Meanwhile the giver of the favor grows in their resentment over time having not been repaid in some way.
Alice asks Bob for a favor, “Can you loan me $500 and I’ll pay you back in 90 days?”
“Of course. No problem.”
90 days passes, then 100, then 120, then 9 months. Then one year. What happens?
At that one year mark Alice doesn’t believe she has to pay the loan back any longer.
And it’s very likely she rarely if ever has thought of it in the last several months. Meanwhile, Bob feels more resentment and disgust as Alice continues to fail to do what she said she’d do… “maybe she’ll give me my money back this month.” And only once in a life time will she do so.
It struck me last year that the answer is not always to solve someone’s problem but to let a long term life lesson be learned by them. And lessons to be learned require the person experience pain. And that means someone can look at you as someone who could be perceived as causing pain because in their you could stop the pain.
What’s the solution? Is there an answer to solving the world’s problem?
How about fixing it in your own world of friends and family?
We’ll come to that in a minute.
First you need to understand the impact of your friends…their friends and your family’s friends, ON YOU. All 3 groups.
Humans typically believe other humans can only experience one emotion at a time. “Are you happy honey?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t KNOW? How can you not know?!” I actually asked that question once years ago.
Then I learned. I understood. Emotions, feelings aren’t that simple and they are notoriously difficult for individuals to self-reflect, causing people to be more inept at making decisions based on feelings and even harder to understand another person’s feelings.
Brains can be a big glob of complex gook.
Because people feel NUMEROUS emotions at any given moment.
This is part of the reason why people can both “love” and “hate” other people so easily. Love and hate don’t operate on opposite sides of the same continuum. They are two mostly unrelated emotions and evaluations. There’s no “dimmer switch,” here that causes one emotion to fade as the other rises.
When you persuade someone who weighs 325 pounds to lose weight and then they set out to do so, that person will experience a wide variety of feelings about the process, the result, you and other people.
They will also have diverse feelings about their own decision and their own behavior.
People have a LOT of FEELINGS and EMOTIONS towards and about you. Even when you have changed their life for the MUCH better. Here’s how that works…