When Jen and Steve met, they were instantly attracted to each other. Those electrifying sparks started to fly. In an exciting whirlwind of activities and romantic dates, they swept each other off their feet. You know the feeling. That split-second of physical attraction followed by that thrilling feeling of chemistry. But when that “sweaty palm” stage is over and the romance veil starts to lift, did you really choose the perfect partner for you?
What if there was a surefire way to know if a person was right for you? If 3 key questions would save you time, energy and ultimately, heartbreak, would you be willing to ask yourself the questions? Of course you would. Dating can be fun, but if your ultimate goal is to find your life partner, there is no reason to spend time with people who aren’t right for you.
If you can honestly answer YES to the following three questions, the person you are dating is definitely a potential life partner. If not, they are most likely not a match. And please, be honest with yourself. If you choose not to see red flags, you are only hurting yourself.
- Do I respect this person so much that I want to be more like him/her? Respect is crucial in any relationship, particularly in a life partnership or marriage. As a Dating Coach, I am frequently asked if I believe any two people can be successful in a relationship. My answer is yes, if there is mutual respect and they appreciate their differences. Notice I didn’t say it would be easy for all couples, just possible. Respect is key. However, shared values, emotional health and maturity, and good communication skills will ultimately make the success of a relationship easier than if these key elements (to name a few) are missing.
The litmus test for respect is determining if you want to emulate this person. What qualities do you respect in this person? Would you be happy if your child turns out like him/her?
- If his/her personality and habits stay exactly the same as they are today, will I be happy 20, 30, 40+ years from now?
Dena and Bob met at work. They were engaged to be married. Bob’s passion was baseball. He watched baseball on TV, he talked about baseball with friends and played on a league. Dena couldn’t stand the sport. Dena told me she couldn’t wait to be married so that Bob would stop “this baseball stuff”. She was going to lay down the law about no more baseball.
If you can’t be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don’t get married. Don’t expect to change another person. You’ll be frustrated and he/she’ll be resentful. Can you accept this person exactly as he/she, for the rest of your life?
- Do we share common goals and priorities?
Sure, chemistry and common interests are important. However, make sure you share the deeper level of connection that comes through sharing life goals. To avoid growing apart from your life partner, figure out what you’re living for while you’re single and then find someone who independently came to the same conclusion as you.
Two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life’s purpose, respect each other, and accept each other are truly partners for life.
Coach Katherin offers all the resources for today’s relationships. Articles, quizzes, tidbits, relationship tips, classes and seminars. MakingLoveWork4u.com.