A. I thought I had been asked everything…
You can post a useful review of one of my books at amazon.com. You can have a friend subscribe to Coffee. You can build a minisite for me and take part of the profits. You can ghostwrite some articles for me if you are really good and get paid. But really, just tell people who I am and how I have impacted your life. You do that and I will be VERY HAPPY.
A. Good! You have made a lot of money this year!
A. Building minisites that sell a very laser targeted e book (say) is a VERY SMART and VERY CHEAP strategy for building a great deal of income. You can get a domain for a few bucks and put your two page minisite up for pennies a day.
A. There are a few roots of my material today in 2006. First, I look at my personal experience with others…and myself… I think of what I struggled with and figure out if it’s common (it usually is). If I successfully overcame the problems, I will develop material there.
I read an enormous amount of academic and scientific literature. Cognitive Neuroscience, Behavioral Finance, Evolutionary Psychology, etc. Ideas are so complex in scientific literature that they simple aren’t real to you and me, and, no one has broke down what everything MEANS to you and me. So I do that.
Finally, I listen to you. If enough people say, “Would you put out a program on X” I will do so, if I think I’m right for the program.
A. Take my course, How to Write, Publish, Promote and Sell Your Book, in October. It will save you thousands of hours of work and headaches and help you make a LOT of money.
Q. As far as developing the familiarity and habits of wealthy people….I have the WSJ Online edition and weekly scan the financial mags at Barnes and Noble. Am I missing something, by not having the publications in my home?
A. You need it on the coffee table. You need to see it laying around the house. The kids need to see it laying around the house. Everything influences everything else, literally. People will treat you differently based upon having magazine x vs. magazine y on the coffee table. Make the environmental change. It’s what will change you from moderate income to wealthy.
A. Certainly anyone in sales should read People so you can know what’s going on in the stream of the world consciousness. I happen to like the USA Today Life section but I read everything.
A. September 1.
A. Sampling doesn’t work in every industry or field but it works in most. How can you sample? If you have a truly extraordinary product like ipod for example, it will go viral if you just put it in the hands of Influencers (people who are well connected that spread their opinions around).
There are other ways, none more universal or likely to succeed.
Q. I want to get rid of my fear of rejection. If I do something that gets me rejected by people, over and over, one rejection after another, within the space of 2 hours… Will my negative feelings cease?
A. No chance. Rejection is a real life experience. The negative feelings are wired into the neural net of the brain and it will take significant time to change the highways in the brain…that the brain uses to react/respond differently. The experience of rejection is normal, having a reaction that is not bliss is normal, but you can change the magnitude! It’s quite a process but it can be accomplished in a few weeks. Watch for a new program I’m releasing in a few weeks called Overcoming the Fear of Rejection.
A. “Act” = “Do” Assuming you are talking about persuasion and influence, getting people to act means getting them to do SOMETHING. ANYTHING. When the brain causes the body to act, it establishes the map the brain will use instead of inertia which causes “no sale.”
“Getting people to feel leverage.” What you want to do is find enough reasons (emotional and rational) that causes the scales to tilt in favor of taking an action. Generally this means enough pain or fear, for example of not acting while mixing in some of the positives. But, the positives rarely cut it. In difficult decisions it almost always comes down to negative emotion as opposed to “what’s in it for them,” (which IS the justification)
Look: what is stronger: If you quit smoking, you will live longer, or, if you quit smoking, your friends will not see you as stupid or smelling terrible. The latter is 2-3 times more powerful than the former.
A. (LZOEX, NEM, GOLD, MSF, CVX, XLE) You are correct. In fact on the year we are now up a lot more than that… while everyone else in the world is sitting at about 3-6%…the rate of inflation. Because gold and all kinds of metals stocks have shot up in a much straighter line than I thought, expect a correction and then return to the bull. $1000 gold in a year or two wouldn’t surprise me in the least. Neither will $5 gas at the pump and once there, it’s not likely it will come down for a long, long time…
The quick quips? Make sure you ask your family what they want from you each month to make sure that business and family are in alignment. One 2 minute conversation per month can save a million dollar divorce.
And, let the kids be involved in your work in some way. Anyway. Let them know it’s THEIR business too.
Q. Based on my limited training in Body Language and my own intuitive senses, in watching, I believe that President Bush is lying in his responses regarding nearly every issue he talks about. Is he trying to cover up. Comments?
A. You are probably right.
A. Send me your email address. We’ll put you on a waiting list. We’ll be accepting a few applications in June. As soon as we can accept you, we’ll send you all the information.
A. You mean like suicide bombing, ramming planes into buildings? I can’t think of anything people won’t do without hypnosis, so the hypnosis itself is simply another tool for good or bad to get people to act.
A. People don’t go “into hypnosis.” There’s nothing to go “into.” They accept a focused state of attention. It’s rare that hypnosis is about eyes being closed and relaxation. Could be a batter at the plate, the salesman closing a deal, the guy asking the girl out. There are lots of uses for hypnosis, most with the eyes open and going about your business…just in a very effective way.
Q. I know most people say you can’t be hypnotized against your will, but on your website it talks about how Covert Hypnosis can be used on anyone with out them ever finding out… Can you help me understand?
A. It’s very easy to direct a person to conclusions and actions if they are willing to engage you in conversation and it’s easy enough to get their attention in order to gain engagement to where covert hypnosis is very effective. Yes. The entire Covert Hypnosis Program is in our store.
Q. From whom did you learn about hypnotic metaphors? Who’s work is your Course in Metaphors, based on? Thanks.
A. Certainly Milton Erickson is a name that influenced me. The Course in Metaphors is fairly unique to my own thinking and working with people. What influenced me about metaphor was being aware of how people describe their experience and their vision of the world. Studying metaphors is like studying categorization (the other way we learn). It’s something I never really thought about doing. So, what you see in my work is significantly different from others.
A. Nowhere better to go than The Body Language Home Study Course. I tell you what to do with your hands, your posture, your stance, your body position, where to sit, where to stand, etc. There’s a lot to absorb, but in a couple of days you can have enough down to make a complete turnaround in how people react to you.
Q. How do you counteract the defensiveness and rationalizing of someone who has had an affair and is dealing with the aftermath? What psychological tools, tips, attitudes do you recommend (to the partner who did not have the affair) to get through this rough time?
Tell your partner you need security and tell them how to give that to you. (A daily phone call from the office or whatever) Let them know exactly how you feel inside (“I am angry and hurt” is how you feel. “You are a jerk” and “I hate you” doesn’t fly and will only move the person back in the direction you don’t want them to go.) and then exactly why you chose to stay instead of leave. Then ask them what will be different going forward, and if there was a rationalization, fine, then what would cause that situation to not happen again.
While the other person talks, take packaging tape and wrap it 10 times around your mouth. Chain their feet to the floor and their hands to the arms of the chair… In other words you are having an intelligent conversation. (btw, that was simply a metaphor) There is no blame. No anger. No sarcasm. No cutting remarks or anything but a pleasant tone in the voice. Then switch. Give each other a long hug after you are done. Tell each other that you love one another and do that several times each day. ONLY BEHAVIOR CHANGES BEHAVIOR. You can talk all you want but it’s all about BEHAVIORAL CHANGES. Do not extend the conversation beyond this. Do not get into the emotion. PERIOD. Not in THIS conversation. If either partner can’t handle this, do it in front of a friend, therapist or loved one. People keep their emotions in check when others are around.
Q. We sell middle and higher end kitchen cabinets. We have a one room conference room now where our designers work with prospects. Are there any studies suggesting the paint color of the room to facilitate sales?
A. Hmmm….you take people out of the area where you have the cabinets and bring them into a conference room?! Hello? My goodness…WHY? …OK…I feel better now…very light blue and very light yellow have both been shown to increase sales. There is a lot more information but this is one of those consulting points that I don’t even put in audio programs. If you take a person out of an environment where they said “yes” and put them somewhere they are UNFAMILIAR with or maybe UNCOMFORTABLE with…just how wise could that EVER be??
Q. One fearful person manages to take the leap, e.g. a bungy jump, and the other fearful person keeping backing out. If you ask the one who took the leap, he simply says, ‘I just decided to do it’. How can we get ourselves to make the decisions to take the leaps that would cause most people to back out?
A. Assuming it is a good decision (I’m not sure if bungee jumping falls in that category…) then you must feel the fear and walk in the fire. Period. Fear can’t stop you from getting on the airplane, getting married, starting a business, going back to college. Fear is an EMOTION. Once the emotion is analyzed to see if there is a GOOD REASON for the emotion, you decide based upon facts. If you use your emotion as your final answer you will ALWAYS be frozen in life as your hair grows gray and your pocket book empties…. There are some powerful exercises and self awareness pieces in my programs The Millionaire Mind and in Lifestorms. And don’t feel bad. It’s “normal behavior.” You have a lot of company. Most people are paralyzed by their fears and never change.
Q. My friends and I are writing a simple paper on Eye Accessing Cue and found your article very helpful. We read your article, “NLP Research Project: Eye Accessing Cues” and found Appendix A missing. We did a small experiment on the matter ourselves, and would like to compare the method of experiment with yours. Can you send us a copy of your full article?
A. Not a clue. It’s “out there” though. Use the wayback machine at Alexa and do the archive searches. We did those experiments from 97-99 and after we accumulated all the boxes of data, I think we tossed everything. Monica Piechoski might still have the appendix. She was in charge of collecting data and doing statistical analysis.
Q. How does one tell the difference between different types of blush — the blush of anger, of humiliation/embarrassment, and of excitement? What behaviors accompany these different types of blush, and are there more types of blush? I am curious especially regarding blushing and attraction — I know a man who “never” blushes, who I cause to blush fairly regularly, and I’m curious what buttons I’m pushing!
A. You’re right. It’s a great body language clue but you have to use it in conjunction with other cues like perspiration, posture, eye contact, breathing pace, etc. There is no single answer without assessing the cue in context. That said, you are very wise to be paying attention at this level of detail.
A. If you are an expert in a field, your intuition in that specific field is likely to be quite good. In other words, if you’ve been trained and drilled for months to be a soldier, the chances are good your “intuition” will be on target on the battlefield.
Unfortunately our intuition about other people is pretty unreliable. Best place to test your intuition is at any game in Las Vegas. If you come out a winner, you likely have good intuition…and that would put you in a rare group of people…as far as your feelings…people who trust and follow their feelings end up addicted to where their feelings lead them.
It’s our feelings that cause people to smoke when they do, do drugs when they do, overeat when they do, stay at the same job for 30 years, etc.
Nutshell: Your feelings are not to be trusted for decision making. Your feelings and intuition might tell you that flying on an airplane is scary. But the fact is that it’s safe and there is no logical reason for such feelings. But feelings aren’t thought and you want to look at your feelings like fire. The way to stop them from stopping your life…is to face them head on.
A. The short answer is be valuable to that person. Make yourself necessary for them to be interested in you. People like to laugh and experience a range of emotions. If you can learn to tell great stories and can show true empathy for others…the odds swing to your favor.
A. The man has sold 100,000,000 copies of Chicken Soup. He works hard. He works smart. He networks better than anyone on the planet and loves to see himself and others succeed. I love the man.
A. There’s nothing wrong with saying affirmations (they can be comforting, like prayer or meditation) but no, they don’t “help” the nonconscious mind create new behaviors.
A. Not correct. Creating a new behavior takes 5-7 repetitions.
In other words, if I want to learn to ride a bicycle, five to seven days of practice and riding and falling should do the trick. But that doesn’t mean that creating these new behaviors means you will actually perform the new behaviors. That requires the old behaviors which continue to be wired in the brain… atrophying. That takes months.
So in simple terms: creating new behaviors is easy and takes about 5 practice sessions for the brain to wire it up. To REPLACE behaviors is far more complex and requires much more time.
Q. Do we really get what we speak? Meaning if someone was to state an affirmation ten times daily such as I am overcoming fears of success more and more everyday, would that truly be the case or experience in one’s life?
A. Do we get what we speak? Try it sometime. Generally no. You are on a boat. You say, “go to the other side of the lake.” It doesn’t work. You have to put gas in the tank, turn the motor on, and steer…and dodge obstacles until you get there…. Stating affirmations 10 times (or 100 times) daily is largely a waste of time if you really want to create behavioral change. Use that time to take the action you are affirming and THEN see what happens!
A. Get people to act and continue acting whether they want to or not. Get people into a new environment. Get people to see and FEEL huge leverage (generally pain for lack of taking actions to change).
A. Hard to believe he would say such a thing. If that is the case, he is dead wrong. The scientific data is unquestionable.
A. I think I answered this once. (Let’s see if it comes out the same) From the 50’s: The Honeymooners. The 60’s: Dick Van Dyke Show, Hogan’s Heroes, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, Andy Griffith Show, Bonanza, Star Trek. The 70’s: M.A.S.H., Mary Tyler Moore Show, Happy Days, Charlies Angels, Three’s Company, Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. The 80’s: The Cosby Show, Little House on the Prairie, Cheers. The 90’s: Friends, Frasier, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Seinfeld, ER. I’m sure I left some out…
A. With very rare exception, I don’t do therapy any more. I probably incorporated free association 1-2% of the time in therapy when I was practicing.
Q. I’m reading The Jesus Papers. I just finished Dan Brown’s DaVinci Code. I know you recommended it the day it came out a few years ago, but I just got to it. My question is, did Jesus marry Mary Magdalene, was she a prostitute and was she the person in the Last Supper picture DaVinci painted?
A. Re: Prostitute: Mary was not a prostitute. A prostitute by law would not have been allowed to annoint Jesus…. She was either betrothed or married to Jesus. The betrothal period was 9 months. That way the man could know whether the woman had slept with another man…or at least that was the theory….bad stuff happened to women in those days if a woman got pregnant in the nine months prior to the consummation of their marriage…
Re: Wife?: Mary M was first to his grave after Sabbath ended. About 4 A.M. She was the one Jesus reportedly came to first after his resurrection and then she told the disciples of his “return.” By at least one account she and Jesus’ Mother Mary went to the tomb together to annoint Jesus…..not something Mom would have done with the town prostitute….All of the “resurrection stories conflict however, so it’s difficult to be certain….One thing was sure: Jesus was long gone out of that tomb long before “Easter morning.” More likely? Saturday after sundown.
A. I came out of the closet years ago.
A. Yes. That’s what integrity is all about. You hire me and you know 100% who is walking in the door. No mysteries. Someone who likes to make people smile, cares about everyone, is playful, etc. Yes.
A. Right. I think Hillary will run. This is the year she has the best chance. The guy from Virginia will be stiff competition. But no, I need someone who is more centrist. John McCain would get my vote.
A. Impact. Falling in love is about an addiction-like reaction in someone’s brain. Do something that will make an impact. Stand out from the crowd.
Q. Why should I take your Professional Speaker Course instead of one of the others?
A. If you have to ask you probably should NOT apply. You want to take the professional speaker course from someone who has been there, done it and has the ability to lay it all out for you in step by step fashion. Apply with someone who has those characteristics and then think, “do i want to be like this person?” That’s your key question.
A. Hell no. I don’t have a “list.” I have thousands of people I have Coffee with every morning all across the world. I wouldn’t sell your name for all the tea in China.
A. Stop it or you’ll become a priest and do weird stuff. Look. Your wife knows you’re attracted to other women because that’s how you found her. She is a smart girl. You can’t do anything to not be attracted to other women so focus your time on showing your wife respect, love and appreciation. Then she’ll point out the girls as they walk by and the guilt of looking will be erased.
A. I’m not an investment professional so I can only tell you my experience. I have my kids college money in gold funds and emerging markets. I have my retirement in international (LZOEX and MSF), gold (NEM, GOLD) and oil (CVX an XLE). I have a lot of money in a couple of gold funds as well. I do business with Vanguard and American Century and a couple of others.
A. 15 years ago it was dry cleaning. Today it is an internet business or something that you can accelerate with the internet/web.
A. Because most people in sales earn say $70,000 per year (that’s the median self employed income in the USA right now for a family that is headed by an entrepreneur). To add 50% to that is only $35,000. To do that is not difficult. You just have to know how and be able to present it. The reason almost every sales training on the planet totally sucks is they consider selling a numbers game and/or a pressure game. I hate both notions. Who I do business with is the person becomes a friend. I do business with them over and over and over. If they do what they are supposed to, it is not hard to have dramatic gains.
Q. I’ve never had an orgasm in my life. You don’t talk about it in Irresistible Attraction. How can I have one?
A. That’s pushing the envelope even for me, here. Relax, allow him to spoil you. Don’t make it a goal or it will never happen. Just enjoy the experience. As soon as you start thinking about the O, think of a box then go back to enjoying the process. Give directions. There is no pressure or you are with the WRONG person. This is one area where a lot of guys really do care and want to make it happen but they are “competitive” about the thing. Don’t make them feel like a failure if they fail. Big deal. Anyone can have an O. You will too.
Q. You recommended a book recently that suggested people start small businesses. Not everyone is cut out for owning a business. Why is this so important and what is so wrong with being loyal to the same company for a lifetime career?
A. You mean like Enron? Or the mechanics at Northwest Airlines or …yeah…. look, EVERYONE should have a side business or a business venture INCLUDING your children. People ARE cut out for it they simply haven’t learned that doing what they love can be fun and rewarding. And yes, always be loyal to the man who is cutting you a check every Friday. He GAVE you the job whether you like it or not. Most people aren’t producing enough to pay their salary so not having a business that you are developing to move into is ….ridiculous.
Q. Malcolm Gladwell (Blink) says that fast decisions make good decisions. You seem to indicate that getting people to decide quickly is easy but does it mean that people really make good decisions? Are fast decisions better than slow decisions?
Concise: Gladwell is wrong. Period. He blew it in this book. There is ONE time when fast decisions are good decisions and that is when the decision is being made in your area of expertise. The soldier is likely to make good decisions when soldiering but don’t ask the guy for stock advice. His fast decision there will be terrible.
A. I answered this question before and it’s in the archives. Have a couple of high impact experiences with her. Intense movie, tall rollercoaster, climb a mountain. You’ll go from 0% to 20%. Everyone is different and once a woman has you as her “friend” you’ll probably stay there until she gets a new set of “data” on you. When she has new experiences with you, she’ll see you differently. Will it be “enough?” You let me know!
Q. Why is the Professional Speakers Course you do cost so much money?
A. Because there are 5,000 professional speakers out there. The median income is about $60,000 per year but the average income is about $100,000 per year and most of them aren’t all that good. Making that kind of money by the second year is very doable. A lot of speakers fear the competition because they aren’t all that impressive. The reality is there are plenty of people hiring speakers and I’ve simply put together an excellent program to help most anyone who will follow the map…to accomplish their dreams. (And by the way, most of the “cost” is paid in arrears…AFTER the person has made that first $100,000!!!!
A. The point is don’t just watch for fun and they are fun. Watch to see how the world works. They are both almost perfect microcosm’s of the globe and mirror real life relationships and friendships and work experiences and environments so closely that there is an ENORMOUS amount to be learned by observing. So the next time Danielle is running down the course and getting cheered on by her teammates…remember that in four hours they will be talking behind her back and plotting to get rid of her. Welcome to real life.
Q. How do I sell groups? Does the Science of Influence CD program address that or just individuals? How do you make back of the room sales?
A. Selling groups is much easier than selling one on one and Science of Influence 1-48 is 100% applicable to both. Back of the room sales are made when the person at the front of the room has overcome credibility and trust thresholds and is convincing when communicating about the value of just what IS at the back of the room.
Q. I have been on a constant search for one of two things… either an excellent program or mentor that teaches how to use these techniques for group persuasion only. No face to face, just from the stage.
A. Isn’t that the same question? Apply for an Inner Circle Platinum or Inner Circle GoldMembership and make it your area of focus and I’ll work with you so that in one year you will be experiencing financial freedom.
A. An at home body language expert? Get the Body Language Home Study Course. You want to be on TV or radio or in magazines? Then you have to write articles, become an observer of human behavior, learn to make accurate predictions and find out what actions lead to other actions. What gestures mean to each person and how to pick up on those nuances quickly. It’s a lot of work to go from amateur to pro.
A. I have an uninformed opinion. (I haven’t experienced Landmark) The short story is that scientology begat Erhard. Erhard begat EST which begat Landmark. If you want to get some first hand experience at being “locked up” and forced into confrontational communication situations (which btw is not all bad) and are OK with irregular bathroom break opportunities…you could go. Might want to leave your check book and credit cards at home. If you have therapeutic issues or are prone to anxiety, you probably would be best to avoid. Nothing wrong with brainwashing per se’. Just make sure the soap they are using is your style.
A. I define my life by strategies of persuasion. Not it’s techniques. Reciprocity: I give far more than I ever expect to receive.
Sampling: I let people see huge elements of my work every week for months before people invest.
Credibility: When I say it, you know it’s true.
Resistance Reduction: I tell you every weakness I have as a person. I don’t walk any “party lines” in religion, politics or life in general.
Win/Win: There is no other way.
A. Ever notice how no one in America says, “hey what works in Europe?” or “Geez that works in Europe but it would never work here?” Well, the first could be attributed to American arrogance. Or, it could be attributed to the fact that people are constantly trying to find excuses for doing anything outside of their comfort zone.
There are ALWAYS cultural differences. BUT, ANYTHING that “works” in the USA is going to be far MORE effective in Europe because it has NOT been utilized there. For example, advertising dollars spent get over TWICE the return in Western Europe as they are here in the States.
Obviously there’s a lot of people in Europe who have figured this out and they are of course…very wealthy.
Q. Some of the men at work often just stare at me. When I turn to meet their gaze they usually just turn away or smile and look down. I’m married, have two kids and don’t like this kind of harassment. How do I send body language messages that I’m not interested?
A. You can send a body language message that says you aren’t interested but that won’t mean anything to any normally wired male. If you have already made your dress more conservative (first be flattered) tell the gents that you are truly not attempting to attract attention. “Notice, no make up. No tight clothes. I’m here to bust butt just like you guys, so let me be comfortable here, OK?” Most men will acquiesce and follow through. Then go home, pray and thank god you look as good as you do.
Q. What are the cultural differences should I be aware of between the US and Mexico that might impact my ability to influence my English speaking co-workers in Mexico? We all work for the same company but so far we have only spoken over the phone and over the next few months we are going to be working together very closely at their facility.
A. Strike up some friendships by force. Bring a gift or two. Learn about the city they live in and the beliefs, values and BEHAVIORS of the people you work with. Invite people out to dinner. Ask for their advice on local stuff to do. Break down the biological fears by building rapport. Here’s one of my prejudices: I have seen a lot of hard working Mexican people that care about their families enough to travel a thousand miles and risk prison to come to America to earn a pittance and then send money back to the wife and kids back home. If that prejudice represents the culture as a whole, that is pretty admirable.
Whenever I’m trying to understand a group that is foreign to me, I think, “what would I be doing, thinking and believing if I lived in this person’s shoes and home?” I’ve lived in poverty. I can relate. Most people see that and respect it.
A. 510% per annum? I don’t know. Whatever you ARE selling needs to be to the affluent in that kind of a wild economy. If not move that direction now.
Q. Kevin, in a sales situation would you say that the salespersons attitude (positive , neutral , negative ) has more effect on the prospect than any technique? If “yes,” do you have any programs to help toward a good attitude?
A. The salesperson’s attitude doesn’t make any difference to the individual but it DOES matter to the customer. The research is detailed but essentially, people are influenced by attitude even though the self generally is not.
Q. Could you explain to me how exactly to “put the energy out there” to attract a mentor or partner? (I’m currently reading your book, Through the Open Door.
A. In three paragraphs? No. Pick up Irresistible Attraction.
A. The swish is a nice tool for simple changes but hair pulling (I assume you mean trichotillomania) is a difficult problem that won’t be easily solved. It takes a lot of work and time and usually a superb therapist.
A. Each spring we do a course that shows you how to get a book from thought to press to sale. Here’s the quickie nutshell.
Write a darn good book that is different from what others have done. Propose it to publishers. (We are now publishing by the way, so send it along here as well.)
Once it’s in print or an e-book promote with people who will help you and in every way possible yourself.
You can use Adobe to put the e-book into a file.
Don’t wait in line cashing your checks every week. Too time consuming.
Q. I read that to motivate yourself to do something (e.g. lose weight, workout, etc), you tell other people around you what you will do to get social pressure to follow through doing this in reality. However I know people at work who tell lots of people they want to change jobs, but never go and search for a new one. I also listened to another course from someone else, who claimed just the opposite: tell nobody, because if you do, your internal pressure to do so goes away. So, what are the real dynamics of this?
A. The people who say not to tell others your goals is dreaming and/or ignorant. The more leverage you can get with yourself the better. Period. BUT telling people you want to change jobs is NOT a goal. It’s not even an outcome. It is WHINING. Complaining is complaining. Telling someone, “I am getting out of this place,” means NOTHING. Saying, “I’ve put in my 60 day notice and have start interviewing, means they have a goal in mind they are taking action on.
Q. I’ve been telemarketing for about 4 years and consider myself fairly good at selling. (rejection, interruption marketing, anger, hang-ups, cursing, etc. etc.) I truly hate telemarketing and due to circumstances I have to do this for an indeterminate amount of time. I have sat in a cubicle many, many times with pure hatred in my heart at…what I do not know…the people I sell to, myself, the company I work for, the world. (don’t worry I am not rabid just angry I think at myself for not being able to “turn peoples thinking” “convince” “maybe I give up to quick.” Extremely High Pressure) Can you formulate any ideas from all this?
A. Unless you have a physical defect that makes it impossible to give up telemarketing, quit. You hate it. I don’t care how much money you can make or how influential you can be on a given call. Get out soon. I’m not going to show you how to get really good at hating your life.
A. I’m working on a book about saying “No!” (That is the title) It’s coming soon.
People need to be able to say no and persuasively and gently reduce other people’s resistance to hearing it. Persuasion is valuable. Coercion is destructive. There is a difference and people need to say “NO!” when something is going to set them or their lives back in some way. Thanks for asking.
Q. What (if any) is the interpretation of “patting” someone rather than a steady hug?
A. There are a few possible scenarios. Some people “pat” intentionally because they don’t want the hug to appear sexual either to the person or others in the room. Next is that the person really is not affectionate toward the person and it’s a feeble attempt to show emotion. Finally older baby boomers in the USA were simply taught that. You should now be able to narrow it down!
A. You have to sell you. If your mortgage loan is a 1/4 point higher or life insurance $30 more per year then it comes to what do YOU add to the equation. “Great service,” is a garbage statement. You get your car serviced not a loan or life insurance.
The answer is you. What extra perk can you legitimately give to this person that tangibly means something to them. Something with undeniable value? That is the answer.
A. There are a few things:
- First, we make appointments to see the doctor, the car mechanic, the dentist but don’t put our partner on the calendar. What’s that tell your partner? You don’t rate. Put them on the calendar. And don’t block out 15 minutes. Give it an hour. Relax, rest, watch a movie, take a bath. SMELL GOOD. Kiss your partner. Tell them they look beautiful. Touch their ears.
- Most women will confide that they want to have foreplay as part of great sax. I believe them.
- Most men will tell you they want sex often. (Like vitamins) I believe them.
- Men must ask for directions. That’s why men are bad at a lot of things….literally ask “does this feel good?” “Here?” Books can help. But personal research with your partner helps more.
- Even women and men who have never had an *rgasm can do so with the right amount of attention and comfort. If you are a guy, make it a plan to do what you can to give your partner an *rgasm. Once you have done that (and you won’t always reach that outcome) THEN start thinking about yourself too. If you fail your partner will know you tried and everyone fails sometimes. It’s not a crisis. Once you have accomplished your outcome there is typically little drive to give her the pleasure she deserves….so….ladies first.
A. Because people will murder, steal, rape, molest, and destroy without hypnosis and because most normal people will do most of those things given the wrong context anyway, the answer is basically “no.” That said, hypnotic techniques can be powerful and accelerate most behavioral results.
Q. Do you think you can spend some time on explaining why it isn’t possible that a high reading rate like this can not be achieved? I didn’t necessarily mean 400 words in five seconds, but maybe 400 words per minute or maybe twice/ thrice that speed. More importantly, can the brain make any comprehension in reading without subvocalization as its auditory processor?
A. 400 words per minute is doable for about 50% of the population. (Depends on content and level of material.) Thrice that would be asking the brain to take “pictures” of text and somehow translate those pictures into a story line or surgical procedure. The brain simply doesn’t take pictures and it doesn’t decode images into intended story lines. It’s not a function of “effort” but of capacity. Perhaps 1% of people could hit 1000 words per minute and know what the book was about. Even more claim they can. But do you want that guy to be your heart surgeon?
A. We all by nature want to be right. It’s in your DNA. It’s adaptive. It’s why you are here today! Being “right” means that you are accurately making sense of the world. You are “sane.” When someone tells you that you are wrong, it simply means that you are not “sane.” Thus, because of the brains need to make sense of the world and meaning of the sense, the brain demands that it is “right.”
Realize that memory, everyone’s memory, is utterly faulty and often useless in remembering something. Then realize that the emotions of the moment and in the memory paint the picture in a very different way than someone else recalls it.
Try, “I know you remember it that way. I believe you. I remember it differently. Kevin says that is normal and that we are both sane. Can we leave it at that?”
In an argument, like about politics or religion…different story. You’re now in world view and can’t start with big pictures. You must deal with tiny little pieces and find agreement among the tiny elements first.
Q. I saw an expert on professional body language and gestures say that this hand motion is rude, pompous, and condescending, but I cannot find facts to verify that. We’re doing an awareness presentation at my work and I would like to tell my coworkers whether or not they should do this when speaking in public. The gesture is hands in front of the torso, fingertips touching but palms not touching, looking like the person is praying. I’ve heard that if the fingers point to the audience, this is OK, but if the fingers point up, it is pretentious. Either way, I think it looks fake and condescending. What’s the real answer?
A. I do that on occasion. Spock did it on Star Trek in every episode. There are pictures in history books of people doing that and usually it does indicate a controlled gesture. To introject a negative intention into “controlled,” would be a mistake. It CAN be a sign of self perceived superiority but it can just as easily be a mechanism that is self imposed to think logically.
A. With the possible exception of a savant it’s not possible because it isn’t how the brain records information. It’s rather like asking, “why don’t you believe you can hear what someone else is thinking?” There are no photographs in the brain. There are vast amounts of connecting neurons that create and recreate pictures (and other senses) each time they are viewed. A true speed reader can pound out 500 words per minute and understand everything they are reading. (They can tell you the story in the novel, know the details, etc.) There are some verified instances I’ve seen of over 1000 words per minute and unofficial documentations of up to 2000 words per minute. That’s certainly the upper limit and I’m looking forward to the day when we see anyone come close in a controlled situation.
A. It’s a nonverbal hello. Nothing more. Could be the nod of a head, a smile, eye contact, the turn of the body toward someone or even opening your arms or legs in the direction of someone who sees you. Typically these “hello’s” are unintentional, though, they can make a very nice intentional way of breaking the ice.
A. Beginning in January we will have an international mastermind group at www.kevinhogan.com. If you want information about how to be part of this elite group, write email@example.com and we’ll send you all the details. It’s a group that I will lead and facilitate for one year to achieve and meet preset outcomes. There will be two “in person” weekends as well as 45 weeks of coaching divided between group and individual. It’s going to be an incredible experience.
Q. I drive by a this woman at a bus stop everyday. Neither of us smiles, but we make eye contact for a good few seconds till we can’t cause I have past by. It’s been for a couple of months. I would love to talk to her but she is a total stranger. help me please on this body language, thanks.
A. Next time you drive, by give her a big smile AND a wave. If she returns the smile and wave, the NEXT DAY you can stop by and say, “you must be married. tell me I’m wrong.” You have nothing to lose and everything to win…both of you!
Q. I often sell to a husband, wife at the same time. The personalities of each as you know can be quite different. When a combatant situation of opinion superiority takes place, how can I defuse one, in order to create a point of possible agreement.
A. Preclude it by having husband and wife sit directly next to each other facing you. Without eye contact it’s hard for them to trigger negative emotions in each other. If they are married, realize you are an intruder on his/her nest and therefore YOU focus on the person who is the same sex as you. 70/30. If someone gets volatile there are a number of ways to defuse. You can always match it with equivalent irritation then de-escalate. You can also nod your head when someone is volatile. That is defusing in itself. I strongly suggest you pick up Science of Influence 25-36. This specific series deals with resistance and reactance of the kind you mention here.
A. That’s not really a question but it’s a heck of a compliment. Thank you!
A. Especially, Science of Influence Library. Yes. Of course.
A. Thank you. or Interesting. or Good point. or Can I ask another question when I have a brain? All of these responses demand you take responsibility for the communication and that pint of humility usually defuses the negativity involved.
Q. I would like to hear your opinion on what message a man is trying to send to a woman if he (in a gentle way) puts his hand at the back of her neck (while walking alongside each other). This has puzzled me as the woman in subject is me and am trying to understand what was meant by this. Is this seduction or control????
A. Can be either liking or control. The neck itself is a very odd place for a man to place a hand on the back of the neck if he is attracted to her. More likely is the shoulder or back. The neck leans toward control.
A. Have your client communicate her pleasure with working with you, how well you took care of her needs, how quickly, how expertly, how responsively. Do NOT say, “he was an honest joe with lots of integrity.” They will shut you off.
A. You’re dealing with a bunch of ego driven men so you have to come across as valuable, confident, yet not BETTER THAN them…think in terms of making them look good to the bottom of the pyramid. Think in terms of them turning their options into cash in part because of what they will get from you. Most important, I wouldn’t call cold on any C-Level people. They need to know who you are, have an introduction to you from someone and have your e-zine in their mailbox every Monday morning right next to Coffee with Kevin Hogan.
A. I think that is pretty incisive. I can’t beat it. To implement it, you might want to utilize The Wealth Package which you can pick up in our store. Do things like Influence: Boot Camp where you meet the people that matter and learn to apply skills that cause you to be seen as brilliant, compassionate and knowledgeable. People will listen to your communication. If they are sold on you, money follows like water heading for the water falls…
A.Same as the above question. You should have two lists of things. What do you love to do and what are you really good at. Then take programs like The Wealth Package and Science of Influence and put these things together in a way that is going to make you valuable…a commodity…and a scarce one at that.
A. The nonconscious (emotional/reptilian) part of the brain is largely on autopilot and you need to use the 16 desires to weave into that structure. Otherwise, apparent or not you are looking for behavioral change at the conscious level and trying to map over the nonconscious mind. Doable and you always have your work cut out for you.
Q. You have mentioned in Science of Influence CD’s that material has really evolved a lot since you wrote your first book on The Psychology of Persuasion. Should I just forget about the first book and jump right in with The Science of Influence? I’m in sales (not by choice) and really need help.
A. The answer is Psychology of Persuasion is an excellent square one book. It’s a great book to return to for classic ideas and information. BUT the reality is that in the last decade we have discovered more than we knew about influence and persuasion in selling and marketing than we knew in history prior to that. If you want to compete and close the optimal number of sales, start on the Science of Influence CD programs. You will never regret it. Promise.
Q. I recently invested in your Science of Influence program (1-12) I have found the information eye opening, exciting and very relevant to everything I do in my life. (Well nearly everything) I know I have a ways to go before I can master the program. I am in the process of developing a new marketing strategy and feel your material knowledge and expertise is exceptional. I wonder if you can help me?
A. Listen in the car and at home. At home take notes. Two sets. Theory and applications. If I use an analogy of selling financial products and you sell real estate, make sure you note the immediate and obvious application to real estate so you can implement later. Once you have the material welded into your brain you are all set. That comes with implementing the applications and repetition of listening. One without the other usually has a poor result with any form of learning.
Q. I signed up for Video Business cards for cold calling. What message should I be communicating to my prospects and how can I position the information in this video business card to ensure I get appointments from my target market (Entrepreneurs and Professionals)? My areas of expertise are Pension planning, Tax Strategies, Investment, Insurance and Business continuation Strategies.
A. You don’t tell me how they are getting your “card” and that makes all the difference in the world. So the short answer is what is the dramatic difference between YOU and everyone else out there.
Q. I have heard of Hypnotherapists creating dissociation in the Client with a method where they get the conscious mind to go and do something interesting while they talk to the unconscious mind. In return I will now share the method I heard about.
A. The method you discussed is ill advised. I suggest you read Hilgard and Watson’s work and go from there.
Q. Is it right to say the more difficult a suggestion is the more effective it is concerning it is once complied with? And when the suggestion of one and the same trance phenomenon is repeated several times, does the effect slow down and become weaker with each time the phenomena is produced again, or is there no such decline?
A. Any suggestion complied with is good. The larger the suggestion the greater the relationship and likely for future compliance. Repetition is largely unimportant.
Q. It is said that in sales, perception is reality from the customer’s point of view, but here in my country, the INSURANCE industry has a very bad image, in fact nobody wants to invest in this sector. Please tell me how do I tackle this problem?
A. Insurance is not seen favorably in developing countries. When people have nothing to lose or don’t understand the concept of loss because they haven’t had anything to lose in the past, you face a challenge. You can’t change the perception of a country, but you can start to teach people in your community the value of pooling protection of property and life. Not all insurance is valuable, but the basics are for people who could lose it all. Look at all the people in New Orleans who will have nothing for the rest of their lives because they didn’t have correct coverage. People need to learn from others’ mistakes so they don’t have to learn from their own.
A. If you mean you want to sell large volumes to individual sales, you are going to have to sell and serve one or two products or services. Companies tend to be loyal until they get screwed at which point they switch. For you, you want to engender loyalty and regularly be offering opportunities to ask for more business. As long as you are the best, buyers will consider you. Tenacity and persistence really do pay.