You are fully prepared.
You have gathered all the intelligence you possibly can.
You are now AT the table and ready to negotiate.
It’s human nature to want to be heard and understood. It’s also human nature to want to go first – but if you want to be effective in negotiation, you quell that instinct.
Letting the other person share their views, needs and desires first, does a few things:
Negotiation Skill: Be First to Listen, Think and Reduce Resistance
- It puts you in a stronger position. When you start the conversation by saying, “What do you want me to know?”, you reduce resistance. This allows the person to communicate their thoughts, feelings, ideas, dreams, outcomes, goals.
- Listening “first” allows you to reshape your communication so that it is based on what the other person tells you. You may guess that your customer wants a refund because she didn’t like the product, when in actuality the color or shade was wrong and she would happily accept an exchange for something that was out of stock when she made her original purchase.
Always ask to find out what the real problem is. Some people don’t want you to know. Some people don’t know themselves. Some people will be honest with you with open communication.
- You have a great advantage. By listening instead of talking there is almost nothing that the other person can be frustrated with as far as your impending proposal. Strive to listen first. Most good salespeople who negotiate regularly are aware that the “first to name a number” is at “disadvantage.” There is some truth to this. The benefit of listening is that you find out early what the other person/group wants, needs and desires. It’s then a lot easier to give them what they want while you get what you need to take away.
- Listening first means you are likeable. No one listens first. It’s rare. It’s not even easy for most people to listen. And importantly, it’s polite to let the other person go first. By going last, you come across as likeable and polite if you step back.
Listening doesn’t mean you shut your mouth and wait until the other person is done talking. And, the last thing you want to do is drone on about your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs about why you are right and they are wrong. Instead, listening means you truly seek to understand their point of view, and what motivates them.
What follows are some specific behaviors you can exhibit to foster a favorable outcome.
What you can do …
Negotiation Skill: Listen with Fascination, Curiosity, and Focus
Feed back portions of conversation to the other person that show you understand at many levels. Reflecting verbatim messages can be important. Being certain that you have captured the intent of communication is even MORE important.
Do you understand WHY and WHAT they want? Could you articulate it effectively and be compelling with an independent party? That’s how you know you have access to their perspective.
When they see that you understand them at a deep level, you are able to be on their wavelength.
EVERYONE SCREWS THIS UP.
Let me give you an example from this week at a personal level.
“You don’t even understand what I’m saying.”
“OK, tell me if this is close to what you are thinking. Maybe I’m way off base. First you are suggesting that recycling in Europe is something you are familiar with. It’s important because you want to make a contribution to the planet and this is important. You think I was suggesting that American’s recycle with superior technology and that is irritating to hear because after all American’s do everything better than Europeans. This causes you to think that this is typical of American’s thinking they do everything better than everyone. You wonder how I, like most Americans, are arrogant and wonder if there is anything we do that is inferior to Europeans. And the summary is this makes you very frustrated dealing with me.”
“Yes but I am not sure you REALLY understand that.”
“Hmm… I can understand that. Is there anything additional I could share with you that would help create a bridge here? Because I can give you a list a mile long of things the American government completely sucks at. Stuff no European government could be more idiotic about….ever.”
“Not really. But I still don’t feel good.”
People NEVER feel good when there is a “right/wrong” conversation. Obviously if they are being told they are wrong you are essentially telling them they are mentally deficient and they are generally stupid because they wouldn’t believe something that is “wrong.” NO ONE would. THIS PIECE must be understood by the negotiator because most people DIE not realizing this critical fact of communication.
Once you have created a frame where they can in some way be “correct” you can continue.
“Then it’s OK to take a chance that you are receiving accurate information from me, only as far as my understanding your frustrations and nothing else, until you hear otherwise?”
Now this IS CRITICAL.
If the person you are negotiating with believes you have a hidden agenda or are lying for some reason, there is NO POINT to continue. Nothing positive can happen.
But if the person allows you to open the door of agreement about understanding on this ONE piece, the negotiation can move forward.
And it’s RIGHT NOW that YOU usually FEEL like YOU should be HEARD.
GET OVER IT.
If you want to be the best negotiator, the best communicator, the wisest trainer, teacher, educator, you will have long ago recognized that how you FEEL means ALMOST NOTHING to achieving success in negotiating a positive result for both of you.
If 1/1000 people have learned ONLY the skills that are discussed in this article, then the chances that TWO people know them is 1 in 1 MILLION.
In other words, if YOU GET IT… they almost certainly do not.
So you have to take the role of your advocate AND their reframer, advocating for their position.
You might be thinking, “Hey, what about my wavelength?”
Once again, never confuse your emotional need to verbalize with the results you want to achieve. You’re negotiating. The only thing you need is a positive result. Winners don’t need to be right, they simply win…hopefully for both parties.
Negotiation Skill: Just Ask
The most effective strategy to reduce the amount of words you verbalize is to ask questions.
You ask questions, so you can be certain their viewpoint, their experience and perspective is clear. You ask questions so you can be certain of their outcomes.
Asking questions also frees you from the very risky behavior of completing their sentences for them.
In the right setting and done carefully, completing their sentences could be helpful, but it can back fire. It’s almost always better to ask questions instead.
While they are verbalizing, listen from their perspective. Think about what and why they believe or feel what they are expressing. How did they come to this point?
Understand the track of their thinking from time intervals that happened earlier than today. Think about how they came to the point they are at today. See if you might come to the same point. The closer you can observe from their perspective, the more likely you are to gain a mutually favorable outcome.
Whatever you do, avoid the temptation to jump in, to defend, argue, or convince unless it is absolutely necessary.
Sometimes you may find that the other person just wants to be heard, and once they feel you’ve listened to them – truly listened – no further action is required!
When things get out of hand …
Negotiation Skill: Be Mostly Positive
There are definitely moments when blowing up or being intensely heated in a conversation can be advantageous. BUT, in general, it’s better to keep your emotions in check.
Think about the last time you watched someone chew out a customer service representative at the store.
Think about the concept. Bill goes into a store angry that his TV doesn’t work and he’s going to yell at a customer service rep making $12 an hour. The CSR of course has absolutely nothing to do in any way with Bill’s TV. He’s never seen Bill or the TV. He’s an employee of the electronics store and that is it.
You and I look at these out-of-control people with a mixture of pity and embarrassment. But you also look at them and think, “Don’t they know they’re alienating the one person who can fix their problem?”
Think about it. Bill wants his TV to work.
- Bill begins yelling and telling the CSR that he is going to have him fired if he doesn’t get the TV fixed fast or
- Bill COULD approach the CSR calmly and politely, asking Bill for his assistance in meeting Bill’s desired outcome.
Who would YOU be more likely to go out of your way to really help?
Customer service people are often the lowest on the corporate totem pole. They typically aren’t particularly well-paid. They don’t have a lot of seniority. They don’t have a ton of power.
But one thing that they can control is how much they’re willing to go out of their way to help you out. Be rude and nasty, and they’re going to slam the virtual door in your face. Be kind and polite, and you just may find out that some rules are bent in your favor.
Negotiation Skill: Maintain Control
Remember, this is not to say there isn’t a time and a place for getting angry, or escalating the issue. But you need to be in CONTROL of yourself. If the person you’re negotiating with is actually fearing for his or her personal safety, they’re not only going to shut you down, they may call Security on you as well!
If you feel yourself losing control or spinning into anger, step away. Let the other person know your emotions are getting the best of you, and you’ll get back in touch when you’ve calmed down a bit. If this sounds like you have to bite back your pride, so be it. It’s a lot easier on the ego to take a five minute break, rather than looking like an idiot in front of a store full of people.
Keep reminding yourself of your ultimate outcome. Your outcome is not to make the other person back down or feel bad.
Your outcome is to get as much of your desired result as possible. Unless it is obvious to the contrary, view the other party as your ally, not your enemy.
When it’s your turn … you’re up!
You Are Now Up to Bat…
You may think that once the other person has had their chance to share their position, it’s your turn to erupt. Being prepared reduces such outbursts.
How you share your position has a significant weight on the ultimate result of the conversation.
Here are some tips for sharing your perspective:
- Quell defensive behavior. You might be inclined to start out by telling the other person just how wrong they are. Stop! Defending your position or attacking them puts you on opposite teams. You are in search of a win-win, so find something, some point, no matter how small, about which you can agree. It could be as simple as, “I agree with you that Kayla and Kenzie have a later curfew. I’m willing to talk about this with you.” This lets the other party know you heard them and you are searching for common ground.
- Ask for help. One valuable technique is to ask the person to help you.”I’m having trouble with the way shifts have been scheduled for next week. Can you help me understand?” Bring the issue to the table without making the other person the enemy. Allow the person to be on your side. People, particularly those in customer service, like to help when they can. Help them feel useful and powerful.
- Ask for what you want. Make your request clear so there’s no question what you see as the desired outcome. “I’d appreciate it if you could reverse the charges this month and help me figure out how to lower my overall bill”, for example, is a much more powerful statement than, “I got charged for 100 texts this month.”What you want is clear in the first request. The second leaves nowhere for the other person to go. They could easily reply with, “So?”
- You will need to give them more information before they can do anything, so why not make your request clear?
- Be quiet. One of the worst things you can do in negotiating is to negotiate against yourself. Once you’ve made a request, be quiet. Let the other person respond. If you keep talking, you will keep conceding, often unnecessarily. In order to calm the urge to talk, some salespeople tell themselves that every word they speak costs them money. Often, that’s true!
Knowing how to properly phrase your own request is key to successful negotiating.
Being able to share your thoughts and feelings without alienating the other person will help you maintain a position of strength and not give away unnecessary concessions.
Negotiation Skills are Universal
Negotiations take place all throughout your life. You have interactions with your family and friends. You negotiate with co-workers, clients and bosses. While it is possible to use brute force, loud voices and the intimidation factor to try to get what you want, there are more successful, and less intimidating, methods.
It can seem overwhelming at first, but pick one skill or principle each week to focus on. After being involved in a negotiation, review how it went.
What can you do differently the next time?
Where did you lose your cool?
When did your Emotional Intelligence become challenged?
Negotiating in good faith means giving people what they need, if possible. More often than not, you don’t want to shut the other person out.
What you do want is for you to “win” and be certain the other person “wins” as well.
In unusual circumstances where you face a zero sum game, your preparation and approach as you have learned in this series of articles will increase your probability of favorable outcomes.
Hidden Persuaders that You Can Use
Working With Human Nature to Gain Compliance in Selling, Marketing, Business and Personal Relationships…Instantly!
“Human nature is about right now, in this moment, the next ten seconds.”
— Kevin Hogan
Covert Factors Matter
On 9 CDs you can listen again and again to burn these new concepts,
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Why is it that people are impotent when it comes to influence? Why do people stink at selling? (And hate to sell?)
People go to motivational seminars. They come back. They go to work Monday… They still sell “10%.” Why? They are smiling, motivated, blah, blah, blah. Because far more in the realm of selling and persuading others is about nonverbal stuff than anything you will ever say.
Actually, “motivation” in the sense that most people think about it, has very little to do with influencing or selling or much of anything.
But there are factors that do matter in whether someone will sell a whole bunch more stuff, a little stuff or no stuff. “Positive Attitude” might sound cool, but it doesn’t rank in the top 10 factors that sell.
Magic Words in Business & Personal Relationships
Business and relationships revolve around fixing the problems noted just above and bringing life as close as possible to the things you want. So does politics. Of course, so does pretty much everything.
In fact, the concept of “business” vs. “personal” doesn’t exist in the human animal, or even the human mind. “Business” is an arbitrary construct and the creation of culture. The human brain has no such understanding of these concepts. It’s ALL personal to the brain and there is NO business.
Did You Make ANY of THESE Mistakes (that even the pros make) the Last Time You Failed to Make the Sale?
There are 10 Deal Breakers that CAUSE them to say “No” and they never even knew why.
Do You Talk Too Much?
How much is too much? More words aren’t necessarily better. Don’t worry, most people do babble. And it’s a fairly easy habit to change. But you need to know how much and what to say that matters.
…Plus 9 more Deal Breakers!
Little Things Mean a Lot.…
Here’s all the relevant research you need to stay on top of the competition! From how visual and verbal contact matter to outcomes; to familiarity in context; and specific wording in marketing campaigns can make all the difference to compliance. Social norms and the average buyer. What do you need to know?
Live and In Person…
How to influence a crowd utilizing more than just words. Strategies to make your presentation the most influential possible. Behind the scenes; setting the stage—influencing them before you even step up on the stage.
Digging Around in Their Head
In the average person, you’ll find all the same things: fear, doubt, uncertainty, shame, anger, and a need to change…something. It’s your job to recognize their pain…and fix it. How?
The Techniques of Instant Influence
40+ specific techniques (!) are described and dissected for you. The Primacy Effect, Inoculation, Jeer Appeal, Foot in the Door, Hypocrisy Reduction, Evocation of Freedom. Plus so many more. Do you know how to utilize each to its best effect? Kevin Hogan outlines them all.
The Principles of Why People Buy
What’s one of the most important things to know before giving a Persuasive Selling Presentation?
Understanding what motivates people to buy and then pushing all the right buttons.
People buy things all the time without even knowing WHY they bought it. But, you can easily figure it out. What are the core principles of consumer buying? And, what one principle can you utilize every day in getting to “Yes” more often?
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Hidden Persuaders You Can Use
CD 1 Magic of Instant Influence
Track 1 10:04 Why are most people impotent at influence?
Track 2 09:57 How Their Mood Affects Their Buying Choice
Track 3 10:02 Non-Subliminal Primes
Track 4 10:02 The Dying Sales & Marketing Strategy
Track 5 09:57 The *New* Magic Words of Persuasion: Do You Know Them?
Track 6 16:00 Assignation of Meaning
CD 2 The “Pros” Make These Mistakes
Track 1 10:00 Will Logic Overcome?
Track 2 10:06 Did You Make These Influence Mistakes?
Track 3 10:02 The Influence of *Your* Friends
Track 4 09:57 Group Opinion
Track 5 09:58 Three Psychological Doors Proven to Enter Their Mind
Track 6 08:39 Convenience Vs. Cost
CD 3 The Little Things That *Really* Mean A Lot
Track 1 09:58 Peripheral Cues
Track 2 10:01 Familiarity
Track 3 10:06 Nonconscious Responses
Track 4 10:04 How Social Norms Influence
Track 5 10:02 Little Things Change Big Behaviors
Track 6 10:12 Words Cost Billions …or not
CD 4 You: “Live” in Person
Track 1 09:58 Setting the Stage for Influence
Track 2 10:08 Behind the Scenes
Track 3 09:56 Hemispheric Visual & Auditory
Track 4 10:01 Future Biography & Crowd Observation
Track 5 10:09 Distinctions in Image Creation – Men / Women
Track 6 10:32 Bonus Material: The 859 and 501 Tactics
CD 5 Digging Around in Their Head
Track 1 09:53 Cognitive Dissonance Behavioral Technique
Track 2 10:03 Your Goal in Getting Them to Yes
Track 3 10:02 Conscious and Nonconscious Mind Reading Techniques
Track 4 10:03 People Want to Buy From _____
Track 5 10:00 The Instant Influence Sequence
Track 6 11:50 Mind Reading 101 and Beyond
CD 6 The Grand Strategy
Track 1 09:56 Your Goal is to _____
Track 2 10:03 Action ===> Attitude
Track 3 10:03 People Like to Buy
Track 4 09:58 Five Ways to Get Their Attention
Track 5 10:00 Digging Deeper into Feelings, Emotions, Passions
Track 6 07:43 Designing Your Product/Brand
Track 7 04:59 Getting Them to Change / Building Your Message
CD 7 Prime Motivators & Instant Influence Techniques
Track 1 09:52 Negative Emotions are Prime Motivators
Track 2 09:58 Concepts for Instant Application
Track 3 10:15 They Are Experiencing Fear, Don’t Pop The Balloon
Track 4 09:53 Completely Quell Their Resistance
Track 5 10:04 The Expert vs. The Non Expert
Track 6 07:20 The Best Techniques of Instant Influence # 1-6
Track 7 05:11 The Seventh Technique #7
CD 8 The Best Techniques of Instant Influence
Track 1 09:59 Techniques of Instant Influence # 8 – 15
Track 2 09:59 Techniques of Instant Influence # 16 – 23
Track 3 10:06 Techniques of Instant Influence # 24 – 27
Track 4 09:59 Techniques of Instant Influence # 28 – 34
Track 5 10:09 Techniques of Instant Influence # 35 – 39
Track 6 07:49 Techniques of Instant Influence # 40
Track 7 04:41 Bonus: Hypnotic Language Pattern: Tested and Found
CD 9 Know the Reasons People Buy
Track 1 10:03 The Power of “Thinking Without Thinking”
Track 2 10:00 Personal Identification
Track 3 10:01 But, What if They Dislike You or Your Product?
Track 4 09:55 Seven Instant Influence Tactics That Really Work
Track 5 10:01 What Motivates Them to Buy?
Track 6 07:11 People Buy Because of Presentation.
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