference to compliance. Social norms and the average buyer. What do you need to know?
Live and In Person…
How to influence a crowd utilizing more than just words. Strategies to make your presentation the most influential possible. Behind the scenes; setting the stage—influencing them before you even step up on the stage.
Digging Around in Their Head
In the average person, you’ll find all the same things: fear, doubt, uncertainty, shame, anger, and a need to change…something. It’s your job to recognize their pain…and fix it. How?
The Techniques of Instant Influence
40+ specific techniques (!) are described and dissected for you. The Primacy Effect, Inoculation, Jeer Appeal, Foot in the Door, Hypocrisy Reduction, Evocation of Freedom. Plus so many more. Do you know how to utilize each to its best effect? Kevin Hogan outlines them all.
The Principles of Why People Buy
What’s one of the most important things to know before giving a Persuasive Selling Presentation?
Understanding what motivates people to buy and then pushing all the right buttons.
People buy things all the time without even knowing WHY they bought it. But, you can easily figure it out. What are the core principles of consumer buying? And, what one principle can you utilize every day in getting to “Yes” more often?
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Hidden Persuaders You Can Use
CD 1 Magic of Instant Influence
Track 1 10:04 Why are most people impotent at influence?
Track 2 09:57 How Their Mood Affects Their Buying Choice
Track 3 10:02 Non-Subliminal Primes
Track 4 10:02 The Dying Sales & Marketing Strategy
Track 5 09:57 The *New* Magic Words of Persuasion: Do You Know Them?
Track 6 16:00 Assignation of Meaning
CD 2 The “Pros” Make These Mistakes
Track 1 10:00 Will Logic Overcome?
Track 2 10:06 Did You Make These Influence Mistakes?
Track 3 10:02 The Influence of *Your* Friends
Track 4 09:57 Group Opinion
Track 5 09:58 Three Psychological Doors Proven to Enter Their Mind
Track 6 08:39 Convenience Vs. Cost
CD 3 The Little Things That *Really* Mean A Lot
Track 1 09:58 Peripheral Cues
Track 2 10:01 Familiarity
Track 3 10:06 Nonconscious Responses
Track 4 10:04 How Social Norms Influence
Track 5 10:02 Little Things Change Big Behaviors
Track 6 10:12 Words Cost Billions …or not
CD 4 You: “Live” in Person
Track 1 09:58 Setting the Stage for Influence
Track 2 10:08 Behind the Scenes
Track 3 09:56 Hemispheric Visual & Auditory
Track 4 10:01 Future Biography & Crowd Observation
Track 5 10:09 Distinctions in Image Creation – Men / Women
Track 6 10:32 Bonus Material: The 859 and 501 Tactics
CD 5 Digging Around in Their Head
Track 1 09:53 Cognitive Dissonance Behavioral Technique
Track 2 10:03 Your Goal in Getting Them to Yes
Track 3 10:02 Conscious and Nonconscious Mind Reading Techniques
Track 4 10:03 People Want to Buy From _____
Track 5 10:00 The Instant Influence Sequence
Track 6 11:50 Mind Reading 101 and Beyond
CD 6 The Grand Strategy
Track 1 09:56 Your Goal is to _____
Track 2 10:03 Action ===> Attitude
Track 3 10:03 People Like to Buy
Track 4 09:58 Five Ways to Get Their Attention
Track 5 10:00 Digging Deeper into Feelings, Emotions, Passions
Track 6 07:43 Designing Your Product/Brand
Track 7 04:59 Getting Them to Change / Building Your Message
CD 7 Prime Motivators & Instant Influence Techniques
Track 1 09:52 Negative Emotions are Prime Motivators
Track 2 09:58 Concepts for Instant Application
Track 3 10:15 They Are Experiencing Fear, Don’t Pop The Balloon
Track 4 09:53 Completely Quell Their Resistance
Track 5 10:04 The Expert vs. The Non Expert
Track 6 07:20 The Best Techniques of Instant Influence # 1-6
Track 7 05:11 The Seventh Technique #7
CD 8 The Best Techniques of Instant Influence
Track 1 09:59 Techniques of Instant Influence # 8 – 15
Track 2 09:59 Techniques of Instant Influence # 16 – 23
Track 3 10:06 Techniques of Instant Influence # 24 – 27
Track 4 09:59 Techniques of Instant Influence # 28 – 34
Track 5 10:09 Techniques of Instant Influence # 35 – 39
Track 6 07:49 Techniques of Instant Influence # 40
Track 7 04:41 Bonus: Hypnotic Language Pattern: Tested and Found
CD 9 Know the Reasons People Buy
Track 1 10:03 The Power of “Thinking Without Thinking”
Track 2 10:00 Personal Identification
Track 3 10:01 But, What if They Dislike You or Your Product?
Track 4 09:55 Seven Instant Influence Tactics That Really Work
Track 5 10:01 What Motivates Them to Buy?
Track 6 07:11 People Buy Because of Presentation.
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If that doesn’t make you hungry for Instant Influence….
Oh, and in your package I’m going to tell you and ONLY YOU and those who buy Instant Influence, THIS WEEK, WHY the link below is in blue and why it matters to your business. Cool?