with Kevin Hogan, Psy.D.
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A. There’s an enormous amount of new material in CSI. I hate replicating information from one program to the next. Because this is a “live” program there is a bit of duplication between this and the body language program, but not enough to say any more than that. (If anything it expands on it.) This program, like everything I do is fresh and there is very, very little duplication between CD and DVD programs I release. CSI has lots of very cool subtle elements of influence that are more easily “seen” than heard.
A. People look at lucky people and like them more than they do unlucky people. People treat people differently when they have different perceptions of them. It’s that simple from a social perspective. From the perspective of “self”, Jesus knew what he was talking about when he said to them that have much, more shall be given, to them that have little it shall be taken away. He was talking about more than just money and luck. He was talking spiritually too. But the point is that it’s a universal tendency (and not just because Jesus said it…perhaps he observed it as well). This will make for a great article….or book.
A. The problem is that the law can be fought and brought to the Supreme Republican Court of Morality and it will be hit hard there. The fact is that ANY form of entertainment that is pursuit of happiness and causes no harm to others is constitutional and should not be legislated against. If and when the USA politicians figure out that several million internet bettors voted them OUT of office…and that the election wasn’t only about Iraq and Bush…there will be some changes made. This is a huge “underground issue.” This and stem cell research. Further changes will be slow. The law is what it is. Internet gamblers lean conservative and vote Republican (until this year) and if the Republicans feel comfy with losing 2-4% of the vote in each State then they will eventually lose virtually every seat…except maybe Utah.
A. Just because a speaker is more expensive doesn’t mean he’s better. However, the higher the perceived authority and credibility issue delivering the message the more likely the speaker will be successful at influencing the audience. So the question is, does the company really want results or do they want a speaker to “fit” a budget. It’s about credibility and authority. Information is important. Content matters a lot. But if great content is delivered by a low credibilty/low authority speaker nothing significant will be gained by the audience.
Obviously presentation of material is the other key factor. The same material can be presented in effective and noneffective ways. Theoretically you’re paying for someone to be effective with your group. You’re paying for credibility, authority and transference of knowledge and applications.
A. Everyone loves stories, movies, tv’s, books with seduction as a theme. Seduction is part of nature. It’s the single most documented behavior in the animal kingdom. Seduction isn’t a dirty word. This kind of stuff comes down to intention and purpose. Is someone seducing a guy to ask her out? That’s the way the world works or you wouldn’t even be alive. Is someone seducing a four year old for nefarious activities? That’s sick. Put the dude away. Same “word” with very different elements.
Q. Just what is the home field “advantage” and why do home teams win more than road teams? Is the home field “advantage” influential in business or personal life? Like if I bring a date to my house will things go better than if I go to her house? If I bring a client to my office will things go better than if I go to his office?
A. Home field isn’t necessarily “your office” or your “house.” I’ve answered this question to some significant extent in The Body Language Home Study Course and won’t replicate all of that here. The home field advantage is very real in a lot of sports. So far this year 59% of pro football games have been won by the home team. I would call that enormous. Basketball has a huge home field advantage. Baseball not so much on average. In Europe, Soccer has an unbelievable advantage and it turns out that it’s about referee’s and calls that go against road teams. Not so much “conscious” manipulation but unconscious fear of the home crowd. Interesting: The further back the crowd is from the playing field the fewer the penalties on the visiting team. Interesting stuff.
A. The stock market might be up….but how much? Over what time period? Exactly. It might look up but you are still down over the last five years because of expenses and inflation. The US market is VERY expensive. (18 times earnings…can I sell someone kevinhogan.com for 18 times earnings?!) I still like Asia, Emerging Markets, Gold and Oil Stocks. People who invested in our portfolio a few years ago have made a LOT of money. (Doubled in last four years) People who invested in the market made inflation (nothing). Our portfolio rarely has changes. My kids college money is in GG, GOLD, CVX, LZOEX and MSF and some Gold bullion. That’s it. There is no rocket science involved. If you are in cash, don’t drop all of your cash in one day into any single investment. Dollar cost average it over a few months. If Gold dropped below $600, I will sell the bullion and stocks and wait for a bottom. If MSF or LZOEX dropped by 10% I’d sell and wait for a bottom. It’s always OK to be wrong and get out. Fortunately, we haven’t had to do that. (I’m not a professional investment advisor and don’t offer financial advice.)
“But Kevin, my company doesn’t offer stocks or any of the good funds for retirement….”
Takes about three phone calls to add a fund to a retirement portfolio for employees. Perhaps 20 minutes…. But it takes a squeaky wheel to get someone on the phone…
A. Beats me.
Q. Daniel Goleman says that a con man isn’t socially intelligent because of his communication and persuasion skills yet someone possessing the same skills that doesn’t con others is socially intelligent. What is he talking about?
A. I’m not sure. Sounds like a basic ethics question as we were discussing earlier. A baseball player can throw a ball at someone’s head and knock them out or throw it low and inside and strike someone out. Either way the pitcher has good aim and is skilled. The same is true in communication and influence. It’s what people do with their skills that gives them their legacy. Goleman is probably saying that social intelligence requires good ethics.
A. The right wing fanatical Islamic whatever you want to call ’em guys obviously have a powerful motivation for what they do. I don’t think they are “crazy.” What they do is “crazy.” They are committed, whether to money their family gets for their death, (these are very poor people) or the reward they believe their god will give them. So disregard for human life? Certainly. It isn’t a high value for them. Are they less ethical? By my standards of ethics, they have none. By their group’s standard of ethics they are the most ethical people to have walked the earth.
A. There was nothing good going to come from the election. The Democrats were going to take seats from Republicans and get control back. They did. This doesn’t get me all warm and fuzzy inside. Let’s see: I can see my taxes going higher and higher. It stops the President from having unilateral authority, and that is a very good thing. It doesn’t mean stem cell research is expanding here, the Prez will veto that. Those things that Dem’s do that are helpful to our country are not going to have a chance until 2008. U.S. presence in Iraq isn’t going to change. Not for years…..Those things that old fashioned Conservatives stood for (like tax reduction, paying off the bills) won’t happen ….ever probably….so there just wasn’t a lot to get excited about. We’re probably better off where we are now than we were prior to the election if only that there will be gridlock and the eradication of personal freedom’s slowed. Perhaps Lieberman is a metaphor: Perhaps the time is now ripe for a true Independent Party that cares about the future of the country. Of course there is no money in an Independent Party and elections typically are won by deep pockets. The biggest problem? The credit card bill keeps getting higher and no one cares. The other maybe is religion in politics. Our country was founded by religious people who were smart enough to separate most church/state stuff. I think we need to revisit that perspective.
A. I’d pay the bills first. That means cutting everything from social security benefits, to medicare to military to education by at least half. I’d eliminate income tax. I’d have a permanent user tax on all goods and services and a law imposed that says the government can only issue so much in bonds per year. Want me to go on?!
Q. I saw you on Radaronline when you said you felt the church minister Haggard was lying but it wasn’t his body language but that it was “contextual” in nature. What does that mean and how can I know someone is lying “contextually?”
A. Humans have certain behaviors that are predictable from situation to situation. When being accused with something that you consider vulgar and a big old sin, you should be angry or afraid. He was neither. The context was the most important factor.
Q. My product is very good but I’m not good at selling. I know I have to change my behavior to get the desired results/reactions, however as I’m practising, how do I stop feelings of depression about being a loser reject when I get a few undesireable reactions?
A. Influence is multi tiered behavior. You need to look at your certainty. I don’t normally like very good products. It’s either the best or you should probably be selling for someone or something else. Selling is about persuasion and influence. Either you want to be influential and learn what to do or you don’t. So, I suggest influence education 101. If you know all the material in say, Science of Influence 1-48 and you still aren’t selling, it’s not about influencing others it’s about influencing yourself and your current beliefs that preclude you from selling. Q. What do I do when I’m REALLY feeling worthless so that I don’t dread the next sales meeting?
A. If you’re feeling worthless because you have no sales, you are probably right. But the receptionist doesn’t have any sales either and she isn’t going to get any, so at least you have a chance. Promise yourself that you WILL sell this week. Period. And you see the people UNTIL you sell. Selling is about self discipline as it is influence. Self discipline is a mature characteristic that few people have. It’s also a choice!
Q. I am 27 years old I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 11 months. We have always lived together. I have 2 children not his. Every year around this time of year we have major fights which lead to him moving out. We are at that point in time again. I have always cried and begged him back. But this time I have not I am letting him figure out what he needs. What can I do to make him understand that I love him and that things need to be refreshed within the both of us. I did have a problem with yelling an cursing alot I felt i needed my freedom but have come to the realization its not freedom its is him. I have been attending church and am getting ready to be baptized in Jesus name! And since he has left this last time I am more understanding. But I need and want him back home. Any advice? Please help….
A. First of all, don’t tell him you have been baptized unless that is a top value for him. Why would he care about your future life when he can’t get along with you here and now? Instead simply talk to him. Tell him how you feel and that you will do whatever it takes to make the world work. Then do it. When things get tense, ask if you can politely step away. Don’t communicate through hostile feelings. You’ll be wasting your time. Think: “What does he want?” “What can I give him that no one else can?” Go from there and write back!