“Did it hurt?”
“When you fell from heaven.”
Did you just cringe? Freak out a little?
Above is a “line” a guy told me he “learned to say to women.”
Rule of thumb is that SOMETHING will work with SOMEONE… but when you say weird stuff like that…expect her to feel sorry for you.
That’s probably not optimal for getting to “Let’s Go.”
Not Measuring Up?
Look, you’ve walked awaay from interactions wondering if the other person liked you. You’ve given out your phone number and haven’t gotten calls back. And it makes you wonder what you could have done differently.
Fortunately, you ask yourself good questions.
Am I really all that good looking?
Not a 10 on the “Hot or Not” website?
Me, neither. It’s life.
If you’re a guy, you’re in luck. Women use different yardsticks than men.
If you’re a woman, you’re still in luck … just a little less luck than the guy.
- If you check the mirror and your waist line says you pay attention to your body, then you have a chance with the person who pays attention to their body.
- If you look at your clothes and realize that you have paid attention to your clothes, then you have a chance with the person who pays attention to their clothes.
Am I interesting?
That’s tougher, but more readily repairable.
The First Filter of Attraction
Most people can’t carry on a Captivating Conversation. Coffee Readers have a distinct advantage here. Those who own The Covert Hypnosis Study Program will always be able to hold their own in a conversation.
But conversation is secondary.
You have to pass the first filter of Attraction before you have a conversation.
You have about three seconds to make a good impression. Unfortunately, if you come off as less-than-desirable … you’re stuck with it. It’s set in stone. Once first impressions are formed, they then act as a Time Filter for all new incoming information about someone.
The real life research is crystal: People rely on first impressions much more than later information when evaluating someone. This is why first impressions are vitally important, especially when looking for a potential “mate.”
Here are 7 easy strategies to make yourself more attractive at first glance.
Packaging and Context
1. Pick your crowd wisely.
When a man is surrounded by a group of women, he is significantly more desirable to females than if he were with his male friends. In fact, women are more likely to pursue a man when he appears unavailable. Even glances from female friends could make a male seem more attractive.
KEYPOINT: The fact is that the perception of “being taken” is evolutionarily helpful to other women making decisions about you. If they believe you are taken, you become more valuable to them. After all EVERYONE wants to play with the toy that someone ELSE is playing with.
Women, on the other hand, are viewed as less desirable when surrounded by men. To put it succinctly, I asked one attractive gal why this is. She instantly opined, “Ladies, this may seem counterintuitive, but put yourself in their shoes. Would you want to take the chance of raising another man’s offspring?”
Lesson: Choose your Wing Man (who could easily be a woman) wisely…
Perception Can Be Power
2. Sense of Urgency and Uniqueness (Law of Scarcity)
From this moment forward you are time constrained and remarkably fascinating….
No one wants to get surgery done by the doctor who has an opening…tomorrow morning. If it’s obvious that you are available for a limited time only, you become more interesting to almost everyone.
Invariably people want to know who you are. Every brilliant salesperson has an elevator speech that captivates attention in 10 – 45 seconds.
If I’m on the plane and I don’t want the conversation, I say, “I’m a motivational speaker.”
If I might want the conversation, “I’m a writer.”
That should bring the request:
“What do you write?”
The Power of having someone else dig into you is difficult to describe. Once people take one scoop they usually, nonconsciously dig deeper and deeper.
People can only think about one thing at a time. If they are busy digging into you, the rest of the world begins to disappear…
“What do you write?”
I can point to the person’s feet or hands or what they are wearing. I can do a fast 20 second cold reading and then…
“I write about celebrity body language and how people get other people to do what you want them to do. Influence and Persuasion. I figure out who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. Magazines. Books.”
Every situation is different and will have some variation depending on whether I want the conversation to continue further, or not.
If you don’t have the elevator speech down and prepared in 10 different contexts, you miss life opportunities.
If you want the attention of Person X:
a) You want to be perceived as being desired or needed URGENTLY.
b) You want to be perceived as being UNIQUE, fascinating and/or exciting.
Most people say something incredibly dull like “I work for the government.” “I work for 3M.” “I work for the bank.”
Worse, they’ll say:
“I’m a maintenance engineer.” “I’m an office manager.” “I’m a coach.” “I’m a corporate consultant.” “I’m therapist.” “I’m unable to tell you what I do for a living because it indicates I’m as boring as it appears on first glance and what I really do is pretty meaningless in the scope of life…”
How can you figure this out for yourself?
Speak out loud into a voice recorder what you do. Do it 20 ways. Listen back to see what grabs attention and causes or should cause someone to dig deeper.
3. The Bullseye
The alpha females in pop culture are often portrayed rocking the color red.
Think Marilyn Monroe, Jessica Rabbit, Natalie Portman, Jessica Alba etc. In 2013, black is still the most chosen color picked by the elite, but, the first real color chosen when they want to stand out is Red.
But are ladies in scarlet really more attractive to men?
Research says all signs point to yes.
Red is an evolutionary signal of fertility, health, and dominance in other species. Not surprisingly, humans are also perceived to be more desirable and of higher status when wearing the color red, compared to other colors. Time for a wardrobe change?
Same story. Men in red shirts are perceived as more attractive when compared to men in other colored shirts.
Shoes. Women pay attention to shoes. Shoes are in a Woman’s Bullseye. What do your shoes say? Women will have an instant opinion.
If you can make someone laugh, you can do anything
Now, if you’re bold enough to use a pick up line, that’s fine. Nonverbal “openers” are often superior, but being a person who hates to talk much, I like to point or motion to come here when I want something.
Keep in mind that using canned pick up lines that 10 other guys have “used” can unintentionally make you come off as “one of them,” aggressive, shallow, or just plain stupid.
Why do men even attempt the cheesy overused pick up lines? It could be stupidity, yes, but the reaction of the female may open a huge window of her personality.
If the female walks away, they probably weren’t a good match anyway. Research has shown the most successful opening line is one that speaks to his intelligence (women pick men with a higher IQ when given the choice) or appealing sense of humor, rather than using a compliment or a sexually loaded remark.
Not many men can make a woman laugh … except of course when she’s laughing at him. Learn timing.
There is nothing intuitive about humor. People are terrible at making other people laugh the same way they are terrible at telling a captivating story.
Be the Expert
5. Body Language
Remembering some key concepts of body language can make it or break it in every social interaction.
Observe the other person.
- Are they leaned in?
- Have open posture?
- Smiling genuinely(when the smile extends up to the muscles around the eyes)?
- Making eye contact (about 45-60% of the time is most desirable, it’s not a staring contest)?
These are all signs of interest.
If their belly button and feet are pointed away from you, they hold their head in their hands, or if they are closed off this is likely to be boredom and the body searching for escape. It may be time to give them some mercy and high-tail out of there. Be aware of the signals you’re projecting. Are you approachable? Use the body language that you would like to see in someone interested in you.
Dressing to Impress
6. Dress to Impress for the Context
Seems like a no-brainer, but really. Staying groomed, clean, and wearing clothes that you feel confident wearing go far. If you feel confident, you will be perceived as confident. Feeling better about yourself will permeate to all aspects of your interactions … your conversations, your body language, your attractiveness to others. Looking good and feeling good make things easier for you, so why neglect this one?
Women are magnetized to confidence. They are repelled by lack of confidence, incompetence and lack of self and other awareness.
What about women? Men have no unified preference toward confidence or lack of confidence. Different kinds of men view both ends of the spectrum as desirable in different situations.
Capture Rapt Attention
7. Be a Flawless Conversationalist
If you feel you have difficulty starting conversations sometimes, listen up. Ease into it.
When in doubt, start light with your immediate surroundings.
Small talk can be painful if you stretch it for too long. If you’re bored, it’s probable the other person is, too.
Transition to current events, and then opinions and ideas. Ask open ended questions. This makes you seem genuinely interested in what they have to say.
When asking closed questions, it can seem like an interrogation to the other party. Plus, their responses may open up new topics. Learn their name, and use it during your conversation. This shows the other person that you were interested enough to remember it. We also react to our own names with positive affect.
Ultimately there are a lot of factors in you being the person who they want to have on their radar. BUT, if you can master these seven things, you will be off to a kick butt start. And do notice that each factor carries over into almost all relationships in almost all contexts.
Reserve your spot now!
Kevin Hogan Personal Appearances, Classes, Seminars & E-Courses
See Kevin Hogan “Live” in person, or participate in an online E-course with personal attention from Kevin Hogan!