Ask Kevin Hogan Anything, 2021-1

Ask Kevin Hogan Anything…Your name will not appear unless you request it. The world has enough privacy problems. Feel free to ask for your name to be included if you wish.

Now let’s get to it.

– Kev, I watched your Christmas Video where you mention The Charismatic Communication Course for Video and Web. When does it begin? How long is it. Does it carry over to all types of online meetings and events, and what about in person? Certainly that must have changed in the last year. You are famous for monster courses and if I don’t get better at my online work I’m going to lose my job.

The course description is pretty detailed. It deals with life in the covid world. Dealing with masks, social distancing, even aspects of dating. But the real power of the course is in it’s focus on your work. I go through Zoom meetings, webinars, and pretty much give a book full of strategies and techniques on how to tell a story that if anyone else told it, they’d be bored to tears. This is more important now than even because people no longer pay attention to most people who talk for more than 30 seconds. My task when building this course was to give you every tool possible from the real use of questions, specific questions to ask, the best questions to ask, HOW to ask them, WHEN to ask them. How to use them to create beliefs and change in your people. I’m really pleased with how the course plays. It’ 10 weeks in duration and is similar in length of the success and wealth accumulation courses.

And yes you are right, everything HAS changed in communication both outside and inside the “office” “virtual office” your home, dating… And we leave no stone unturned.

– Dr. Hogan, in the course of the month I have about 10 days when I am very depressed. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s my husband, my children, my parent I’m caregiver for. The problem is this and that I often take out my negative feelings on people I’m not upset with.

Pretty normal Jan. Depression often has a non-environmental component. In other words. Quite often you don’t need a trigger to be depressed, you simply are. Then of course you see the dog and assume the dog had something to do with your depression. If you’re suffering 10 days each month, all day, then you should talk with a doc about getting a script of something simple like Zoloft. You also want to consider your body weight as being overweight can mess with mind. The same is true for lack of movement. If you sit at a computer all day you are ripe for depression. If you have to deal with humans all day, you are also in that risk category.

You don’t need to go to the gym, but do get outside for a few minutes every day, take a walk, or just look at the stars. But do it by yourself and just breathe. I promise these minutes you spend plus simple walking 20 minutes every day will help a lot. They aren’t a cure for depression necessarily but they will help.

Finally, yes, don’t want your family and friends thinking you hate them because you’re having a bad day and assigning “blame” or “fault” to them. So don’t. AND make SURE they KNOW this by saying, “Hey John. I am feeling really low today. It’s not your fault, has nothing to do with you. It’ just biology and my coping. I love you. I care about you and wanted you to know I’m not at my best today. But you are the best.”

This helps a relationship and eradicates all the feelings that are manifesting… and that ALONE will help you feel better. Drop me a note in 30 days. Seeing a therapist sometimes is helpful. Therapists are not easy to screen for. Some are great. Some are terrible.

– Kev, …how do I deal with being judged. I watched your criticism video on You Tube but it’s not the same issue. People are judging me and saying nothing. They just give me looks, look away. It’s weird because there are only a few of us at the office as everyone else is telecommuting. I’m feeling really on edge like something bad is about to happen. What do I do?

Everyone judges everyone else. That’s an exaggeration but it’s a useful belief. Just figure you are being judged by everyone and everyone else is judging everyone else too! You are not alone.

Assuming you are being judged means that you can step up your game to your BEST EFFORT every single day. That is the message of the You Tube video. You aren’t there competing with a bunch of idiots in the office. You are competing with your Self. Their opinion of you DOES impact you. Obviously. But more important is YOUR OPINION of your work, your attitude. Have an honest way to assess your Self and how you are doing. After a month of this, talk to the boss and ask for his input. Tell him to hold back nothing. You want to contribute as much or more than anyone. You don’t want to misread ANYONE and you do want help. You are not whining. You are not complaining or blaming. You are simply asking for help to be the best you can be at the office. Someone will always be better or worse. But few really seek out answers to questions like these.

– Kev, …how do I deal with psychological bullies. Specifically I’m talking about people who belittle everything I do. Nothing I do is good enough. They talk right past me to another person behind me without including me in conversations. I’m at a loss.

So you noticed that people can be real jerks. This phenomenon gets worse with the polarization that has happened. “If you don’t for X you’re voting for Y” (One of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard.) That’s bullying. It’s saying you are doing something wrong when you are doing so such thing. Begin by writing down EVERY BEHAVIOR you notice that is what you consider psychological bullying. There are probably 50 or 100 but just do this for January. Send me that list and I’ll go through the 7 behaviors that look like they will help the most people reading Coffee to address.

A lot of people will think you have little or no value because of your party, religion, what school you went to, physical stature, speaking pattern, you name it. FEEL FREE to pull someone aside, “Hey John, I need five minutes. Can we talk?” If he says no on a few different occasions, he’s a jerk. If he listens say, “I feel really crappy when I’m around you. Please understand I want to understand what our relationship is and if it can be more effective for the office. My sense is that I am largely ignored. This could be just a feeling I get or it could be real. What do you think?”

Listen! Once again you’ll find out if you are dealing with a person with rational reasoning or if you are talking with a bully. Then come back here and follow up.

– Kev, …I’ve read you for years and I know you hate New Years Resolutions and I know all the reasons they aren’t going to work. But today is January 1, I’m thinking about the things that need to change in my life. I need to get out of my job, I need to start that Coffee Table Business you’ve spoken about forever. I need to get it together. I’m 47 but I feel like a teenager and I don’t mean in the fun way. Please help.

Treat today, January 4, like you would any other day of the week. I’m going to skip the resolutions discussion. Everyone should have the program Acquisition and Millionaire Mind from the store.kevinhogan.com But if you don’t then you can consider having an Inner Circle type relationship. (We’re only doing Gold right now until covid is over.) Finally get clear and some things you’d like to do, would be interested in doing, would be fascinating. If you get serious, drop me a note. We might be able to work out even one or two blocks of time to get you moving in the right direction.

– Dr. Hogan, …I have tinnitus and it is pretty bad. I don’t know who to turn to, everyone says nothing can be done.

Front page of kevinhogan.com click on tinnitus. They are wrong and they usually are. Most people can go from a lot of noise to quiet or silent with the right protocol.

– Kev, …. In your New Years Video (good video by the way, thanks for making it) you don’t really offer a way to fight the madness in Washington. It was almost like you didn’t want to talk about it. This is a very important week in American History and I think we should talk about it, at least to explain it to our kids what is happening. Thanks!

The election is over. Covid is not. It’s time to recognize that covid will NOT be over for quite some time and that the impact is dramatic. It’s time to let go of the politics aspect, skip the social media garbage and get to work on projects that will take care of you and your family. FAMILY FIRST. Once they are taken care of long run go back to social media and debate with people.

– Kev… I’ve missed a few issues of Coffee. Can you resubscribe me?

We don’t subscribe anyone. You need to go to the front page of the website and subscribe there.

– Kevin… I saw the sales letter for The Charismatic Communication Course last week but I didn’t see a link to register. Can you help me out? Anything I need to do to make sure I get in? You do mention that it’s a “beta course” whatever that means and that you might not let a lot of people take the course. Curious about why if you want to share. Thanks!

Beta – is a word that simply says, “it’s comprehensive but there are probably glitches of many different kinds and we need our participants to help us find them. The reward is a massive reduction in price of the program.” The most typical problem is a video is out of sequence or simply missing. These are very important things to us and you finding them makes us look a lot better when we release the program to the public at the public price. If I had to guess out of every 20 hours we have one video out of sequence and one video missing. I just don’t know which one. They all look the same to as we’ve been working on this for months.

Details on course: https://kevinhogan.com/charismatic-communication-video/

Registration for course: Charismatic Communicator registration page

If either of these doesn’t work, you let me know right away.

About Kevin Hogan

Author of The Psychology of Persuasion, Irresistible Attraction, and The Science of Influence, Dr. Kevin Hogan is trusted by organizations both large and small to help them understand human dynamics, body language, persuasion, and how to influence. Kevin is an internationally known keynote speaker and corporate educator based in Minneapolis Minnesota. Have Kevin speak at your next event.