…In Your House
Oh, don’t worry…I know there is seemingly little hope for humanity when it comes to solving tensions with those you live with, particularly when text messages that kill, exist forever and can’t be edited, make up a chunk of life “conversation” in 2019, but let’s see if we can stop the ticking bomb so the conflict explosion at least avoids you and me.
Text (When you are away)
Text only for tactical, “pick up bread,” and leave it for everything other than, “You look beautiful today.”
Text is processed in a brain that is susceptible to environmental influence.
I hate texting. Without an editor I am sunk. And no one is editing my texts, so I avoid texting at all cost.
If you type and then tap “SEND” without thinking three times you will pay a steep price soon.
Try explaining the concept of Selves or Ego States to someone you love who you just whipped off a sarcastic text to. Boom.
Solution: Talk to people on video or face to face in real life. Skip texting and you’ll stop a lot of problems.
Texting and driving is bad. Texting and drinking is far worse and flat out stupid. Even I’ve had two glasses of wine and texted. Two and I will skip the research. You are like me and you are relaxed when your prefrontal lobes are calmed and the amygdala are at ease from those two glasses of wine.. Those two brain regions CAN stop people from doing dumb stuff in the spur of the moment. (Thinking and fear.) Slow those two pieces down and the emotional and reptilian brains go right to lashing out under stress.
Solution: Keep your phone turned off.
Reducing the The Threat (When you are right there)
Start at the Talk-to-Listen Ratio.
Process what you are hearing the other person say to you.
I heard that groan. “Yuck! Pfttttt!”
Wait. Watch this:
Most people stink at processing what the other person says because they seriously simply don’t get it. They’ve had a process explained only in psychological mumbo jumbo that is often pure nonsense.
Let’s walk through what you can do to defuse tension fairly quickly.
- Silence on Your Part. First thing “silence” means is to shut up…totally. Wired jaw shut, vocal cords ripped out, no eyes rolling behind the head. (Rolling eyes is not only a penalty but automatic ejection and yes an automatic first down – for the other the team that wants to explode.)
- Take Handwritten Notes. Second thing it means is don’t try and think of what you are going to say in response to what they say or do. Make this a forever strategy. Yes, the very best thing for you to do is to take notes during an argument (fight). It will take a while to get used to doing this. But do it.(Seriously)When what is being spoken is “recorded” on paper, people tend to instantly “go up” a few “grade levels” in what they say.And the fact is, you’ll have it all written down so you have zero chance of misunderstanding what they are thinking/feeling.”Why are you writing down what I’m saying?”
“Because I am hearing more than I can keep in my brain. It matters. You matter. I want to get it and that’s no sh…”
- Listen to what they are saying. You already have mentally biased them as being wrong. And obviously, they seem to have the errant belief that you’re wrong. Therefore you only have one hope. You can let each other be wrong, and right, without proving anything, and move to the next step. Statements like “What the hell were you thinking?” “Why did you do that? “How could you have let that happen?” “Why do you always do that?” “I’ll give you one more chance to…” “If you do that again, I’m x’ing.” ….are all about blame and cannot be answered by almost anyone without a mediator. Do this and you set the fuse for the explosion. Never, never, reference PAST behavior or ask people why they did something they did. The truth is brains aren’t that smart. The reality is that if it matters focus on now and tomorrow.
- Repeat What Was Said. This step in defusing a bomb that is about to go off is being able to repeat, without sarcasm, what the heck they just said.People want evidence that you “understand” them, and because 90% of all people argue and never even hear what the other person said, you now go to a new category of species in their mind. Even if you think they are wrong, at least you GET what they are saying. You can at least make their argument for them.
- Show Understanding. “You must have felt like I didn’t care.” “You must have been ticked off.” “You must have been disgusted.” This step in defusing the bomb is to show that you REALLY UNDERSTAND that point of view. As insane as it undoubtedly seems, it IS their point of view. It IS their feelings. And they will feel whatever they feel until they feel something else. They will not feel something better until they have been heard and understood.
- Provide Validation. At this point, the bomb is generally defused and now you have to get the thing apart so…tensions don’t escalate again.Keep this written on a coffee table near you. In each argument, creative discussion, fight, blow out – you want to be able to complete this sentence, “You must’ve felt X when you saw or experienced Y.”I promise that this is far and away the most difficult part. I mean, you got the bomb defused but that sentence takes the bomb APART and renders it impotent.
Realize, remember and constantly reflect on the fact that you are Listening, RIGHT NOW.
Listening is NOT apologizing.
It is not time for swearing or saying someone is wrong.
Listening is learning. Literal learning. You are positive they are wrong (never say that) and you are literally learning how and what they are feeling and thinking because your version of reality is absolutely DIFFERENT.
Always be aware that feelings don’t think but people think within their feelings.
Using Conflict Defusion Technology during an argument is the first step you can take to rapidly mellow the situation and solve whatever problems have arisen.
Realize, however, that when people feel strongly about an issue, their flooded emotions will influence their ability to communicate and listen.
“Flooded” means their heart rate is accelerated, their mind is racing, and no matter what, when someone’s heart rate is elevated, even from physical activity, they are NOT going to communicate as effectively…if at all.
You are better off waiting 30 minutes for Flooding feelings to subside. (Author and famed marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman taught me this personally, and I promise it is easier said than done…and that it works.)
So WAIT with wisdom.
Don’t race out the door, “Fine I’ll be back in 30 minutes.” “Oh man, take your stupid 30 minutes….” It means, “Hey I’m going to go and do laundry for a half hour. I’ll be back after that to talk with you.” There is no absolutely elegant way to break when upset, but this concept works pretty well.
Defuse the Tensions and Suggest Effective Communication
…if you suggest “intelligent communication”, you could and probably should get shot. That simply means that your interpretation of their communication is something near Pre-School Level.
So….don’t do that.
Here are five techniques you can use to defuse disasters and enhance effective communication. (…have an intelligent discussion…)
FIRST: Criticize, (if you absolutely must) the issue or behavior, NEVER the person.
I hate criticism as much as you do. I imagine the person you’re arguing with does, too. So don’t.
Legend Point: By dealing with the PROBLEM or the BEHAVIOR, you largely avoid attacking the other person. Never think that criticizing the behavior makes everything OK. It doesn’t. It’s their behavior that you’re criticizing. But it is definitely better than ripping on them as a human, a husband, daughter, girlfriend, whatever.
If you are “arguing” with your kid (or whoever) about a curfew (or whatever), stick to the issue of the curfew or to his behavior of breaking curfew. Don’t dig up all of his past mistakes or call him a “dumb kid who can’t do anything right”. That is attacking the person. It will shred his self-esteem and create castle-sized barriers.
Listen to what he has to say, and keep him on track if he strays from the issue. Continue to defuse, using the tools on the first page, even if the other person does not. (simply know you will feel like you have given it all in this discussion and that they have given nothing and you feel like everything should be fair and square and even steven, but that is not how life works…remember this is about defusing a bomb, not disassembling a squirt gun.)
Your continued use of Defusion Techniques will help put a stop to a potentially damaging situation.
Legend Point: YOU have to go up one level and look at the situation from a Meta Point of View.
Realize that this person has SOME worth, right? Otherwise why are YOU in the house/office WITH THEM?
It is almost impossible to practice Defusion Techniques if you dismiss the other person as “inferior” or “worthless” (verbally or in your mind.)
You don’t have to agree with him, but it is crucial that you respect his right to a different opinion and acknowledge his sense of value as a person.
Find something that the two of you have in common in reference to this situation. Reference a time that was a better day. Try to understand what the other person is saying and why he feels a certain way.
Legend Point: Get TOTALLY OUT of BLACK AND WHITE Thinking. Avoid absolutes and generalizations – right/wrong, bad/good, always/never.
Phrases like “you always” or “you never” are absolutes and generalizations that shut down communication and RESPECT.
If YOU hear them and understand them, counter with essentially this, “I hear you saying I always do so and so. I get that. Actually I am not trying to be a complete idiot, but I’m sure I come across that way sometimes.”
The same is true of statements that indicate right/wrong or bad/good. This is not to say there aren’t situations that are right or wrong, bad or good, but in an argument most right/wrong or bad/ good situations are merely exaggerations and the truth is somewhere in between.
Sweeping generalizations polarize a conflict. The focus then is not on solving the problem at hand, but instead the focus becomes each party effectively defining her respective position and feelings. That is not going to help unless you have a structure agreed upon for solving before the disaster has happened.
Legend Point: Send “I feel” messages instead of “You” messages.
For example, when you say, “You moron, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” you are sending a “you” message.
An “I” message would be, “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” “I am upset when I need to take extra time to pick up your things.” The “you” message lays blame on the speaker. The “I” message clarifies your concerns.
Again, blame will still be FELT, but it will be muted a bit by the intention and language.
The same is true with your teen/husband/wife/friend. An “I” message would be, “I worry about you when you aren’t home by your curfew,” or “When you come in after your curfew, you are purposely defying me.” The “I” message tells the other person how you feel about a situation. The “I” message is concerned with the issue.
The “you” message attacks the person. Can’t do that. Gotta stop it.
Legend Point: Engage your brain and suspend your emotions. This is perhaps the hardest of the five techniques, because verbal conflicts by nature are emotional.
Arguing vs. Discussing
The ultimate goal is to turn the verbal conflict into a discussion. Verbal conflicts are a total waste of time. They are counterproductive in conducting business (at home or office) and certainly don’t foster a harmonious home life. Ultimately they must stop in lieu of better options.
Instead of letting your emotions take over, ask yourself, “How can I help solve this problem?” “What solution is best for both of us?” “What can we change?”
You need to control your emotions for the sake of the issue. Listen non-judgmentally. It requires an intelligent person to do so…
But wait a minute…what about THEM? They are getting off easy! You are acting intelligent, wise and caring and they are a psycho-nut from the planet Stupidupon. That doesn’t seem fair.
What Not To Do During A Conflict
FIRST: Don’t get in a power struggle.
Part of being the person who is NOT from the planet Stupidupon, is to realize that you DON’T WANT TO BE CONFUSED WITH BEING FROM THERE. You want to be the poster child for intelligence, wisdom, sensibility, caring.
At first it will drive them nuts.
I mean, think about it. They are SCREAMING at you about what a jerk you are while you QUIETLY sit with your LEGAL PAD, taking COPIOUS NOTES. Do you know how fast a person realizes they are being incredibly …foolish… with the massive emotional contrast?
It’s almost instantaneous.
And if you stick to your...Pad…you both win. If you don’t you both lose.
Losing sucks. You hate it so much that you need to let them win, so you don’t lose.
Legend Point: There is a significant relationship between power and authority.
Many times, as power increases, authority decreases and vice versa. Erik Erikson noted that children become emotionally disturbed when they possess power they cannot responsibly handle. Clearly defined norms and rules are needed to govern life, or people become self-destructive.
Secret? It’s not just kids….
That’s why eventually, you’ll ask the other person to adopt the strategy of leaving Stupidupon and join you on your planet…but not today.
And in the case of kids, doesn’t it seem you live in a world with generations of X’s and Y’s and that Millennials that are almost anarchists and squatters?
One creative response you can bring to conflict is an ability to give away power, allowing others to take control of their feelings and the event in question.
Your authority psychologically INCREASES when you empower others instead of getting into power struggles. If you can find a way to turn aside power struggles, you’ll be more effective during conflict.
Legend Point: Don’t detach from the conflict. At first, this may seem contradictory, but it is actually a way to monitor conflict and keep it under control. It is important that you have a passionate concern for both the people and the problem.
Business will not operate without people, and it cannot operate efficiently until substantial conflicts are managed. Concern is one motivation that drives us to find the opportunity in conflict.
Legend Point: Never let conflict determine your agenda.
Steven Covey was probably the first to come up with the concept of important vs. urgent. It is imperative to do the important tasks, not just the urgent. This principle is often distorted under the pressure of conflict, and many important business matters are ignored in an attempt to deal with the conflict.
Perspective is the key. In conflict, you must know both the goals and direction in which to move. Decision and responses to conflict should match this overall direction.
But sometimes urgent needs interfere with daily schedules. A time study should reveal that you have spent time managing priorities and not managing conflict unendingly.
Remember: every minute spent in emotional verbal conflict is destructive of everything around you. The business. The relationship. And it is a huge waste of time that nothing good comes from.
In order to help you manage the urgent, don’t spend all your time and energy on one point. Move to something where agreement can be found.
Time Traps and Stress Lead to Conflict
At home or in business, watch time traps. Are there tasks that always seem to consume your time before you’re aware it’s gone? That’s worth fixing.
Now, identify urgent issues, especially negative or conflict issues. If you notice one consistent time offender, manage that offender.
The intensity of the conflict determines which strategies will be the most effective. It is easy to be pushed to worst-case scenarios when faced with a difficult conflict.
Those locked into higher levels of conflict lose their ability to quantify the intensity of the problem. Don’t let that be you.
Rules of Engagement
Keep in mind the following:
- People are rarely as benevolent as they perceive themselves to be. (Even you and me!)
- People are rarely as evil as their opponents perceive them to be.
- Individuals rarely spend as much time thinking about the issues as they believe.
- The motivations of others are rarely as planned or thought out as presented. Most aspects of conflict spin off other events, and are not the result of cold-hearted calculation.
- Every conflict has a history that extends beyond the present. The people and their previous patterns of relating taint the present perception.
Anthony Robbins once said that we get angry when someone breaks our rules. I believe he said something like, “all conflicts are ‘rules’ conflicts.” It was gold the first time I heard it and it has been refined ever since.
Next time a conflict starts, it might be worth asking, “What rule am I breaking?” And then… “What rule of mine is she breaking?”
You figure that out, and it might be a very short conflict!
A New Intelligent (and peaceful) Planet
Now how do you get them to leave planet crazy without telling them they were there?
You suggest you each leave your current planets, and reboot on ANOTHER planet. Ask for the person to try to talk to you with a legal pad and pen when they get mad, just a couple times for the heck of it.
Fortunately it’s awkward at first and it takes volatility away from the humans and puts it toward paper and pens…
Generally, if two people care about the business, or each other, they’ll give each other THAT MUCH; and if they don’t, it’s time to find another business partner or person to live on your planet.
Fact is…they probably hate arguing and fighting. They hate conflict. There are psychopaths who won’t put a pad of paper and pen in their hands because they are emotional. Take that as a tip. But, in a quiet moment, most people are agreeable to most things, if you influence them to your way of thinking….
Want to find out the different ways we self-sabotage ourselves? Better yet, want to know how to STOP self-sabotaging, and start achieving? Start here.
I’ve identified 12 of the life patterns which cause us to trip up – and make the same mistakes again and again. To discover which of the 12 patterns you have been the victim of and how to eliminate self-sabotage in your life (or those of your clients) you can pick up the CD program and guide:
Lifestorms: Erasing the 12 Obstacles to Achievement. Overcoming the Paradox of Love, Power, Money and Happiness
Why life so often brings you exactly what you don’t want…and how self sabotage hides around every corner. Some people have guessed at the seemingly bizarre nature of self sabotage. Guess no more. Self sabotage is very real in everyone’s life, completely devastating and 100% resolvable.
You’ve probably noticed that…
- The more you argue for your point of view, the less you are heard.
- That which you fear the most today are often best for you in the long run.
- The more you need money, the harder it is to acquire.
- The more you need that person the more they move away from you.
- The more open you are about your vulnerability the more invulnerable you become.
- The more you protest, the more you get what you protestagainst.
What you may not know is that we need at least six fundamental needs met to succeed in every aspect of life.
- Basic Safety
- Connection to Others
- Self Esteem
- Self Expression
- Realistic Limits
If any of the six are not being met beginning at any point early in life, negative life patterns develop that soon shift from “clay” to “stone,” in the human mind. These negative life patterns actually helped us cope early in life with the areas of life when we didn’t have our fundamental human needs met…Later they become the core of self sabotage in every aspect of life…stopping us from getting what we want and literally making everything we don’t want…happen.
Over the course of your life you have noticed some recurring patterns and themes. Just as the money finally appears, something breaks and you have to have it repaired. Just as you are becoming happy, something big goes wrong. Just as you are getting on track, you get derailed. Just as you get your promotion, you get laid off. You find the girl or guy of your dreams and then she slips away. The worst? You have the break of your life sitting in your lap and you blow the sale, the interview, the meeting. The chance of a lifetime (you think) and a lifestorm hits and it is all gone because of one or two wrong words at a critical moment or even an interrupting phone call. It’s gone. The girl, the money, the power, the job, the career, the happiness.
You’ve wanted to get your life on track and on purpose for so long. You’ve set your goals and have come up short. You learn the techniques and tools of communication and even influence but still it always seems to happen. You try and make all the changes that could ever be made in a lifetime and then…BOOM! Another lifestorm.
What causes all of this? Does God have some kind of perverted sense of humor that puts the candy in your hand until it comes to your mouth and then he makes it vanish?
No, not at all.
12 Specific Patterns
There are 12 specific life patterns that cause virtually all of these events to happen. 12 very predictable negative life paths that you can and will repeat and will repeat over and over until you break the pattern. Once you break the pattern and construct a new pattern in place of the old, you literally change your life (or that of your clients). The fewest number of negative life patterns I’ve seen anyone have are four. The most 11.
Could it be true that life is both this “complex and yet simple?” That if you just change a few patterns that everything will be OK?
Life is never easy. But the negative life patterns are impossible to overcome… yes impossible… without stopping the lifestorms that result from the 12 negative life patterns and then replacing them with specific new patterns. Every now and then someone makes something happen by accident. They know what these negative recurring patterns are and figure out a solution without having had the manual to do so. And it’s been through observing the people who figured it out that the everyone else can stop the lifestorms.
How Does it all Begin?
What are these lifestorms and how did they get here? How do they emerge from the patterns? Why do they rip your future away from us just as you are ready to make a quantum leap into your the future? How do you stop the madness and turn it all around?
Imagine that you are a child. Age 5. Your Mom and Dad divorce. Your father leaves. Forever. Your grandfather tries to take your father’s place and fill in “the gaps.” Shortly thereafter he dies. Your mother continues to work two jobs to support you, your brothers and your sisters. Just as you begin to like them… babysitters come and go over the next couple of years. Finally you reach adolescence and you have your first love.
She/he is perfect for you. She likes you. You hold on tight. You call them all the time. Several times per day. Everyone else that you ever loved has come and gone or just not been there. You’ve basically been on your own with no one stable in your life and have learned how tough life is by yourself. You’re going to make sure that this person doesn’t leave. But they do. They got constricted. They didn’t feel loved. They felt smothered. They sought advice from others and eventually followed it. You were that kind of person who didn’t trust others they told the one you loved. (Note: Many people want to be called all the time and have an extreme amount of attention, however most people who have this life pattern do not gravitate to those people.)
Finally, “not being able to breathe,” they leave you. You are crushed. Again someone has abandoned you. Everyone leaves. Parents, grandparents, babysitters…and now the love of your life. You have the life pattern of abandonment cut with a chisel into the stone of your mind. This pattern will repeat itself over and over again until you recognize it, break it and reshape a new pattern into your mind. Your mind knows no other way to act or how to deal with the feelings inside. Relationship after relationship is destined to go up in smoke until this abandonment pattern is resolved and repaired and remolded.
Break the Chains
And, this is not the only one of the 12 patterns that leads to relationship troubles. In fact, some patterns lead to chaos in relationships, jobs, the pursuit of happiness and all aspects of life. Without correcting these 12 patterns little else will help you break the chains that keep you from having the love you deserve.
In the case of the abandonment pattern, which you may or may not experience, you find that it also causes specific behaviors in the area of money. For example,there are two common patterns with money that stem from abandonment. The first is the workaholic who saves every penny possible so that no matter who leaves or what happens in life there will always be something to ride out the next lifestorm. The second is that the person simply repeats the pattern with money and spends themselves to bankruptcy on things that can’t possibly help their future. They buy more car than they need. They buy a house they can’t afford. They buy toys that do nothing but cost more money to maintain.
The Patterns are Predictable
Like the other 11 patterns, the pattern of abandonment has a plotted course that is predictable in all facets of life. It is etched in stone and it won’t change until it is sandblasted away. No amount of positive thinking will erase it. It will take far more than simple affirmations or a couple of visualizations. It takes a master plan that, while not difficult to implement, takes some time to reset itself after sandblasting away the old patterns.
Remember when you said something like, “My parents did that to me and I will never do that to anyone.” That’s one of the three ways you react/respond to negative life patterns. You polarize consciously or unconsciously from the things that were “done to you.” This could be a positive reaction but it probably isn’t optimal. Repeating the pattern of your parents/elders/caretakers is another common reaction/response, but again, it probably isn’t optimal. On the continuum of possible behaviors there is usually a point in the middle that is where you really will be able to overcome the negative patterns and reset new successful patterns that will stop self sabotage.
Perhaps you know someone who displays the characteristics of the abandonment life pattern. Perhaps it is you. Recognition of the pattern is the first step toward eliminating self sabotage and staying out of lifestorms. The next step is to identify how you would like to feel and behave instead of your current feelings and behaviors.
If you are feeling a paralyzing fear of abandonment…the feeling that this person too will leave you, what do you want them to feel and what do you want to feel? Both parts are important. You certainly don’t want them to feel smothered. You don’t want them to feel mistrusted as that mistrust will usually move the person to the behavior you mistrust them of. You want to feel secure and you want to behave in such a way that does not make yourself appear to not trust the one you care about. All of these pictures are the beginning of setting the new pattern. You must determine what you want to feel and how you want to behave. You want to determine what message you want to send the one you care about.
In the case of dealing with money with this life pattern, the same process is critical. What do you want to feel about money? What do you want to do with your money? Do you want to buy $5,000 toys and expensive cars or do you want to invest in your self and your future through education and investment? How will you benefit if you do these things by choice instead of repeating the self sabotaging behaviors of the past? How do you want to feel about money? What thoughts do you want to think about money?
Isolate the Trigger
Once the pattern has been identified and you recognize how you feel and what you think while you are “in the pattern” you then want to isolate the trigger. In the future you want this trigger to trigger the adaptive life pattern that you are going to construct in its place. You will need to do quite a bit of mental imagery and visualization along with triggering the new pattern. You will want to vividly experience the new pattern and the new thoughts and feelings of the new pattern.
You also will then need to cultivate a set of specific actions that will physically move you forward in the new life pattern. At the end of the day you will record your feelings, thoughts and actions that you had in response to the triggers that you experienced that day. Usually within 45 days you can have mostly eradicated the old self sabotaging behaviors and have installed the new patterns that move you in the direction of your goals, your dreams.
Of course there are 11 other life patterns in addition to that of abandonment. There are patterns that include a general mistrust of others, patterns that create behaviors where you put yourself second to everyone else. Other patterns emerge where you might believe you are entitled to things instead of deserving of them. All of these are examples of patterns that give birth to self-sabotage and are roadblocks that keep virtually everyone from achieving their dreams.
To discover which of the 12 patterns you have been the victim of and how to eliminate self sabotage in your life (or those of your clients) you can pick up the CD program and workbook, Lifestorms: Eliminating the 12 Patterns of Self Sabotage: Installing the Life Patterns that Overcome the Paradox of Love, Money and Happiness.
ATTENTION: Discover how you have been lied to by an entire industry
and Gurus can’t teach what they don’t know, but…
“Now You Can Discover the Secret to Programming Your Mind for Success! “
|“get MAXIMUM impact”|
“If you have taken any self improvement courses and they have NOT worked for you, or you want to get MAXIMUM impact from them…..first unplug Self-Sabotage. Kevin’s program did that for me.”
Before you lose anymore time following a fruitless goal system…
…and before you even think of putting another dime into a self-improvement course…
PLEASE read over this brief report.
If you’re looking for another program that you can listen to while not paying attention (and not creating a better life for yourself and your loved ones), you might as well keep doing the same old things that the same old gurus prescribe. Maybe this time you’ll get a different result.
On the other hand, imagine the following…
- Perhaps you shelled out good money for programs you never implemented. And some truly could have changed your life, and the life of your family. But once again, you procrastinated, and failed to follow through. What happened? Now you can not only find out (by reading below), but you’ll have the tools to break that pattern forever…
- Goals? We all have them… some are more clear than others. It’s easy to get excited about making more money, starting a business, finding (or fixing) a relationship. But so few of our goals ever come to fruition. Why? It turns out it’s not (until now) your fault. If you want to find out how to take control today, read on…
- How many people do you know who keep making the same mistakes over and over and over… They just never learn. Of course, this could never happen to you… There’s more to this phenomenon than meets the eye. But the devil’s in the details… below
Isn’t there more to life than all this? You bet there is. We’re not talking about those same old affirmations that got you here. When you unplug your negative life patterns you’ll be able to live the big life, a life of meaning. Learn how to increase your impact on your family and friends 10 fold, continued…
You won’t find this information discussed anywhere else. In fact, it goes deeper than most ‘gurus’ and self-help authors are able to take you. If you’re serious about getting down to the roots of Self-Sabotage, this is the program that will get you to your goals.
Betrayal: the mechanism of Self-Sabotage
If you want to defeat your self-sabotage, you need two things: first, you have to want a life of achievement and freedom. Second, you must have a simple, sensible and totally realistic plan for pulling up Self-Sabotage by the roots.
Your subconscious runs the show. We’re talking about patterns, some of which have been running a long time. We become so accustomed we don’t notice… until disaster strikes.
“I was constantly stopping myself from completing projects and seemed to stop myself short from taking any actions that were outside my comfort zone. Everyone should either “Do” Lifestorms or something similar.”
But why? You pick the same wrong ‘type’ of lover again. You were so close to getting the raise when you just had to stick your foot in your mouth right in front of the boss. Why would your subconscious mind play this cruel trick on you?
Well, it turns out that your subconscious is almost too good at protecting you, and the roots of self-sabotage run deep. When you’re pushing the edge of your comfort zone, your subconscious will do what ever it takes to keep you ‘safe’, regardless how senseless and damaging it proves in hindsight.
The Elephant Tethered with Twine
Remember going to the circus? The sheer size and power of a grown elephant is tremendous. But if you were allowed to watch the elephant grow up, you might notice something peculiar in his training. When the elephant is young, he always is pulling on the chain that holds him, testing the limits. But the enormous chain the trainers use is too strong, even for the mighty baby elephant. Over time, however, the elephant becomes habituated, and stops testing…
By the time the elephant is grown, a mere rope will suffice. But we’re much smarter than elephants… right?
Claim Your Power
The same thing is going on now in your subconscious mind. Patterns you’ve been acting out since your childhood could be holding you back now. If you don’t master these Negative Life Patterns, your Self-Sabotage will continue to keep you from living the life of your design. They will destroy your goals.
And, until now, there was no way for you to take control. Now, for the first time, there’s a program that hands you the reins and puts you in the driver’s seat of your life.
This is where failure comes from. It’s why you procrastinate. Why you sometimes lash out at friends and family. Why you keep making those same mistakes. Imagine how sweet life will be when those things… just don’t happen anymore.
“I tried many time manage-ment programs in the past and none of them solved the root problem which was causing me to fail to achieve my goals. Lifestorms supplied the missing link. I encourage everyone to get this who isn’t achieving…”
Think of what this means for your time management. For your business. For your family. When you wake up, and instead of dreading the Monday, you eagerly go to work on building the life you love, with the people you love. I can’t guarantee you’ll take action to create this life for yourself. But I can guarantee that you’ll have the tools to do it.
There are 12 Negative Life Patterns. It only takes one to devastate your life. I’ve never met anyone who had less than two. I… had 9. That’s a lot. The good news is that I was able, using this program, to eliminate all of those patterns, and now you can too.
Finally, there’s a simple system for determining which of these Negative Life Patterns you’re living now. (To find out which of the 12 you have, spend a matter of seconds on each using my simple litmus test.)
Then you’ll be able to follow a simple formula to unplug each pattern. Plus a method for installing the pattern that is going to create — literally — the life you desire for you, and your family.
It’s up to you, now, to decide the course of your life. To go deeper into the key to defeating self-sabotage, the key to getting more out of life… and enjoying real peace with your friends and family, you must learn more about Lifestorms.
Please read below to see what this program — perhaps the most valuable I’ve produced — has in store for you…
- “Are Negative Life Patterns genetic?” No, but find out what is, and how that can predispose you to certain types of Self-Sabotage (CD 1, track 3, 3:17)
- Paradoxes of projection. Discover the truth behind “Mistrust will usually move them to the behavior that you mistrust them of” (CD 1, track 1, 40:40). This and other paradoxes described inside could change how you relate to your loved ones forever
- Secret strengths hidden in your Negative Life Patterns. Find out what strength you might have developed from the same patterns that threaten to derail your life
- A word about ethics: when you recognize Self-Sabotage in others, don’t let this power go to your head. What should you do instead? (CD 1 track 3, 0:20)
- Why tools of influence and persuasion, and self-improvement, can’t work until you do this (CD 1, 1, 28:14)
- Emotional Deprivation (CD 2, track 2) is one of the most devasting Negative Life Patterns to live with because it means you can’t find fulfillment in any of your relationships. Unplug just this one, and you’ll find more love and happiness than you’ve known…
- Feel guilty about procrastinating? Forget it. (Sometimes there are bigger forces at work than just not wanting to deal with something (CD 3, track 6))
You’ll also enjoy these unexpected benefits…
- Predict the behavior of others. Once you understand all 12 patterns, you will not only have unparalleled self-knowledge, you’ll be able to read and thus predict patterns in others
- “The more you need money, the harder it is to get.” Not anymore! Once you’re aware of the Negative Life Patters, laid out on CDs 2 and 3, you’ll be able to plug the leaks in your career that seem to conspire to bring you to financial ruin. You’re this close to mastery
- See Kevin Hogan (that’s me) delivering the keys to moving people into your circle of influence with the 14 components of emotional intelligence, bonus DVD described below…
Who shouldn’t buy this program
Before you decide what this program will mean to your life, let me ask you to hold judgement. If you weren’t interested in getting ahead in life, with integrity, you wouldn’t be here. I won’t tell you how to make up your mind, if you agree to weigh the benefits you’re about to get against what you will lose by delaying your decision.
Dr. Kevin Hogan holds a Doctorate in Psychology and is the author of 24 books (and counting…).
He is Body Language Expert and Unconscious Influence Expert to the BBC, the New York Post and dozens of popular magazines like InTouch, First for Women, Success!, and Cosmopolitan. He has become the go-to resource for analyzing key White House figures.
Hogan has taught Persuasion and Influence at the University of St. Thomas Management Center and is a frequent media guest.
Kevin Hogan is generally agreed to be the nation’s leading body language expert. Kevin is a dynamic, well-known international public speaker, consultant and corporate trainer, commanding $25,000 per training. He has trained persuasion, sales and marketing skills to leaders in the government of Poland, employees from Boeing, Microsoft, Starbucks, Cargill, 3M, The United States Postal Service and numerous other Fortune 500 companies. He recently spoke to The Inner Circle and at the Million Dollar Roundtable (MDRT) convention in Las Vegas.
His cutting edge research into the mind creates a unique distillation of information never before released to the public.
First, think back to how some things keep recurring in your life, things that hold you back. Now that you have an idea (from reading through this information) of where that Self-Sabotage comes from… Imagine what it will mean to you, and to all who come in contact with you, to never be slave to that reaction again. Ahh, Freedom.
Next, seriously consider your future, both with and without this freedom.How much is it worth to you to get clear of all the things you do to destroy your life. Think how many $1000s in income are left on the table. Think about what it will mean to the people who look up to you, who often model your patterns — both good and bad.
Now, you’ve undoubtedly heard that it’s possible to change habits and patterns that you’ve developed over twenty, thirty, forty plus years. And perhaps it is. But to really unplug them and install new patterns takes time. If you’re serious about designing the life you love, I’ve made this as easy for you as possible.
Just listen to the 3 CDs, packed with everything you need to get total control over your Life Patterns, over a weekend. There’s a manual with this product to guide you through the exercises. Then spend a few minutes every day for 45 days to keep tabs on the changes your engineering into your life. It’s as simple as that.
Further, take a moment to compare that value to the cost of this simple plan for defeating Self-Sabotage forever.
This program is so unique, I don’t even know what to compare it to. The original price was $319.97, but I want this to be as widely available to those elite few who are willing to do what it takes to achieve their goals and dreams. While still upholding the value of the work. So, for now, this relatively hidden program is available to you for $147.
I can only imagine what it would have meant to me to have developed this program and gone through it myself ten years earlier.
It’s time now to unplug these Negative Life Patterns that are behind your procrastination, your ‘status quo’ prison.
In short, it’s time to harness the power of your
subconscious, and break the ties that hold its elephantine powers in check.
“Kevin Hogan PsyD. Overdelivers”
It just wouldn’t be a Kevin Hogan product if I didn’t overdeliver. Not only do I pack every product with the best, scientifically researched content available, I include supporting materials to make sure you get 10 times the value out of every product.
And because I want to make this easy for you to really hit the ground running on these cosmic personal changes, I’ve included a DVD which outlines the Negative Life patterns.
But there’s more. This DVD was recorded live in front of 200 people, and gives you the 14 Components of Emotional Intelligence. This is huge. Not only will you now have the power to identify patterns of Self-Sabotage in yourself, you’ll be able to ramp up your emotional intelligence to ‘read’ what’s going on emotionally in others.
- The Tuna Story. It’s hard to move through life without a great deal of social awareness. Learn through a real life example how you can avoid embarrassment that you might not even be aware of (14:33)
- The truth about optimism. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if it’s a good idea… or just delusion. Find out what belief you need to make it through your hard times (12:14)
- “The stupidest people I ever met.” Discover what the Washington D.C. Marriott can teach you about “other orientation” in The Ironing Board
- Want to make the deals (business and personal) you want without resistance? Not going to happen without this key component (23:56)
- Discover what “The Girl in the Yellow Dress” can teach you about empathy. One of Kevin’s most treasured stories (37:56)
Even this is not enough. Because you are here, wanting to improve your life, investing in a program to make the world just a little better all around you, I want to offer you a…
Since this program ranks among my ‘best kept secrets’ — truly the key to getting the most out of your life and the information I offer for free on my website — I will include my favorite thing I’ve ever written. This will change your take on ‘the meaning of life’ through powerful metaphor. If you’re looking for a different model of ‘abundance mindset’, this will give you just that, through the power of story telling. Look for it in digital form on the Manual CD.
So add up the benefits…
So, when you make the decision to invest in yourself, you’ll be getting 3 CDs, outlining the origins of Self-Sabotage, the 6 Fundamental Emotional Needs, the 3 basic responses to the lack of fulfillment, and much more. Also included on the CDs will be a break down of each Negative Life Pattern, where each comes from, how it manifests in your life today, and what possible strengths you may have gained from coping with this pattern, which you did not ask for.
Finally, you’ll learn in the CDs how to unplug every Negative Life Pattern in your life. And not only will you be unplugging them (and in less time than you thought possible), you’ll learn how to install new patterns… that you did ask for.
And, just to make sure this is foolproof for you, there’s a ‘troubleshooting’ section at the end, just in case.
All of this is supported by a Manual in pdf format, so you can control this process totally. There is supporting text and worksheets that make the process as simple as 1-2-3. Take it with you anywhere, print as many copies of the worksheets as you need.
“I know you have heard this before – the delivery of products is FAST, incredibly FAST. I have received notification and delivery of your products faster than any other product I have ordered in my life! Thanks for the wonderful products and service.”
Carol Shireena Sakai www.carolsakai.com
Don’t forget you’ll be getting 1 DVD that not only lays out the Negative Life Patterns for you, it also gives you the power of knowing the 14 Components of Emotional Intelligence. This information is potent enough that you could deliver it, for a substantial fee, to corporations. Indeed, that’s what many in the live audience have done.
Then there’s the Surprise Bonus. You’re going to love that one because of what it will mean to you.
All of this will be shipped to you fast. As a small business owner, I know how important it is to get things done on time. Your order will be rushed out to you usually the same day — as long as I can get it there before the last shipping time of the day.
Go ahead and reread this letter if you need to. Or you can take the first step to ending Self-Sabotage. Create the life of your desire. Just add Lifestorms to your cart.
To your Personal Mastery,
P.S. If you haven’t decided to order yet, your subconscious may be working to keep you in your comfort zone. This program is the keystone for building a life of joy and freedom. I urge you not to delay.
P.P.S. If this seems like a lot to take in, go ahead and read through this letter again. The insights you get from this information alone could shift your perspective toward the next breakthrough in your life.
P.P.S. If you found the track times intriguing, you might want to bookmark this page. Because you may want to use it as a reference when you get the program.
What Are Customers Saying?
“Lifestorms came exactly the right information at the right time for me. In summary, I’m the 50 year old ‘unfulfilled potential’ and as I’ve dug up the past patterns over the last few years, I’ve progressed. But your program made me recognize both patterns and origins I had overlooked. Now I’m becoming free.”
John Shoemaker, Tallahassee, FL
“One of the things I’ve learned about psychology and the drives of the unconscious mind is not to immediately trust my strong emotional responses to a situation. In fact, quite often, when I am my most emotionally fraught over a situation, the very VOLUME of the emotion is now a SIGN to me to STOP and think, “heyyyyyyyyy, this is probably a Lifestorm……. I better go review Kevin’s CD program and investigate this.” Thank GOD I already have a CD program.
“When stuff comes up, you KNOW how it can come up quickly! Well, I don’t have to wait weeks to discuss it with a therapist by which time it’s gotten buried again. I know that when stuff comes up THAT is the best time to address it and work through it. Having Lifestorms enables me to do JUST THAT!!
“Thanks Kevin! This is a super power life-changing tool that I use again, again, and again. It’s a great Life Best Practice for me to revisit it about once a quarter or every 6 months or so.”
“Lifestorms has become the cornerstone of my personal development library. I’m a big fan of Think and Grow Rich; it’s what got me started when I began thinking as an entrepreneur.
“But just listening to Lifestorms, even without doing the worksheets, has helped me move forward much faster than I could have. Not only in business, but also with family and friends. All that just from the insight I got from listening. Now I’m going back to uproot permanently each of my own negative life patterns.”
Sheridan Randolph, Chattanooga, TN