Words and the Messages they Carry, Matter Most when they Push Buttons in the Brain
To understand what messages trigger people to action, a quick look at the U.S. election will prove instructive.
Do the words of Hillary Clinton and/or Donald Trump make the difference of who will win the election in November?
The answer is yes…
And those words were said six months ago. The words represented ideas Points of Identificationthat caused these two candidates to be nominated. The words triggered reactions in voters both favorable and unfavorable.
Key Point: Negative Trigger words and phrases are more predictable than Positive Trigger words and phrases.
For example, in this campaign words like Benghazhi and all things related have had no impact of significance on who was eventually nominated.
Because it was already an old trigger that made opposition to Clinton a bit stronger among those who were already opposing Clinton.
What about the Email scandal and all trigger words that were associated with them?
They strengthened the stand opposing Clinton but had no impact of significance among Clinton supporters. People who ALREADY identified with Clinton weren’t going to change their support because of emails or an embassy incident.
But wait! I hear you saying, that Bernie Sanders made a big dent in the Clinton campaign.
And you are correct. Among people of Like Kind, those emails and embassy words all mattered. A dozen ideological differences between Sanders and Clinton were reinforced by the words of the Democratic candidates. The words that mattered most were those used to polarize the other candidate.
But once Sanders was out of of the race, Like Kind voters were secondly Democrats and firstly identified with Clinton vs. Trump by far more powerful points of identification. Ethnicity and gender now raise to the top. Minorities and women are overwhelming supporters of Clinton because of Trump’s polarizing of Latinos and Women.
I suspect that Trump is still surprised that he has not collected the support of women voters, knowing how many women he employs in high positions.
He could still capture the demographic of young women…if…he’s smart!
Among older women? He can say all the words in the world now but the difficult to break mold is cast. The women who have supported Clinton and Sanders to date will not change their position regardless of words that are said between now and the election.
But do realize that this support for Clinton is Identification driven.
Older women (40+) more often than not believe they have experienced discrimination of some kind. These women have supported Clinton from Day One. But young women supported Bernie Sanders and by a large margin! Young women outnumber men at University and in hiring for better jobs across the nation. Young women don’t report that they have been dealt a bad hand in life.
The question is, will these younger women vote for Clinton or for Trump who has become the identification point with working class and whites in America.
Ultimately people do not vote policy. They vote identity. Identity between you and the candidate is the result of how you perceive the candidate looking at YOU. If you intuit the candidate looks upon you favorably, you will vote for them. Trump of course is the big surprise. He beat a dozen candidates for the nomination. Words, phrases, and the expressions of the words & phrases all have had dramatic impact on listeners across the nation.
His irritation with individuals or groups provoked him to tweets and quips in the media won him the nomination.
His spontaneous expressions of irritation resonated with a large swath of Americans.
But will his language and phrasing win him the election?
Those tweets and quips polarized (for better and worse) all kinds of demographic groups.
You probably have seen the videos I’ve made about words and phrases at You Tube.
Today I want to go beyond the short and sweet videos and dig into how to use specific words, why you would use them and what has to be conveyed to make those precise words so potent.
There are all kinds of exceptions to this rule but here is the rule:
Well selected AND elegantly delivered combinations of words can trigger any number of strong feelings inside of another person.
Magic Words and Phrases
“Just Relax, I’ll Take Care of Everything.”
“Fear not. I Will Do The Work For You.”
“You are Beautiful.”
“You are the Best Thing that Ever Happened to me.”
Who wouldn’t breathe easier after hearing, “I’ll do the work for you”?
(At least if you KNEW the task would get done correctly, efficiently and quickly.)
Human nature is not as complicated as many would have you believe.
Human nature is about right now, IN THIS MOMENT, the next ten seconds.
What does this “right now moment” look like?
- You don’t want to experience FEAR.
- You don’t want to EXERT EFFORT.
- You want to be content.
- You want revenge against the people you feel harmed you or those you love.
- You want to have SEX.
- You want to have FOOD, preferably good food.
- You want freedom and independence; while being connected.
- You want to be comfortable.
- You want your children to be SAFE, secure and, preferably, happy.
OH!…and YOU don’t want to do anything in return for these things.
…or, at least, as little as possible.
KEYPOINT: And the same is true for the person you are talking with!
It’s simple, people want someone to do the work for them…to do EVERYTHING for them.
“I will give you National Health Care. I will make your borders secure. I will give you the best education in the world. I will bail out your company and even You! Or my fellow citizen voter, you can vote for the evil guy who wants you to be self-reliant and responsible!”
People’s “natural way” is to experience what I call, “Hopeful Outsourcing”.
People “hope” that someone…out there…with the resources – will do the work for you and me.
Now, the fact is that, there are all kinds of problems that keep you from having what you want.
- There could be an enemy at the gate. Perhaps many enemies.
- The children (employees) could be crying.
- There might be no one around to have sex with.
- There might be no food that is nearby.
- There might be someone or something limiting your freedom and independence.
- Those you are familiar with being connected to may not be available.
- The rock or chair on which you sit might be uncomfortable.
- You may not be certain about the whereabouts about your children.
Here are the Magic Words to get YOU what you want and cause THEM to say “yes,” now…
Magic Words in Business & Personal Relationships
Know the Magic Words…
Your business and your relationships revolve around fixing your problems noted on the previous page, and then, bringing your life experience as close as possible to the things you want.
In fact, the concept of “business” vs. “personal” doesn’t exist in the human brain. “Business” is an arbitrary cultural construct. The human brain has no such understanding of these concepts.
Most of the same Magic Formulas work at home, the office, and the stadium.
It’s ALL personal to the brain…there is no business.
The reason business often “feels” so artificial and phony, is because, for most people and most businesses, it IS artificial.
The brain sees no difference between people at the office and at the stadium.
Behavior, however, is (supposed to be) different at the two locations, of course.
Why? The arbitrary cultural rules, later agreed upon, though different from culture to culture, have been put in place in an attempt to regulate behavior (and generally do a fairly good “job”) at the office.
However, the degree of contentment one has at the office, at least from my quick look at the research, is not very encouraging.
You can’t yell or smack the guy in the office next to you, or you get “written up”.
You can’t tell the woman across the way what you’re really thinking, or you have to go find a different building to go to each morning.
You can’t engage in all the NOW stuff you want to, because the rules say you can’t, and you’ll need a new building to go to if you break the rules.
THAT would require more discomfort, more unfamiliarity, learning new things and thus, people continue to clean the hamster wheel and keep it well oiled. It’s not going anywhere.
“I will do the work for you.”
Those are Magic Words.
If you can promise someone those words and fulfill them, you can sell and sell and sell. You cab market successfully and never have to worry much about anything as long as you live.
Ask women if they want the guy to do the dishes “some of the time,” and they will typically tell you, “YES” – that matters. Obviously it shouldn’t matter, but it matters a LOT.
When you grasp this simple concept, you will understand the basic formula for creating Magic Words for any situation! I’ll give you some neat incantations on the next page, and you’ll find the answer to this question that will change how you communicate for the rest of your life…
Why does your partner want need you to wash the dishes?
The Gift of Freedom
(BTW, those are Magic Words)
I’ve shared this story before. It is worth another look!
I was out gift shopping and there was a section in the store where there were magnets designed as gifts for women. About 5% of them had messages on them about NOT ALWAYS doing the dishes.
5% in my mind is GIGANTIC. There is SOMETHING here that I didn’t instantly understand.
None of the things humans desire happen when the dishes are being done…
So the identification with the message about the dishes goes deeper than just doing dishes.
Ah…so you have an INTERPRETATION and ASSIGNATION OF MEANING issue here…
Doing the dishes MEANS SOMETHING to customers at the magnet store!
What is it? It is a FEELING attached to one word…freedom…and FREEDOM matters, especially if it’s inferred that something like washing the dishes takes away from freedom.
The funniest, most irrational things always come back to the nature of you and me.
I can go work a 16 hour day, come home with my eyes on top of each other, my brain overheating and whether you are roommate, my wife or my computer, you want me to do the dishes.
Get this concept and you understand how to READ PEOPLE.
There is no logic to feelings, except of course, that they are predictable. I don’t need to do the laundry or wash out the sink…but I do need to do the dishes. (And never you fear. I do the dishes, laundry AND clean out the sink and I’m 100% good with that.)
These mindless but important tasks have become a fascinating measurement tool in the “meaning” department of life, yes?
Now you should know that “doing the dishes” is actually important to me, because I’m one of those slightly OCD people who doesn’t like to see the dirty dishes on the counter when food is being served.
They belong in the dishwasher. And the rest will join them immediately after dinner. And because I like “orderliness”, this will happen even after 16 hours of work, if necessary. So I DO the dishes…mostly because of neuroses.
Of course, it isn’t like this for people in normal mental health.
Those “normal” people are going to have serious problems in the relationship!
The luckiest thing a person can have in the world is someone who is a bit of a control freak and also a bit OCD.
Everything gets done, quickly, efficiently, though there may be some grumbling about imbalance. Nevertheless, CF plus OCD = clean house, stable income and most of human needs met.
SAYING the Magic Words
Ah. A reminder of an important story.
When I received my personal 1099 Misc, April 1, 2008 from Wells Fargo, it had all of my interest payments from a business I own reported under my personal tax ID number, making it appear to the IRS and the state of Minnesota that I earned EXACTLY 10 times more income than I actually did.
I was told that it would be fixed.
Obviously I did NOT believe it because fixing this takes time, paperwork, requires looking stupid for an employee. Etc. It’s not going to happen.
Knowing all of this, I asked WHO was going to send the fax to the office that generates the 1099’s.
“To Whom It May Concern, and they’ll take care of it, asap.”
I didn’t lose my composure.
I must have had a sign on that said, “I am a total moron, tell me anything.”
I laughed, of course. I said I would see him in four months with the same documents….and I did on August 1.
Those were NOT the Magic Words.
The MAGIC WORDS would have been, “I’ll take care of all of this for you, Dr. Hogan, because just like it says on the computer screen in bright green, you are a “High Value” customer and we are here to help you. I will fax you the documents as soon as I get them back.”
Those would have been Magic Words, creating some comfort and a sense of familiarity with the way I treat other people….
Of course, that didn’t happen, and yes, just a few weeks later, I was back talking to Don. (Don also told me that my deposits were all FDIC-insured…and they absolutely aren’t… oh well…)
Think about these words “comfort” and “familiar”, then turn the page if you want to know the alchemy of magic words and phrases…
Comfort & Familiarity
Just so you don’t think I was unreasonable the first go ’round with Wells Fargo, I called Wells Fargo, on February 1, 2010. I spoke with people in three states, including the office up the street.
“You’ll have your ‘corrected 1099’ in 10 business days.”
“Thanks I appreciate it.”
I hang up.
Bullsh….. I grab my calendar and write down on March 15, “Call Wells Fargo for 1099.”
There is almost no chance that people without incentive to work or control of a process will do anything.
So, when my 1099 didn’t arrive, I gave it a few more days and called.
“I sure am sorry, Dr. Hogan, you’ll have your ‘corrected 1099’ in 10 business days.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it.”
Yeah… you know what happens next. I hung up and immediately wrote down on the calendar to call on 4/1 and also note to write a letter to attach to the incorrect 1099 what happened and enclose the phone number of the Wells Fargo people the IRS can call to confirm my story.
The story does have a pseudo-happy ending because I CALLED Wells Fargo April 1 and took care of it myself.
When you are CF-OCD, you simply don’t get surprised by these things.
NOTHING gets done if there is no incentive or avoidance of pain attached because people….are human… and human nature requirescomfort and familiarity.
Though theoretically possible, I heard nothing but surprise as I had the bankers look at the various certificate of deposit origination papers confirming that my business has a significantly different tax ID number than does the individual Kevin Hogan.
And of course, when I opened my account that day, I knew that if I put my social security number on the form with my tax ID number there was a 50/50 shot that the guy would get it wrong and input the wrong information.
Again, it was anticipated.
Human nature is very predictable.
Being “wrong” and watching people actually do their job is one of the great pleasures in life.
I just wish it happened more often….
THE Most Powerful Magic Words
…so, if I can tell you that:
“I will do ‘it’ for you, and it will be done swiftly and accurately.”
… AND you BELIEVE it, these are some of the most powerful words (and concepts) on the planet.
These are The First Five Secret Ingredients.
1) They don’t have to do it.
2) You’ll take care of it.
3) They don’t have to worry or be concerned.
4) You’ll worry for them.
5) You’ll do the dishes.
If I believe that when you say it to me, I’ll pay any price.
I desperately want people to make me feel COMFORTABLE & SAFE and when they do, I’m just like you, I am like a magnet to them…
Reserve your spot now!
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