Hypnotic Language Patterns that Cause the Girl to be Comfortable and at Ease
Today you find out proven techniques (some cool hypnotic language patterns and an introduction to Meta Patterning) for creating comfort, liking, rapport, connection, a feeling of respect, and a sense of appreciation on the part of “The Girl” toward you.
Hypnotic Language Patterns are an important aspect of Covert Hypnosis. If you have been studying my work for some time and are skilled with covert hypnosis, you can skip down to #1 below. Otherwise, here are a few basic aspects of covert hypnosis (CH) that I need you to have for today.
– Hypnosis is the bypass of critical thinking. It has nothing to do with eyes being open or closed, or people doing Vegas style entertainment.
Hypnosis = Bypass of critical faculty of the mind.(This is more precise than “critical factor” or “critical thought” because literally hypnosis is sliding past the rolodex, or contact list in the brain. The faculty.)
– Covert means hidden, unseen, covered, subtle, supraliminal, or gentle.
– Reactance is the fear of being manipulated or the fear of losing a freedom of some kind. – Resistance is the “push back” against another person’s persuasive attempt because the person feels pressured, uncertain, under-informed, etc.
– Hypnotic Language Pattern is typically a sentence fragment or complete sentence that bypasses the critical factor, and then triggers a specific behavior or thought in another person’s mind. The HLP has a basic structure of bypass and then trigger.
– Covert Hypnosis is a field of study I created and developed in the late 1990’s for the purpose of accomplishing superior results with people in communication beyond what could happen in the therapists office. The outcome of CH is to change a mind, shift a thinking process, or trigger a behavior and/or sequence of behaviors. All communication is inherently persuasive in nature, meaning that most persuasion is random because it is essentially “simple communication”. (That should send a lot of people to the white board!) Thus, you and I communicate on PURPOSE with INTENTION and have a communication structure in mind.
What a lot of people think is good conversation is actually one experience closer to two people not seeing each other again. Do these things and avoid that problem, then integrate the patterns below to be seen as engaging, sharp, and desirable.
#1 Story Stop A story stop is where you conclude a conversation chapter with HER STORY. It’s really quite simple. You ask her where she likes to vacation. She says, “Italy.” Now she tells you about the trip she took there last year. She gives you a rundown on cool stuff, great food and how amazing it was. It is SO COOL for people to be able to share THEIR UNIQUE STORY with you. You have little to do but listen and possibly follow up by asking, “So what exactly were those catacombs like anyway?!” That’s the sign of someone who gets it. The guy gets that when she tells a story, she wants to know it’s safe to tell you. She won’t tell you the entire story until she has positive feedback from you.
Then when she does give you the rest of the story, you can offer, “OK, so you’re taking me next time around!?” You listened. You gave her positive feedback. You asked for more. She gave more. You loved it and did not attempt to tell your story that was “bigger” than her story. Once her Italy Story is complete you can ask, “Where else did you go that you loved?” This is a lot better than, “Where else have you traveled to?” Compare: “Where else have you been that you loved?” “Where else have you traveled to?” The first option connects the next story to LOVED.
By definition, this is a hypnotic language pattern because it slides past the critical faculty in the mind AND triggers desires, drives to shift thinking, change a mind or perform an action. The second option doesn’t do that. It’s random and completely open ended. The question is not controlled. There is no direction to it. That word – loved – is what I call gold. You mine for gold and you mine for love.
#2 Giving Competence It’s very easy to trigger the feeling of competence in a person. It’s also easy to instantly take away that competence. “I spent all day trying to fix the stupid toilet. It’s still running. I’m losing my mind.” Assuming it’s not running OUT onto the floor, the right thing to do here is a simple Validation Learn Pattern, “What possiblities have you eliminated as being the cause? What do I need to know before I get in there and fight this thing?” This is beautiful because you have given your girl COMPETENCE (which means RESPECT).
You didn’t imply that you were the Toilet God that could have been a plumber in a past life. Instead, you let her teach you and give you information that frankly is likely to prove very valuable. That’s ethical, more so flat out wise, and your QUESTION gives her CREDIT for being COMPETENT. These are the moments in a relationship that open doors to a great future and close doors to painful experiences. And of course this is not a hypnotic language pattern. It is a hypnotic connection pattern. You’re creating a partner.
#3 Magic Man Listen up. This life solution sits right next door to Giving Competence. If you are a man, you probably have wondered why women, more often than men, often don’t find the entire solution in solving a problem. In fact you’ll discover that in lieu of solving a problem discussion the problem at length is just as valuable as ultimately solving the challenge. This is one of the hardest lessons I had as a young husband. I wanted to solve everything fast. And then I expected that everything would be perfect when a problem was solved. Yeah….no.
Since those early days of the real education of life I’ve talked with 100 – 150 women about this one specific way of experiencing life. I’ve had 2 of that number say it was not representative of their thinking and behavior. So much research is done trying to provide evidence that men and women are the same. And the fact is it simply isn’t true. That discussion is for another day.
How do YOU stand out as the guy who gets her very real challenge? How do you solve the problem without appearing arrogant (Giving Competence). Ask this question months before a problem is going to happen. I’ve done this and it saved countless arguments. Thank god for spending so much day to day life in Europe or I never would have learned this. Here is an almost exact conversation…. “Honey, when you do have those moments where you come unglued, what do you want me to do or say?” “Give me a hug, tell me you understand it’s a bad day for me and then go away for 45 minutes.” The majority of the time, this solved the problem that never happened because I didn’t help light a fuse at a powder keg.
I can see a guy say, “aw man, that’s patronizing.” I get that. But here’s the deal. Every woman will tell you she is affected by biological changes at some level of significance every few weeks. And if you’ve lived with more than one woman (daughters, mothers, nieces, grandmothers) you’ll know that this is how humans are. It’s no different than the simple minded approach men use in looking for that girl. BUT, what happens when you’ve given the hug and things still didn’t work out? Because that IS going to happen. Read what comes next carefully.
Say it out loud. Communicate the sentence as if your life depended on it. This is a beautiful hypnotic language pattern. “Babe, tell me what to do. Do you want me to fix Q/solve for X, or do you want me to stay out of your hair?” This is respectful and fits parameters women have told me about from the four corners of the earth. It shows an evolved male. Why is it genius? Many of us live in a culture where women either have, or sense they have, been on the short end of the stick of control. Not so much in Europe but certainly in North American.
True or not doesn’t change feelings. You MUST BYPASS the critical FACULTY (rolodex) of the mind for hypnosis and resistance elimination. “…tell me what to do.” It solves the problem.
#4 The 8:59 Pattern
This originated with Eric Knowles at the University of Arkansas. I’ve taken numerous liberties and expanded on the research he did and turned it into a practical tool with broad applications. Whether you are at the office or at home, you probably have a daily or weekly “meeting” of some kind. When you have a few heavy items to discuss there is a good chance that tensions will raise and people might get upset.
YOUR OUTCOME is to put the girl across form you at EASE. You do that like this: “Before we get going here, I want to let you know that I need you to do X and Y by the time I get into the office so when I arrive we are ready to fly.” “Before we talk about the kids, I want to ask you if you think we should put the bonus we deposited into the bank toward a new car or toward fixing the kitchen.” “Before we begin, you should know I appreciate you.” Creating THREE compartments, THREE TIME FRAMES, allows you to communicate something very special OR controversial BEFORE you begin your meeting/family meeting/weekly marriage meeting, etc. There is “before we begin” and yes there is another!
The 5:01 Soothing Moment It’s the end of the day. It’s the end of the meeting. Imagine things didn’t go as smoothly as you had hoped, but no one died and everyone is still friends. “Hey, now that we solved all of that stuff, and now that we are done for the day, I have a question, ‘How do you think we should deal with talking about your change in scheduling?'” Put the process into THEIR hands and do it AFTER the meeting is over. Beautiful piece of hypnosis. You’ve distorted time in both of the above patterns.
THEN you did one better. You created new emotional response space by interrupting the pattern of the meeting which is made up of tense experiences. But not “before we begin” and/or “now that that’s over with” where you move people IN TIME. Manipulating time requires a bit of elegance and when you get to that point of mastery, you’ll find that emotions don’t accumulate at the same level of intensity “after the meeting.” And it is AFTER the meeting…or before we begin. Please don’t think this means that at 5:01 “everything is OK” because that is not the case nor is it likely to be. What IS going to happen is reactive reduction.
#5 Nuking the Bomb – The Meta Pattern that Will Save the World
This example happened today. I’ve had this conversation many times with many people but today it was awkward. I was outnumbered. Two of my millenial girlfriends were here at the house and we were sitting in the office when, all of a sudden, E. says, “you know, millenials know it’s your generations fault that the world is as screwed up as it is. Climate change, creating borders…. (numerous political issues in a stream) and finally, we have to pay for it.” How do you Defuse THAT? (I listen attentively, realizing these two 120 pound women can take me out.) 🙂 “First of all, you are right.” (met with suspicion and I saw it, and it’s still hard to not have some blow off when someone says you are right.) “NO. I’m dead serious.
What happened was we were raised without transportation. Meanwhile people in China were broke, American’s were less broke but poverty was the way of life. We had kids and the general theme of the day was ‘we don’t want our kids to suffer like we did.’ We wanted you to have a car, nice clothes, safe homes, safe communities. And what happens is the solutions to some sets of problems immediately become problems that need brand new solutions.” Children in China have food to eat today because parents worked 16 hour days and saved their two dollars per day that they earned.
They moved to the cities of Shanghai, Beijing and so forth while solving the hunger problem and inadvertently creating another problem. Cities with 7 million people pump out pollution and there was NO MONEY to pay for filters on smoke stacks so what you see today is a dirty city in China from our vantage point. What the kids see is food on the table where none existed 15 years ago. So 100,000,000 people have jobs today that they didn’t have 15 years ago, but the price was pollution. They could have food or pollution. So I have a question for you.
You are the mother of a child. You want to feed them SOMETHING today but your 500 square foot plot of land has no food on it. You can go to the city at great risk to your safety because the government obviously forbids rural people to move to the city….OR you can keep the air cleaner.
What would you do, because you have to have SOME piece of bread from SOMEWHERE to give your 8 month old child to eat…or he dies. Simple as that. The solution to this problem is the solution to ALL the problems you just mentioned.”
And of course, almost no one knows what life in China is like unless you’ve studied their society or been there.” What my two millenial antagonists found out in a two minute conversation is more than they knew from their entire LIFE EXPERIENCE.
And it’s 100% accurate. And it’s an IMPOSSIBLE to solve puzzle long term but short term there is only one thing a PARENT can do which is FEED your child and that CREATES pollution. The fact that we are not talking about the United States which is their only frame of reference for the moment complicates things because I have to get that infant into my listeners arms as their own child. No woman wants to starve her children at the possible upside of having cleaner air 30 years from now.
It’s not how human biology works and everyone knows it. Here’s what’s critical. This is all done with respect, accurate information, and hypnosis. You MUST take the person OUT of their world where they only have political references that are “right and wrong.” In this specific case, ALMOST NO ONE gets China which is why when you study the country and just how far they have come in such a short period of time you have to be impressed and excited for them. They are feeding their children. And now it isn’t Kevin’s fault that the world is a disaster.
Kevin didn’t build the wall, break into people’s houses to grab a bunch of kids and lock them up and on and on. There is NEVER a good reason to polarize and be unkind when you can actually gain agreement and understanding and show that solving the problem almost ALWAYS generates new problems. And it always will. The way to solve problems that are meta problems (climate change) is to REVERSE ENGINEER the problem. (I know, you don’t “believe in” climate change because it’s a lot like a religion in certain communities.
I get it. Bare with me and the point of using a meta pattern.) These problems happen because of cities and humans clustering into the heat islands. They happen because we want to have enough money for food packaged and processed in a way that keeps it good for a longer period of time. That’s preservatives and plastic and all kinds of stuff that a lot ofpeople hate because it means they can have a phone and video games and of course transportation.
Get rid of these things and move people out of the cities back to suburban and rural and you reverse engineer challenges perceived and real. And of course you create more problems. But after I escaped narrowly by utilizing an absolutely TRUE, REAL, ETHICAL ANSWER and taking a LOCATION DISTORTION and combine it with TIME DISTORTION and making it real by having ONE CHILD not eating and the choice of ONE PARENT… the millenials still love Kevin and his generation. And this of course is the grand answer to being able to wrap your mind around ANY PROBLEM someone can put in front of you.
You’ve saved relationships where others debate politics and bring it to the level of the single human experience. This is how you use covert hypnosis and it is effective BECAUSE you are offering a close up picture of the tragic lives of the impoverished and providing the contrast for life in the U.S.. – Take an online course with Kevin Hogan that will bring you to where you want to be in your life.
