Oh how I wanted to believe the “Law of Attraction” was “real.” It was 1994 and I wrote, Life By Design, the only book I ever had to put ‘out of print.’ Too many of the principles and ideas in the book were like the “Law of Attraction” and as the evidence came in, it was obvious that my desire to believe was far greater than what was happening in the real world.
So, we deleted the book. It was frustrating. Being able to believe in the universe as something that we have a significant impact on through the quantum field was a pretty cool notion. And of course there was a lot more to it than that, but it was flat out incorrect.
It would be very easy to sell out and write persuasive pieces supporting ‘The Secret’ and get on Oprah.
It’s an easy sale for Oprah’s demographic.
I’d quintuple my income over night.
From a money-only perspective, I’m crazy not to do so.
But as much as I enjoy having a full wallet, a full heart is important, too. An honest character doesn’t hurt any, either…so I have “attracted,” (chosen) to be flat out direct about ‘The Secret’ and the “The Law of Attraction.”
What’s another 20 million….
If you want to skip ahead to the provocative stuff toward the middle of the article, I don’t blame you. If you can handle a little bit of background….hang in there with me.
Creating and Attracting Success
I want success. You want success. However we define it.
I’ve spent 20 years creating a life and attracting the people I want into my life. I’m pretty happy with my results.
Now, notice I said, “creating” and “attracting.” There is everything right and nothing wrong with attracting good into your life. There is everything right and nothing wrong with attracting good people into your life….even a car (though you do get a payment book with the car, so that one is a bit of a fairytale).
You and I both MUST do everything we can to create our best environment and world to live in. We should do everything we can to attract a safe and nurturing environment filled with gratitude. Without exception.
One thing I’ve been grateful for is the 8 year relationship I’ve had with readers of Coffee with Kevin Hogan. I’ve got one of the highest IQ demographics for readership on this planet. Coffee with Kevin Hogan readers all dress better and speak more articulately than I do. And that’s who I attract. I don’t attract idiots. They aren’t interested. They go elsewhere and typically fail.
And I’ll come back to “creating” and “attracting” shortly…
Next, because we all want some level of success, it’s nice to have the proverbial road map as to HOW to “get there.”
Damn, it took me awhile.
Almost six years to get Psychology of Persuasion published, a decade until I had a bestseller outside of this country. A lot of focus and work was involved. And I had help. Perhaps I attracted the success of The Psychology of Persuasion, perhaps I created it.
I successfully did therapy for 12 years (I could use 12 years of therapy, but I chose to help others instead). I still see a couple clients but not for long. I’ve fulfilled my destiny there. I’ll be pleased when the few clients that remain refuse to see me any more! Perhaps I attracted the successful practice, perhaps I created it.
I’ve been inside the human mind in the most intimate setting anyone can enter. Therapist/client. One of total truth and surrender. Clients tell a good therapist the darkest and deepest secrets within the soul. You could never tell your spouse, your attorney or your accountant what you tell your therapist. It’s a unique perspective. I’d say it’s a gift, but frankly it’s more of a responsibility. When you know just how fragile the human heart is, you don’t like it when other people hurt still other people….
The other perspective that I bring to the table of success that many others don’t is that I don’t focus on words to say to convince people of things.
Instead I look at how people make decisions, what causes people to come about what they believe, I look at what causes their behaviors, and then attempt to predict their behaviors based upon stimulii that enter into their environment whether from a person, what they wear, the location, the weather, you name it.
If I successfully predict what people will do then in all probability, I begin to understand the “why’s.” It’s not a guarantee of knowing what someone will do…but that’s another story as well.
My own personal experience of happiness and sadness, love and hate, anger and joy are of little concern. I prefer to be happy, in love and feeling joyful but that isn’t always the case, and, that is life and that is OK.
More important than making myself feel good is DOING THE RIGHT THING. I don’t know whether I attracted the belief or created it. Or maybe they are both the same…
And I don’t always succeed at that either, but I try like hell.
Those are my “doors to success….” ….And there are other people who have different doors into the study of success. I’m familiar with most, but an expert at only a few.
…We both know that…
People Move Away From Fear
People consistently seek out situations where they will be comfortable with individually predictable exceptions. People don’t want to fear, don’t want to experience pain….and if someone gives us a easy and super quick, “fix,” boy is that attractive! Don’t a lot of people think, “If I can pay just about anything to keep me comfortable and in the money…I’m there…?”
People Want “It” Now
The fact is you and I want food at the moment we want it. We get irritable waiting in line at the drive through. If we wait four minutes, we wonder what is “taking so long.” We want sex when we want it, at least I do…We want sleep when we want it. We want acceptance. We want inclusion….someone says we can have all that just by thinking…shoot…that’s not a bad deal…”
And…we don’t want to have to “pay” for the food, the sex, the sleep, the acceptance, the inclusion. But there is a price for all. Some people try and bypass the price and steal the food, the sex, the sleep, etc. Others try and pay the least possible price. Still others pay full price….
Part of the problem is this interesting word, “work.” It’s a four letter word for most people…oh wait…it is four letters…well you know what I mean…Most people in the United States work pretty long hours compared to the rest of the world. We put in about 40-45 hours per week. Europeans freak out when you approach those hours…and most “successful” people put in about 60 hours per week.
People who hate 40 hours of “work” each week sure as heck don’t want to hear about 60 hours of work to have any kind of a great life. Screw that. They’ll take “balance” instead.
What doesn’t show up in the stats or on the list of secrets…is that successful people generally are doing something they enjoy, are challenged by or have passion for….and that is a HUGE SECRET.
Successful people don’t want to work 80 hours per week at something they hate! In fact they don’t. Successful people (measured by life satisfation, standard of living, etc) simply like what they do. McCartney recently told an audience, “why would I retire, I LOVE my work.”
A Person of Influence
I think it’s fair to say I’m a Person of Influence.
Maybe an inspirational figure. Someone who coaches or mentors or whose “presence” is “felt” whether the person is in the environment or not….and often even if you’ve never met the person. I have a couple of Person’s of Influence in my life. Wouldn’t trade them for all the tea in China. (Hey is there a lot of tea in China?? How did my Mom come up with that one…)
Listen, it means a lot when people write and say, “you changed my life,” “you saved my life,” etc… and I haven’t been introduced. That’s the power of media (DVD’s, CD’s, books)
As a Person of Influence, I can choose to be ethical or unethical. I can choose to lie or tell the truth.
Here’s a Secret…they don’t want you to know…
…I know that if I make something sound easy, that more people are open to taking action on acquiring that piece of knowledge…that secret…and that is SMART on the individual’s part. It makes no sense to acquire information, knowledge, wisdom that doesn’t make life more efficient…better…sooner…
Clearly I can show someone the necessary steps/elements/factors in becoming a millionaire, for example. It’s not difficult. Not at all.
Here’s another Secret most gurus won’t tell you: Human nature is not pro-millionaire. Nothing in our DNA drives people to collect pieces of paper with dead Presidents on them. Nothing in our genes tells us to save for a rainy day. Squirrels yes…humans no…Nothing.
For example…Saving for a rainy day is learned and defies our nature as people.
If I have to “save” something, that means I can’t “use it” today. That means, no instant gratification and a VERY UNHAPPY HUMAN.
As a Person of Influence, just SAYING that word “save” is like cutting your income in half!
If I tell you that I can show you how to develop the mind frame of a millionaire but it requires bypassing instant gratification, you are LESS LIKELY to take action. Not because you don’t want to, but because you don’t LIKE TO.
…so the guru shows you there is nothing up their sleeve and that there is no effort involved…or maybe they call it inspired action which sounds about as challenging as going to Church.
Think about this…We all want to lose weight. We just don’t LIKE TO do it.
What we want to do is the genesis. It’s the idea. The acorn…the decision to succeed…
…Most people are great starters…and don’t finish what they start because of the Want/Like Paradox. Guru’s don’t want you to know about this. They are going to be upset that I told you, but that’s life…
Human Nature Resonates With the Here and Now
What we LIKE to do is eat, play, have sex, watch TV…there is NOTHING in human nature that is pro-success. Nothing. Every guru knows that because they watch their human’s do nothing because they told them there would be nothing that they would have to do…and no one calls them on it because they would be embarassed…..
It’s our nature to sit around, get food for today, meet as many desires as we can for today and “hope” that tomorrow will be fine. And that works because there is no pain to push us to do or think otherwise.
If I tell you that you can have a BMW in your driveway and Pam Anderson in your bed and all you have to do is SIT there and meditate, BELIEVE that it will happen and you will RECEIVE (get), that’s an attractive philosophical idea worth looking at.
Because it fits your nature, and mine too.
Avoid looking at fat people and you will lose weight. Beats the heck out of the South Beach Diet, being hungry and doing situps.
If all I want is some quick money and you and I aren’t going to know each other or live in the same country in 10 years…and I have no morals or ethics, then I tell you that you can sit, see, believe, receive. That will be $1995.
The amazing thing is that people CAN have amazing things and people in their life but there a few pieces to the puzzle that go beyond thinking and attracting. (And yes I know that “inspired action” is very important in The Secret)
Principles and Human Nature
But the fact is that some humans have evolved to where principles become important in life. There are no pure people (complete, godly). But there are some darn good people.
I want to continue to be one of those “darn good” people because it’s something I believe in. Something that matters. It’s so important that I give up millions of free dollars by NOT being on Oprah and Larry King, supporting ‘The Secret’. It means it’s more valuable than selling out (which means getting paid to not deliver…)
I can’t do it.
…and the fact is I do fine. I’ll always do fine because there is a group of people who want to do business with people they trust, that have integrity and compassion. Period.
So, I might not have the easiest proposed answer, but I find solutions that will work…and I can’t sit their and tell people that you attracted the life you currenlty have…that the children butchered in Iraq have attracted their life…that molested children have attracted their life. It’s a flat out frickin’ lie. Period. Anyone who suggests otherwise that’s getting paid at the end of a conversation should be sent to sea.
I believe I know how to communicate, to change a person’s mind and heart…to hold onto the change. I understand at a rudimentary level how the brain and mind work. I used to think I knew a lot more than I really did. I now know that it’s not as simple as I once believed. I don’t mind being wrong because that means I just figured out something new. You don’t evolve…you die…
One thing is for sure….I can show people how to speak, write, teach, train, organize, manage their time, build significant wealth and so on…predictably. In other words, I’ve taken the time to find out what works and what doesn’t.
Importance of an Accurate Roadmap
That’s against human nature as well. People don’t want to take the time. They want the instant gratification. I can come close to giving that by giving people good maps, but even good maps lead over bumpy roads…which is exactly what the map says. People want a map that says, “no time or effort required, thinking only.”
Now other gurus tell you that you don’t need bumps. “The Law of Attraction “works” every time…all the time.”
OK great…except it doesn’t.
So does it bother me if you take your $1995 and waste it with that guru?
Only a little.
People who want to believe that Pam will be at the door when they get home and are so convinced that it’s going to happen every time that they will pay $1995 flat out don’t get a lot of empathy from me.
Besides I’ve already done those things myself….yes…I too wanted the lazy way to wealth and success. I wasted money and time on bogus promises. I was dumb.
For sure, it is TONS easier to make a million today than it was 15 years ago (adjusted for inflation even). It doesn’t take HALF the work. Not even 1/4. But it does take effort, good maps, good mentors and sound decision making…and a few other things.
But INSTANT GRATIFICATION is see it, believe it, pull the handle (that’s the inspired action), it comes up 777, I open the door and there is Pam holding my million for the day.
Everyone wants that…it’s not even a “bad thing” to want that to be real. It IS human nature. It’s reality. It’s who we are as people.
But it’s not how the “universe” works.
In fact the universe doesn’t “work.” It just keeps getting bigger. Ah…that’s for another day, let’s get back to Pam…
Pam will be there for her one guy, if any and that’s it no matter what you or I “manifest.”
This is the great reality check.
Even Kid Rock won’t be seeing Pam this week when he gets home.
Now, next to fear and greed, HOPE is the most powerful motivating tool for pretty much anything (leaving out sex and the core needs we all have). So let me HOPE that Pam will be at the door…OK?!
If I tell you, visualize it, believe it, receive it…works every time…shoot,…you gotta try that.
And you spend your $1995, and I frankly don’t blame you the first time around.
2K they say Pam will be there.
No 2K definitely no Pam.
One way has HOPE.
What kind of logic is at play here?
Surprisingly, it’s real logic. No kidding.
What Kind of Logic is at Play
And it’s interesting to know that the teenage brain makes all decisions based on this logic, and it is indeed logic.
The teenage brain hasn’t learned probability yet….and sometimes never will…
If we can have what we hope for, shoot, it’s a no-brainer. You do it.
Except it doesn’t work…most of the time.
Yes, there will be ONE person that will open the door and see Pam tonight. There really will. Katie Holmes WILL see Tom Cruise (probably). But your wife won’t…at least not while she’s awake.
So it works for Katie Holmes, but not for you.
At least that is how it seems…why does she get to Attract and you don’t??
And that’s another chapter in a book and not available for this article…later…
So you spend your $1995. No Pam. No Tom. No million because the map you bought…stunk. It was made up without doing the actual work of marking out the terrain.
And then you call back and say, “Hey it didn’t work,” and they say, “It always works, you aren’t doing it right.”
And of course the second half of that statement is true. You can’t do it right because there is no way that map will work. (Except for Katie)
Now we see that you can’t attract Pam and Tom…..but MONEY is different than Pam and Tom.
Money is pieces of paper or as I prefer it gold…
Money can be acquired very rapidly if you are willing to take risks….or… Money can be acquired very quickly if you are willing to break civil law.
Now, let me ask you….Just what are ‘The Secret’ teachers teaching?
What ARE They Teaching?
Hood over head. Hand in pocket. Go to bank. Demand all the money. Leave. Probability of (attracting “it”) getting away with it is greater than 50%. No kidding.
But are you OK with that?
Now if I tell you that you can have all that money and all you have to do is sit, believe, receive and cut me a check for 2K, it’s the same thing.
I could choose to teach how to rob a bank.
Or I could show you how to create a huge amount of value for people, get paid incredibly well and have a great life…. And when you EARN the money and then USE it, obviously you’re simply withdrawing it from the bank. It was YOURS to start with because YOU PUT IT IN THE BANK. You aren’t taking SOMEONE ELSE’S.
Get it for doing nothing? It’s not likely to be yours. (and there are a few useful exceptions)
So I could choose to rob you and teach you how to be a bank robber.
I can show you how to be of genuine value to the world.
Either way you will net a similar financial dollar figure. Either way, I get paid.
Only one way do I personally respect myself. Only one way do you respect your self.
Fact is, that when you think of something and it becomes important to you, your brain literally finds those kinds of things in the environment.
(If it ain’t there to be found, it ain’t there. You can picture getting to Jupiter all you want and my friend….you ain’t goin’.)
The Attraction Principle
That’s a piece of what I call the Attraction Principle. It’s based on neuroscience. It’s part of the reason a lot of people believe in the Law of Attraction. Because their brain filtered for X but it sure seemed like X magically appeared before them. Between filtering and chaos, I can assure you there was no quanta input.
Now which SOUNDS BETTER.
See it, believe it, receive it.
See it, make a plan, create a mastermind, work your plan, persist, be resilient, stay focused, act everyday and act a LOT…and there is a VERY GOOD CHANCE you’ll receive it.
Hell the first one sounds better to me too!
But it works under the proposition that the universe is a slot machine…that it pays off for some people and not others. And the universe doesn’t do that. There is NOT an abundance of wealth to go around. There is enough wealth on this planet for about 9,400.00 USD per person. Do the math, it is not complicated to figure out.
That said, if you speak English and are reading this (you have a computer) you really DO have the possibility and probability if you choose to have pretty much anything you want, within logic or reason (exceptions do exist, including Pam, Tom, Angelina and Brad).
If you have a computer, you can easily be a millionaire in 5-7 years. No rocket science involved. But it isn’t sit, see it, believe it, receive it either.
So for the last few weeks I’ve taken my hits from my fellow professional speaking colleagues.
And it’s OK.
Because they will have to get drunk in order to sleep tonight.
If there is karma….I pity their next time around.
“I purchased the Secret yes my therapist convinced me and so did Oprah. The 30 dollars I spent could have gone to another one of your great products! You the word SECRET according to RJ of famed SS is a trance word and It worked on me to buy. I had the same thoughts as you in your current article like children who are starving or abused attract it to them…come on! The only shred of truth is yes you do tend to move towards what you focus on yet that is only one variable. I love the when the whisper THE SECRET throughout the DVD they seem to build it up for the next step or should I say next investment you must make to get the COMPLETE secret. I have Volume 1,2,3,4 of Science of Influence and eventially will get 5 and geez I have other products from you because you are the REAL DEAL!”
“I love your sentiments regarding The Secret. And, I think there is still some validity in the so-called secret. The issues to me are one, this is extremely esoteric stuff, especially if, and I think that there is, Karma involved. (Past Lives that you can’t go back and make better except through some special private processes such as done in the Catholic Church etc.) And that’s where The Secret is in “wrong” territory. Second, is the matter in my opinion of too many of the representatives, especially because this is wrong territory, become rather glib and let words out of their mouth that really are non sequeter. The truth is this stuff cannot be verbalized, except in private situations and where very long term teachings accompany the thought. Here’s why I say that and what I believe the people selling the Secret are justifying as real in THEIR minds. We have all perhaps set out to accomplish an “impossible” unreasonable goal. I have 3 in my life that come to immediate thought and involved The Secret as the short 1st step. The rest involved the hardest work I had ever done to that point. The hard work did it, and the philosophy began it. In fact in a couple of situations I exceeded the impossible goals because I worked that hard at it. My sales manager suggested the goal. I first said that’s nonsense not at all possible. He was a major coach and used the “what man can conceive and believe he can achieve”. He said it was OK not to take the goal, it was just a thought. Four days later I woke up that morning and had the thought why not and for whatever reason made it a burning desire. I exceeded the goal and surprised myself. In that regard The Secret is powerful. It just spends too little time on the how to and the effort involved that you teach. Katie Holmes or anyone creating effects as an actor and earning the big bucks by and large worked their tails off to get there. They make it look easy so the average person stuck in the instant gratification game will never get what he or she envisions. It is all in the inspiration/perspiration formula. 1% inspiration 99% perspiration. The fact that they made a movie on 1% of the formula is causing lots of misunderstanding in my view. Hope I make sense because the truth is when humans attempt to put thoughts into words a lot is lost in the translation.”