with Kevin Hogan, Psy.D.
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THIS WEEK’S QUESTION(S):
Question: How much equity from my house should I use to fund my business?
One of the most common questions I get. The answer is simple. ZERO. When you think, “this is an exception because…” the answer is still zero.
Question: How long should I live with someone before I get married?
No one anywhere likes the answer to this question. And the answer is, that it doesn’t matter that much. The data shows that time spent together before marriage doesn’t predict the life satisfaction of the marriage. Obviously 1000 years ago going back 2,000,000 years… there was almost no “period to live together” of any kind. Religions like the Judaism had 9 month rules of betrothal to confirm the girl wouldn’t have a child before being connected to her husband. Aside from these traditions/rules, there isn’t much math as far as the duration of pre-marital anything. And of course today, perhaps just over 1/2 of the married people on earth have been in arranged marriages, and the divorce rate in arranged marriages runs about 7%.
Question: How do I get started in investing? I want to take Wealth Accumulation System next month and I want a head start.
The fastest answer is to save your first $10,000 in 2020 and put the money in a six month CD at the bank. The next $10,000 you’ll divide between a Roth IRA and another 6 month CD. That takes care of 2020 though you will learn more (I need you to do more than this in 2020 but this is for the normal person not using the system.) Once you have $20,000 you’ll save $40,000 in a 401 k or defined benefit plan in 2021. You’ll have this information broken down for you but ultimately in the next decade you’ll have stashed away one half million dollars in different “buckets” of money that include a home (that you won’t buy next year or the year after) gold (that you will buy next year) and yes, your own coffee table projects that will easily fund all the rest of life.
Question: I went to a seminar last month that said we should build wealth in the stock market. The presentation was a weekend long and it was honestly completely logical. I’ve attached my notes. Your thoughts.
Sorry you had to go through this experience that was like watching a cool 2 day movie with the end result of nothing. This imaginary game seminar which leaders have you play is to “invest $5,000 per year and watch it turn into a million dollars as it grows with compounding at 10% over the next 25 years.” And it sounds lovely but it is an illusion. Real life has people go through financial crises, medical emergencies, home purchases, student loan repayments, families in need, etc. etc., every 5 – 7 years which typically drain these investment funds. (So it IS good to have the discipline to save but $5,000 per year is not enough for ANYTHING other than a nice emergency fund to cover a couple years of life.) In simple terms anyone who teaches this knows it’s…not the truth. I’ll write a book about this someday… in my spare time.
Question: (From Earl W) “Kev, I know you had a terrible fear of flying and got over it. I also know that you’ve had some pretty scary experiences in your travels. I want to get over my fear of flying. What do I do?”
Answer: Some of this is counter intuitive, which seems to correlate with success…. You are right my fear of flying was pretty big and I was already flying often when it came on. The experience was simply massive turbulence combined with a guy with a knife on a plane that seemed to have a fixation on the pilot. After that I stopped flying for about a year but then I got a big international offer to speak in Ireland and I couldn’t turn it down. I burned through two shirts on that flight. And I always had an extra shirt on flights for a few YEARS after that. But then one flight I got lucky.
I sat next to an 80 year old World War II vet. Fighter Pilot. Screaming Eagles. Man had done 100+ missions. Took fire and was hit a dozen or so Youtimes. He came close to losing control of his plane several times but told me exactly what he did to save his plane from crashing and his life. In three hours he taught me so much I felt like I could take the stick. (Don’t worry I have no illusions, it was a feeling.) He explained all those moments where you know you are particularly sensitive to your fears. One is on take off when the plane stops ascending and seems to fall back toward the ground. Another is when you are 7 miles above the ground and hit bad turbulence. And the other common experience is on descent into rough air. He used his hands to show me what was happening and what it all meant and why a little fear is pretty normal in all of those situations, like watching a scary movie. He also didn’t BS me. He laid out times when things could get pretty nasty. Over the next 15 years of flying I had several… memorable flights.
2014 heading to Las Vegas the two engine plane lost…two engines. That wasn’t good. Even the flight attendants were nervous. As we passed the Rockies the French Airbus pilot sitting next to me said we still had a chance to land in Salt Lake City. “How far is that from the edge of the mountains.” I told him, “pretty close.” “Then we might be OK.” And he was being honest. And I was remarkably calm for being scared to death. I pulled out my phone and dialed my sons phone number and waited until we were about 1500 feet above land. it was hard to know if we were going to make it to the airport or not. The emergency vehicles were all in motion as we descended to the runway. The landing was pretty impressive. Leave it at that. We arrived alive and the emergency guys must have all been disappointed as an hour later we were allowed to go to the gate and we hadn’t experienced so much as a spark of fire. The flight crew was taken off duty and put on another flight back to MSP. We had to wait for both a crew for the flight deck as well as the cabin, of the plane we would take to LAS. “Would you like to drive with me to Vegas, rent a car?” I told him I couldn’t and that I had to set up in 4 hours for a gig. He shrugged his shoulders and went to Hertz after we shook hands and gave each other a hug.
That experience was important as yeah, it was a story that didn’t seem likely to end well, but it ended as good as good be hoped for. And since then almost nothing fazes me in the air. Sometimes you need the rough experiences to solidify your sanity in the air and in life. In fact, when you don’t have those experiences your comfort zone is REALLY skinny. So repetition of experience after experience really helps train the mind.
And no, this is not about mind prep in advance of a flight. No hypnotic patterns here. This is about doing it and learning what it all means as you’re taking off and going all the way to returning to the ground. Sitting next to a guy who had bullet holes in his hunk of tin in WW2 was a big help for me and I suspect he helped a lot of other people over his life time. Tip of the hat….
Question: “How do you implant hypnotic commands while someone is asleep?”
Answer: Not possible. The brain does process information while you are asleep. The brain does pick up on some but not all sounds that trigger danger while you sleep. The brain does not learn while you sleep. (Don’t we all wish….)
Question: “What does it mean when a man standing on a stage behind a person speaking with his hands in his pocket mean? I may be wrong but I thought it showed little interest and even disrespect. Am I right?”
Answer: Certainly not disrespect. People have no rules for what to do or not do when they are on stage behind someone else. This is one reason that people shouldn’t share a stage without a role to play. (Actors, bands, troupes, all good, but not speakers or politicians) There is absolutely nothing to analyze in the experience you mention. …and that is probably a good thing….
Question: “What would you say is the very best thing for a retail store owner to say to their employees (verbally or in writing) to prevent them from stealing stock/cash?”
Answer: There’s a lot of research on visuals in this department. Something simple like images of eyes watching over products is usually enough to stop theft.
But you said, “say.” So here’s an example minus the nuances of voice tone which matter far more than the words!….. “John, it would be easy to walk out of here with a camera but if someone actually did that, the store cameras would pick it up and the person would eventually be prosecuted for the theft of a $400 item. If you ever need to use anything like a camera or some other piece of electronic equipment, we have equipment that employees can borrow for up to 72 hours at no charge”….[I would encourage these kinds of communications to always be one on one, and not stated in any kind of fashion that could be misconstrued as an accusation or threat. If you say stuff like this in a group…you can assure yourself your “shortage” rates will increase.
Question: “Why don’t you think investing in the stock market for the long-term is a good idea? What do you do instead?”
Answer: This question is a bit out of context and errant. You probably heard me speak at a live event in Europe. “The Stock Market” is pretty ambiguous. There are a lot of variables in whether “long term market investing is a good idea.” I’ve been long the U.S. stock market for awhile. I’ve also been long gold mining stocks for about a year and change. In addition I expanded my holdings of China and Emerging Markets this year.
The Dow is at 26,000 this week. The S&P 500 is right around 3,000. I was interviewed this time last year and I said the market would go higher, maybe a lot higher but I didn’t expect the Dow itself to hit 30,000. Predicting things like this are not 100% or 0% bets. Instead they fall in between. Today is August 20, 2019. I would guess there is a 20% chance we’d see 30,000 by the end of 2019. (If we see 30,000 we are not much less likely to see 33,000 as well!) That’s an 11% increase in the Dow and frankly that would be impressive. What about the other 80%? My best guess without running the numbers is that a full scale crash before year end is also about 20%. That means Dow 15,000 wouldn’t surprise me any more than Dow 30,000 even though Dow 15,000 is a MASSIVE drop from 27,000. And there are still 60% left. The most likely result is that on December 31 we will see the DOW somewhere between 24,000 and 27,000 (about 30%) or 27,000 to 30,000 (about 30%).
These are all short term numbers of course. Short term is sometimes MUCH easier to predict than long term. But not this time. Going forward I would say that on December 31, 2025 you’ll see the Dow at about 28,000. I expect volatility to put it as high as 35,000 at some point and 10,000 as a low point. But five years from today I expect no return on stocks. Nor do I expect a dramatic 5 year return on Gold.
However over 5 years I do expect to see commodities take off and possibly double at the end of the next five years.
I don’t “think” any one outcome is going to happen. I prepare for all of the possibilities.
Here’s how I’m playing this all in real life.
Keep buckets of money. I like my money safe. I like variety. I fully expect some “investments” to lose money and I expect some to make money. When physical gold falls below 1350 I will switch out of Gold Miners and if the S&P 500 has not gained at least 3% in that same period I will sell off all stock holdings and switch stock holdings almost completely to commodities.
It’s interesting that in the last 150 years we have never gone a decade without a recession. Granted that’s a sample size of 15 decades, a very, very small number. But that’s a pretty impressive divergence. Yet here we are in 2019 and we haven’t seen a recession in a long time.
Question: “Who do you think is going to win the Super Bowl?”
Like with markets. I don’t “think” someone is going to win the Super Bowl. I think more in terms of value for my money. Right now $100 on the L.A. Chargers will return $1380 if they win the SB and I like that bet a lot.
The New Orleans Saints should have a very good year this year and they are probably correctly valued at returning $910 for a $100 bet.
Here is the best data I have to this moment.
New Orleans has a 20% chance to reach the Super Bowl. No bet here.
L.A. Chargers AND L.A. Rams both have an 18% to reach. A Rams SB Winner pays $1200 vs. the Chargers winning pays $1380. Both of these are pretty GOOD BETS.
New England Patriots 17% to reach. They are paying $692 on $100 to win it all. Those are terrible odds. No bet here.
K.C. and the Pittsburgh Steelers each have about a 12% chance of reaching the big game. The Chiefs are paying a sensible $625 for the $100 and Steelers are hated but excellent and are up for $2900 with the same math!
So your February 2020 Super Bowl is most likely The New Orleans Saints beating the L.A. Chargers.
The public believes in the Indianapolis Colts but they are only paying $960 to win the SB. Not good ROI at all.
The public believes the Seattle Seahawks are not so great paying +3900 but the reality is they have a 4% chance to win the SB and should only be paying 2800. Seattle is a good value bet!
The best bets statistically are the Steelers at +2900 (should be about +1600); The Seahawks at +3900; L.A. Chargers at +1380
Question: “Will Trump win the 2020 Election?”
He’s got just shy of a 60% chance of winning. However, there is no value to be had betting on Trump as the money around the world currently has him only a 49% bet against the Democratic nominee whoever that will be at 51%. There is no democrat with more than a 20% chance of being the next President of the U.S. (Harris and Biden both have a 20% chance). That will obviously morph into that 51% number after the nominee has been named.
Question: “I have started receiving the Coffee w/ Kevin Hogan emails, which I look forward to reading each week. There is one main thing i was hoping you would be able to help me with and that is how can you tell when someone is lying which way will their eyes look? My boyfriend cheated on me and we are working through it but upon rowing about it, I told him that he doesn’t even regret it. He replied that he does regret and wishes it never happened, but when he was saying that he kept glancing to his right. When i commented that he was doing this he would say it again trying to look at me, but his eyes kept glancing to the right?”
Answer: The idea that people’s eye positions will reveal whether they are thinking constructively or remembering something was a myth. The myth was so compelling that I put it in my book, The Psychology of Persuasion. Unfortunately, I was wrong. When we did a three school research project on this about 9 years ago, we found out that there is no correlation between eye position and constructed or remembered events and there is no correlation between eye position and visual, auditory or kinesthetic images. So, using eye position to tell if someone is telling the truth or not will not be effective.
Question: “I was told by a coach that I do not come across as believable. Any advice would be great on how I can go about turning this around 100%?”
Answer: Believability is perceived credibility. I don’t know that “radical honesty” (always telling the truth even when it means doing harm to people to the point of inflicting emotional pain) is not necessary or desirable. Simply begin to tell the truth. If you are going to damage a child or someone’s life by stating your opinion, leave it alone. Practice speaking fewer words. It’s almost impossible for the mind to *not* construct “it’s” own mythology as the brain fires off millions of neural connections. People who talk a great deal end up saying things that are made up out of vapor. All of this is done without negative intention. It’s just how the brain works.
Therefore, speak less. When you are certain in your self, speak with gentle authority. When you are uncertain, ask questions instead of making statements. If you find yourself nervous or anxious when communicating, do a quick “internal scan,” to see why that is and fix it immediately. Normally, being a straight shooter causes you to be perceived more honestly. Become like a solid “brand” where you are consistent every day…..
Question: “Is there an outfit that I can send a DVD of any Hollywood movie to, and they will re-record it with my choice subliminal messages? Just wondering.”
Answer: I’m sure anyone would take your money, but the fact is that almost no “messages” will work in subliminal video. Only primes, single word cues and images will impact and even those will only be effective in very specific contexts. It’s a heck of a lot more difficult than you might think to create a video with a subliminal image or prime that will direct thinking. Therefore, save your cash.
Question: “I have been a automobile sales person for about 6 years now. I am having great difficulty getting my previous customers to come back in to look at our new models and the floor traffic is very slow.
The cars I sell now are GM, Dodge, Hyundai and Mitsubishi. What can I do? Do you see car sales getting any better any time soon?”
And this question from another reader….
Question: “I have purchased many of your products, which I love. I look at you as an expert, and wonder if you could point me in the right direction. I am looking for a good book or articles on an issue we are having in our organization. (auto dealer)
The business model our company uses has been very successful out West, but falters here in the Midwest. I believe, though I could be wrong, that the culture is different. People aren’t sold the same here as there, because people have been brought up with different belief systems. Thanks for your time, and the Coffee newsletters.”
Answer:To both gentlemen,
I certainly don’t see any uptick in auto sales over the next year. Probably won’t drop much in YOY numbers though….sales have been very stable for the last 4 years and we appear to be at a top.
Prefacing with the fact that I am no expert on automobiles…. and with absolutely no disrespect intended, I would ask you why you are selling the specific brands of automobiles you are….
The best answer is to sell something you can stand up for and be proud of. If I’m dead wrong and you are utterly proud of these vehicles, forgive me.
In that case, do realize that of course there are cultural differences between Chicago/Minneapolis vs. Los Angeles/San Francisco.
I take your last sentence and ask you to think, “What car should a consumer buy that will serve them best?” If the answer is truly GM then learn why that is the case. If you can’t convince yourself you will be seen as uncertain, untruthful. Look at yourself as an adviser as opposed to a salesperson. Advise your clients based on the logical and right thing to do so that it is OBVIOUS that it is in their best interests to trust you.
“Question: Hi Kevin, I’m writing today to ask you to help me with a sentence I use to make sales, I sell advertising space for a emergency volunteer organization in Australia this all done cold over the phone We have about 30 seconds to get the sale or it never happens we never make a call back. This is the opening question—- After telling them who I represent, I say, “Mr prospect, we’re looking for some help to help our SES Volunteers to continue to save lives and property in the community, can we count on your support to help our volunteers next February( Publication Date )?” 90 % of prospects say NO , the prospect that says YES to this question always buys an AD after prices are explained. Kevin I make about 25 sales a week with this BUT I WANT to make a he*l of a lot more. Can you please help me with this sentence with some hypnotic words that will get more YES’s. Thanks Kevin I am working my way through covert hypnosis I just wanted to see if you could help me with some hypnotic words in my sentence to get started to increase my sales.”
Answer: I’ve sold an awful lot of stuff and I’ve done a ton of fundraising for non-profits (including using space to raise funds) as well as tax exempt charities. They aren’t all created equally.
What is the benefit to the customer to buy the space? What do they gain from it? What value is derived? Covert Influence is only in the customer’s best interests when they are making a good decision.
If your organization is a tax exempt charity where specific people have been harmed or are hurting desperately, then that will come through in your earnestness and sincerity. Empathize with those you help and your clients. If you’re helping your clients help others do something special, let them know that. Covert influence will make you more influential but you want to look at your product/service/organization first and your self second. THEN let’s talk about cool ways to move the process of selling along….
Question: “I’ve been meaning to discover your perspective on my name. Here in New Zealand, I sell real estate. There are several Tim’s at the office, and for that reason everyone refers to me as Red. I don’t know if redheads get the same treatment where you are, but I think it’s cos we’re royalty or something. We get all sorts of endearing titles. ‘Red’ is tame. I’m cool with it. I don’t mind the attention. But I wonder, are my potential clients cool with it? Everyone seems intrigued and many ask if it’s my real name. It’s a great opportunity to joke around with people and generally I’ll let people know it is a nickname.
From day one my colleagues, my boss, even my wife suggested I go by my nickname as a point of difference. Hey, it fits with my company colours too. I was quite hesitant at first – you know, you get quite attached to your given name. And Kevin, I still wonder if it was the best move. Many people in the city know me, and it doesn’t seem to put them off. But could it just be my charming good looks?
More seriously though, what do you reckon, K) are there any negatives and or pitfalls in using this nickname in business? L) do you have any recommendations for marketing using such a name for maximum persuasive effect? H) I’m fairly creative and come up with some tongue-in-cheek ideas for my ads. Could I be at risk of losing people if I’m not serious enough?”
Answer: In the U.S. I don’t know that anyone has names for redheads that are more or less endearing than blondes. But then, I’m not a redhead (I’m pushing not having any color at all….)
Your curiosity is well placed. (I like your KLH by the way, very subtle, I almost didn’t catch it! See the article Covert Influence, Part 1)
Pitfalls to using nicknames: Of course. Names matter. Names are filled with preconception. Problem is I don’t know what “Red” is going to do in New Zealand. In the U.S. it’s probably “a wash.” The nickname isn’t a positive nor is it a significant negative. And “Red” is “brandable” ….you can do a lot with “Red.” Your promotional style is SMART.
If this were my nickname, I’d do what you are currently doing and I’d probably go FURTHER and brand “Red” into everything I do. Red on Real Estate newsletter, Red Light Real Estate Bargains, and so on. That gets you familiarity and familiarity builds your business.
I think what you have done is a good thing. Whether we’d do it all again given a choice? Probably.
Question: “In the last Q&A piece you mentioned that panic is very different from anxiety. What is the difference? Public speaking has been a large part of my professional life for the past eight years. Recently, when I’m called upon to speak, give a presentation, or even introduce myself at a meeting – a whole flood of physical / emotional symptoms ensue. My heart races, face flushes, lose my breath, and feel so fearful that I want to run from the room. Certainly not good developments for my career…ugh!”
Answer: Panic and anxiety are very different. Yes. Panic is not a generalized fear response. It is a terror reaction. It’s the difference between worrying about your kids safely getting to the bus stop vs. seeing your kid laying in the street. Therapy for panic and anxiety are different. What you describe is indeed panic and not anxiety. THAT said, from a behavioral point of view, you can’t ultimately run away from panic or anxiety. You have to try and walk into the fire and do your gig to retrain your brain that MOST of the time you will do fine.
Like you, I developed panic disorder in 1983. It was not about anxiety. It was full blown panic. It took almost a decade to get under control. And to this day, I still have a “panic attack” once or twice per year on stage in front of a live audience. So, I truly do understand more than you can ever know. There’s plenty of good therapists out there. E-mail me and I”ll recommend a couple privately. There’s also meds that reduce the number of panic experiences you’ll have. SSRI’s, benzodiazepene’s both are good in precluding panic. And don’t worry about what other people think of you getting therapy or taking meds. If they don’t have PTSD or PD which are roughly the same thing, they don’t get it.
Get on stage, stay on stage. You will do well. And here’s the good thing: Most people won’t know when you have this experience.
Question: “Kevin, I enjoy and appreciate your hard work. This is strange, so bear with me. A year and a half ago, I came across a treasure trove that was left to me – old notebooks and writings of my grandfather. All I know is that he was regal, mysterious, charming, and artistic, like a renaissance man or something. Others said he was crazy. I think he was brilliant. I have finally translated a group of these from Lithuanian to modern day polished English, 100 quotations of which there are maybe 400-500 total, it’s hard to say. My goal is to publish them in books, 100 quotes a volume. I love them, and I have been researching gift books and ways to package and sell them, such as one a day calendars, audiobooks, periodicals, and other merchandise. I think in the right context, they can be uplifting and inspirational. If you like them too, I am looking to print just one quote a week in weekly publications and newsletters for one year in order to build a fan base for his work, at the end of which I will announce the release of the first volume of his (my) book. This will give me time to raise money, readers, translate more notebooks, build traffic to the website, etc. This is a family legacy that I want to share with the world. I want some of the eventual profits to create a charity foundation in his name. Is my idea good? Are the quotes good? Do you know who I can go to for support? I have no money and no help.”
Answer: One a day calendars certainly can be a cool idea. (Beware of thinking you will get rich doing this.) Printing quotes each week in publications is not an easy way to gain recognition but you can go for it. It won’t hurt, obviously. Best idea is to turn the quotes into a book that uses the quotes for page breaks or to offer the summary of a key point on the page. Your grandfather interestingly had the name of a truly great American. Best of success on your project!
Question: “I recently purchased Science of Influence 1-12.
I came across an interesting decision when listing an item for sale on eBay and wonder what your opinion is on this situation.
There are two options when listing an item for sale on eBay.
Higher starting price with free postage.
Items appears in listings as:
Book Title $9.95 Free Postage
Lower starting price with a separate price for postage.
Items appears in listings as:
Book Title $3.95 Postage $6.00
I found myself pondering about the relative merits of each approach.
Does the free postage in option 1 reduce the significance of the higher price, or do buyers focus on the lower starting price and ignore the additional postage costs?
I would be interested to hear your thoughts.”
Answer: If you had to choose between those two, you’d have to do 9.95 because 6.00 for postage is outrageous. People understand but really dislike paying for postage. And they hate seeing inflated postage in ads or on their bill. For people outside the USA, you can have a postage calculator.
Question: “I am writing this having reached absolute desperation in my relentless pursuit to understand the language of the body. I am now 28 years old and for the last 10 years I have struggled literally every day trying to understand just what is going on when people converse in public. I have extreme anxiety when speaking to just about anyone in person, which includes the people I love the most, which is the hardest part.
I just do not feel “natural” when in social situations, because I am “conscious” of every move I make, and to top it off, I have no idea what I am doing or what any of it means. I feel as though people are literally talking in a language I don’t speak. I try and think back to when I was in grade school, and I acted on instinct, but I don’t know how to get back there.
About ten years ago, I started noticing the way people talk to each other was changing, or at least they way I perceived it. I started noticing the way they mimicked and mirrored each other when they talk, and even when they are simply in the same room together. At first I thought I was crazy, but the more and more I paid attention, them I am writing this having reached absolute desperation in my relentless pursuit to understand the language of the body. I am now 28 years old and for the last 10 years I have struggled literally every day trying to understand just what is going on when people converse in public. I have extreme anxiety when speaking to just about anyone in person, which includes the people I love the most, which is the hardest part.
As the internet become more accessible, I started researching the topic of body language. For the most part, there is a lot of very informative theories on the topic, but most of it is very basic. I understand that when we communicate, a very small portion of information is transmitted through the actual words we say. The rest is transmitted from how we use those words (tone, affliction, etc) and the way we use our body. I also understand the very obvious non- verbal cues such as arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed, eye contact, etc. However, I struggle with the more intricate cues such as mirroring and mimicking (matching). This is particularly challenging for me because I simply don’t know how do it, what it means, or if it even exists consciously in the minds of others.
It is my understanding that mirroring or matching is when we “mirror” each others body movements to create rapport. It shows that we are alike, we are in agreement, we are the same, we are together etc… i.e. you cross your legs, I cross mine, I lean forward, you lean forward… etc. But this theory goes a little deeper – you cross your right leg, and I cross my left – or conversely, I also cross my right leg. Is there a difference? Whereby there to “mirror”= a positive signal, and to “match” = a negative signal or visa versa.
This can be noticed in many social situations for example, in formal business meetings people often take “sides” not only with their words but also there gestures. Another example would be in a bar where there is an attractive girl standing with her drink talking to a guy who is also with a drink. She is drinking with her right hand and he is drinking with his left. I want to approach this conversation and obviously send positive signals to the attractive female, how do I do this? Do I “mirror” her or “match” her? I definitely don’t want to send the wrong signals. This is my predicament in a nutshell.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. This could really change my life, and give me the confidence to socially interact again.”
Answer: You also want to read an article on asking concise questions! As I noted with the gentleman who asked a similar question earlier, get therapy and probably medication for the panic you experience. Life is too short to live with untreated panic disorder.
As far as your dissociation from/of other people, I do understand. But you can connect better with people if you do a few exercises.
Practice looking right into people’s eyes when they talk, no matter how afraid you feel. Look away every few seconds then come right back to their eyes. Practice this with a television (really) first and THEN with the people you know. Don’t be surprised if you feel a little strange. You probably will and that’s just fine.
Next to start connecting to the world in general, take a walk every day. Approach a tree, preferably when a neighbor isn’t looking out the window. Take one leaf from the tree. Feel the texture of the leaf for about 45 seconds. In that time, if you can, vocalize a description of the leaf and how it feels. This is surprisingly difficult but after awhile you get better at it and start reconnecting with the stuff on the planet.
As far as your thinking about body language, please realize that no one has a dictionary of gestures and cues that they can see and thereby predict what a person is thinking. Body language is more subtle than that. Simple mirroring is a good thing, but it’s not necessary after the first minute or two of meeting someone and when two people start to like each other they often but not always begin to display similar mirror behaviors. That said, don’t get stuck on mirroring because it will happen naturally. Also don’t take the mirroring concept literally as that would encourage you to obsess about it. Use the principle as a principle, a general finding.
Keep me posted on how this helps.
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If you could point to one word, to one factor, to one element or cause of what happens to you in your life, it is decision.
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Write that down.
Put it on the refrigerator.
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How would life be different if you knew you were going to make the right decision, every time?
Did you know that in life, there is almost always a best decision?
What would happen if you had the method for decision?
What would it be worth to have a simple systematic approach to decision making where the guidelines are from your head and heart?
Most people are paralyzed with uncertainty about whether they should:
Ask the girl to marry them.
Make a purchase.
Move from one place to another…
Quit their job…
Decide between committing one person or another.
Start a business…
Ask the girl to go out with them…
Send the letter or not…
Decide between hiring one person or another.
Get a divorce….
Send your kids to public or private school….
Choose between a new car, a used car or no car….
Go back to school to get more education….
Fire the person or not.
Invest in stocks, bonds, real estate and not screw up.
Accurately plan for their future in all areas.
Did you know there is a proven way to make the right decision in each of the above choices?
For the sake of discussion, let’s assume that is correct. There IS a method you can use to make the RIGHT decision just about every time.
It doesn’t take a genius to think or even decide:
“I decide to make more money,”
“get a better job,”
“get married to perfect person x”
Legend Point: Learning the process of making the right decision involves making that decision STICK, be UNYIELDING and barring a Black Swan, guaranteeing you will follow through.
Over the last 15 years we’ve been fortunate to be given the raw information about how to make laser beam accurate decisions.
I’ve expended an enormous amount of time into accumulating this information and putting it into a workable system that is fairly easy to learn and generally simple to implement. (I’d like to say “always”, but that just isn’t accurate.)
Funny thing is, I’ve read dozens of books that are about decision making or advise people on how to make decisions, and they are frighteningly inaccurate and will cost people their relationships, their chance at finding the girl and making a lot of money.
Quick test: Look at your retirement program. Remember the person who told you how to invest that retirement money. When they talked to you, they said you’d earn x percent per year if you did x…no guarantees of course.
You took your money, you invested it with the person and then…you didn’t get your 15% per year, or whatever. The money didn’t “grow” like they said it would.
Now you’ve lost three years of investing which have been incredibly profitable for people who knew HOW to DECIDE what to put THEIR hard earned money into.
And that’s just the first of dozens of examples.
It’s time to repair the whole process.
This course shows you how to make the RIGHT decisions whether it’s about investing, dating, marrying, getting a divorce, how to raise kids, whether to move, buy the new house now or in three years, and well, yeah, that’s the deal. Everyday decisions that rattle the nerves of people in every house.
Legend Point: You’ll experience FIRST HAND, how what seems to be an obvious decision, is almost always the wrong one….the costly one…(often the disaster one….)
You can learn how to make decisions that are optimized and are likely to bring good or great results, or you can trust people who always have a vested interest in selling you whatever it is they represent.
My goal is to show you how to make the right decisions and best decisions in the most important aspects of life and then to show you HOW TO STICK AND BE UNWAVERING IN YOUR DECISIONS.
My guess is it’s time to put YOUR brain back in charge of YOUR decisions and YOUR life.
…or you’ll end up with next to nothing and headaches and heartaches to boot.
Why won’t most people find out what they need to know?
Because most people are lazy.
They don’t do the research. (Or read about it)
They don’t test.
Why should they?
They get paid the same no matter what and when YOU screw up, they just say, “you did it wrong.”
Play along for just a moment.
Can I ask you a question?
Have you ever read that it’s been proven that 93% of all communication is body language?
Of course, lots of times. Everyone has read that.
And of course, it’s not true.
(It’s not even close to accurate.)
How could that be, it’s common knowledge…isn’t it?
There was one study done by a brilliant communication researcher 35 years ago that evaluated people saying one word to another, with the other person only being able to see the person from the neck UP.
(that leaves about 90% of the body… out of the study.) In this one specific instance, Dr. Mehrabian found that about 93% of the communication sent was at a nonverbal level. Obviously when people communicate with more than one word and people can see below the neck, all kinds of factors change the percentages.
Problem is people read something in a book written by Person X and they believe what she writes because she says it’s “scientific.”
People look at their lives and think, “I did everything I was told…”
Yep and look at that life. It didn’t work.
The guru didn’t do the research. They went with the party line and taught that.
I don’t care about the party line because I don’t like the people at the party. It torks me off when I see people talking about stuff they know nothing about…and then watch groups of people use that advice to sink their Titanic.
Remember when Benjamin Franklin did his famous experiment about testing each of the virtues (temperance and so forth) for a month so he could eventually become adept at all of them? I’ve heard most motivational speakers talk or write about this. I’d name them, but it would take an entire page…
Anyway…You remember… but he gave up the idea after the first week …he never did the experiment. He wrote early in his biography that he was going to do the project and then soon after decided not to. Basically he said it was impossible to do such a thing.
I’ve never heard ANYONE get that right, either.
But THEY TEACH YOU TO DO IT…
And because you trust them YOU TRY IT and FAIL.
Franklin’s personal challenge didn’t work for all kinds of reasons I’ll show you later.
Question: Why did you believe he actually did the project?
Only one reason: …because someone you trusted or believed, an author, a teacher….told you that it was true.
Want a quick way to filter a crummy guru out?
If they tell you that story, they didn’t get very far in Franklin’s biography. If they tell you that, they’d tell you anything.
By the way…what did Franklin do instead?!
I’ll show you that with Decision Point, too.
The point is that MOST of the stuff people tell you to do…. that is “scientific,” that is based on laws of the universe or proven techniques is nothing more than their imagination having run wild.
…and following their advice will get you the same ultimate destination, every time…
Back to Start.
So why don’t the vast majority of people make good decisions?
They’ve been given crummy information and worse methods for how to choose and what to do.
It’s that simple.
(OK, there are eight other core reasons people make crummy decisions every day, but to pick on your neighbor here is so not cool…)
I’m going to give you a chart (not a computer program, but a simple chart) that you can use EVERY SINGLE DAY to know that once you have made a decision, you have indeed made the RIGHT decision.
And what does the Power of Decision give you in life?
The Ability to Succeed When Most Others Fail
The Ability to Make Big Changes in Life with Ease
Wealth if You Want It
A LOT Better Life If You USE The Power of Decision
Success when you use The Power of Decision.
You’re going to learn it ALL in this 7 Week E-Course.
Nothing will be left for some back end product. This IS IT.
You’re going to discover:
…how people decide
…why most people make almost all bad decisions
…how to KNOW what to do…
…the four factors of luck and how to tilt the “luck factor” in YOUR favor.
…how to beat the Black Swan when bad luck strikes….
…all of the successful strategies for decision including Decision Point: MY PERSONAL SYSTEM
Do you sell something for a living?
Pay attention- I’m going to show you how to analyze how your client WILL DECIDE on buying your product or service…and I’ll show you WHAT is going to happen next…think that might be worth $10,000?!
I’ve never given the system for DECISION POINT to anyone.
I’m not going to write about it in Coffee….ever.
But the time is now to experience a truly transformational experience in an exciting and unique E-course.
I PROMISE YOU:
No one else is going to ever show you this information. You’ll never experience these experiences with anyone else. You can’t find anything remotely similar “out there.”
So essentially, you’re stuck spending seven weeks with me. As with all of my E-Courses, I am your PERSONAL COACH and you don’t have to be at any specific place at any specific time. The program is delivered via audio, video, and text.
*At the end of the course, you will have one cool, big Coffee Table-Sized Manual that you will be able to refer to forever.
A couple things before you apply!
I reserve the right to reject an application for any reason.
There will be a few group projects that are necessary for making decisions where two or more people are involved, instead of just you. If you are unwilling to e-mail one of or more of your fellow participants during these two projects, do not apply.
Everything is yours to keep, but you may not resell or give away any of this information to anyone for at least three years from the date your application is accepted.
If you don’t know me, my reputation, if you wonder if this is a “good idea” then DO NOT REGISTER. It has to be a no-brainer.
If you’re still reading, then I want you to apply. E-course begins on January 12.
Special Offer: $2997. Pre-register now and get a HUGE tuition break! See the application form for details.
Decision Point E-Course Application Form