with Kevin Hogan, Psy.D.
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Q and A– Your Questions Answered
A. I’m not sure I totally understand the question. I “fit” everything in by getting everything done. Most people leave so many open projects on the table that they develop inertia. I create a lot of time opportunities that other people don’t and manage my time well. BEST? How about the things we can put in print…I like to play guitar with my 9 year old son. I like to play poker, blackjack, chess, baseball, watch football. As far as career, I love presenting before excited audiences and I love to write for anticipating readers.
A. The Bible is a book with many great stories and lessons. Most of them no one knows because people only read a few pages of that book and they all tend to be in the last 15% of the book which means they are clueless as to what the last 15% means in real life. And of course, I favor the first 85%…The name tag? I keep applying, no one let’s me in… Hey, who’s “we”?!
Q. Everyone knows you love Survivor, you can have 10 people who are currently alive join you on a deserted island for two years. You can’t bring family members or your best friends. Who are you taking with you? Why?
A. This is a great question and you make it answerable by the condition you can’t bring family and friends. I wish I had time to think about this one…. McCartney is the first person that comes to mind. To have access to that brain for two years would be the greatest gift on the planet. I love his voice and assume he would sing and teach me how to play… all the instruments he brought with him. (Can you have a piano?)
Robin Williams, Bill Maher and Dennis Miller. You’re on an island for two years, you gonna need to laugh. These guys are hyper intelligent, fascinating people that make me laugh… good for late night debates, honest and interesting. (Kelsey Grammar would be cool…)
Lee Freed (Don’t freak out, Lee) is a friend but we don’t get to see each other but every couple years at conventions so clearly we fit the qualifier in the question. Lee is a genius and the world’s best sleight of hand magician. Got two years with that brain and learning from those hands….Talk day and night. Do magic. Little else could be more fun.
That’s enough testosterone for four deserted islands…. To offset all of that testosterone,…Pamela Anderson (of course), Veronika Zemanova, Kelly Brook, Lucy Pinder, Keeley Hazell, maybe Jessica Simpson if she promises not to sing a lot….
Q. I’m in a relationship and actually engaged to be married. What my fiance does alot when we go out to eat, if his back is to the restaurant he turns his chair so he can see everyone in the restaurant. When he does this his focus is off of me I feel and placed on what is going on in the restaurant. It really bothers me I want I guess your expert opinion on what this body language means.
A. Strong survival instincts and loves control. I do the same thing. Animals that always have a “way out” tend to survive in nature. Your fiance is a survivor, will probably live a long time and be successful to boot.
Q. I really liked The Persuasion Prophecy, but you seemed to have fallen asleep at the wheel this year as far as new products. Why? What is coming from Kevin Hogan? How much is it going to cost?!
A. OUCH. Come on, the year isn’t over yet. There’s a lot on it’s way. New book, really cool, on Selling coming out in 2 months and a super cool book on body language in 4 months. There’ll be at least one awesome CD set by the end of the year. Can’t give it all away…and go easy on me….man….
Q. If someone uses your Millionaire Mind faithfully, how long will it take for them to become a millionaire?
A. Depends on what route you take. How many daily actions? What is the quality of each of those actions…Internet Business? Not long. 3-5 years maybe. Franchises? 5-7 years. It’s not just the mindset it’s the plan and the actions on the plan and the number of actions on the plan. Someone who does 200 actions per year is going to make a heck of a lot more money than someone who does 100 actions per year because actions are logarithmic, exponential in growth….not arithmetic. So you can accelerate yourself pretty quickly. Need the plan…the mind set…the vehicle…the actions.
Q. When people meet you are they uncomfortable because you are reading their body language or because you are trying to get inside of their mind?
A. They must because I get asked this all the time. Fact is I don’t consciously read anyone’s body language and I’m rarely in public long enough to want to get inside someone’s mind…(I have enough trouble finding my way around inside my own mind…)
A. Beats the hell out of “buddy” and “pal,” both which are wimpy butt expressions of little respect and appreciation… I think in text, it’s very cool. In conversation it can be condescending or endearing. In business….I just don’t see a place for it. Seems phony. I don’t like it.
Q. Although I have lots of experience presenting prepared material e.g. behavioral based safety, safety/security orientation for contractors going overseas etc., I don’t have a clue what I can “speak” about. I work as a security consultant in Nigeria and have an extensive background in safety and security, but I love to speak on human potential, motivational issues etc. Any ideas to help me narrow my scope. I want to be interesting and entertaining, but I’m not sure my background lends itself to that arena. Regards—- PS-I really enjoyed your book on Covert Persuasion.
A. There’s a heck of a lot of companies with monster sized budgets to hire speakers and consultants about safety and security. If you want to develop into an inspirational or motivational speaker then you become expert in those areas and build a career there. Your background seems good to me!
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend. He has a hot temper, so I want to try to have him break up with me instead, so he won’t get angry with me. Can I use a persuasion/hypnotic technique to get him to break up with me, and make him think it is his idea? Thanks!
A. Hmmm….Lion and prey. Use hypnosis on lion, prey gets killed anyway. You aren’t trying to change a feeling for a moment, you are trying to sever an umbilical cord and have the other person be OK with it. I’d expect anger, frustration, desperation, and because context will generally control behavior of anyone except sociopaths, break up with him in a busy well trafficked store, restaurant or library.
Q. I was wondering if you did any research on how men are attracted to womens breasts (serious question). Some men more than others it seems. It seems you might have come across information in this area.
A. I guess if I’m going to be thinking of anything this morning this is as good as anywhere to go. Why some men more than others? There are lots of theories. I haven’t seen anything I buy into. My best guess is that all men and women are hardwired to be “attracted” or “addicted” to women’s breasts because they literally cause survival of the species and have for 2,000,000 years. Without breasts the race would have died out. (Breast milk is incredibly valuable to infants at every level of their being now and later in life.) And for most of those two million years, it was the *only* sustenance for a child for years. So logic seems to point to that direction. Some men more than others…that’s an interesting question. More on that next time…
Q. “Chemistry”: how can I gain it with anybody, anywhere, anytime? I am not the most attractive man, but I see unattractive men with beautiful women, or not so fortunate men have success. I can talk the talk, but getting the actions is more difficult. Any ideas, cd’s, tips, for this?
A. Three Disciplines is a program I developed a few years ago that puts the puzzle pieces on the same table. Chemistry has a lot tangibles like accelerated heart rate, perspiration, endorphins pounding out in the brain.
There are intangibles too. Part of it is raw attraction. A lot of women are attracted to men who, if they had a good relationship with their Father, look like their Father.
And then there is the possibility of joint enthusiasm for the same thing/person/idea/philosophy.
It takes a lot more than a book to detail everything. All of the above can help create chemistry. Irresistible Attraction certainly is a good starting point along with Three Disciplines.
Q. Kevin I have been listening to your cds and reading your books and seemed to have identified a way that people will reject you without saying so. This is the way that it goes in any given sales situation the other prospect may say things about another product or another company but not actually gotten excited about what you are selling. Even with using every persuasion tactic I know I can still not get them to move forward. The best example would be when someone tells you, “Good luck with ….(fill in the blank)”, as you are leaving. They are not doing business with you, so you might as well find out why and go back to see if the client can be saved. When asking people why, they have decided to not do business with me they are always suprised that I know. So I guess my question is would this be considered covert rejection or would this be considered leaking?
A. People don’t move “forward” because you haven’t hit the right button. A lot of sales people assume there is one reason people do or don’t do something…money. Some people are driven to achieve status, or to have exciting experiences…..As far as going back and finding out why, that might help in some industries or fields but think about the time when the girl broke up with you. Did she tell you “the truth” as to why or did she make something up for one reason or another? Leaking? Maybe, in some contexts. Covert? No. That’s pretty overt.
Q. I just finished listening to your persuasion interviews (The Persuasion Prophecy) and I love them especially the one with Mark Ryan. The one improvement that I could suggest would to have you and the interviewer live in studio for better sound. What does it take to be the person who interviews you?
A. Live in the studio might happen every 5 years…The technology used is called a bridge line and it’s all done by telephone. How does someone interview me? Good friends, or doing something that has or will break new ground or finally has some very strong sales potential. The Persuasion Prophecy turned out about as good as anything that was interview-based as I’ve ever seen.
Q. We’ve heard a lot about “fear of rejection” but I really believe that the real problem is the “pain of rejection”. We only fear what we think is going to be painful. Even if I take action despite my fear of rejection, if I feel some pain after rejection I still will be afraid of rejection. This is a vicious circle. Why not cure the pain caused by rejection instead. What do you think of this Kevin?
A. Definitely. One of the articles in the rejection series dealt with just this. See The Rejection Response: Overcoming the Fear of Rejection. Rejection causes literal pain and the fear of rejection can do the same thing. You will feel pain after some experiences of rejection. There is no quick “cure” for the pain, but there is an inoculation process that makes you less sensitive to the pain.
Q. In one of your articles you said “If you say something negative about your competitor, your client WILL remember your competitor. It may not be good or bad…but they’ll remember …and if you haven’t put a greater degree of emotion on your own product…they won’t remember yours at all…. NEVER mention a competitor or anything about them, except in the context noted above”. In other words pretty much never mention a competitor. In another article in this week’s Coffee, you mentioned that, “Studies have accumulated in the past few years and they clearly reveal that resistance is derailed by being able to point out weaknesses in one’s own self, platform, service or product and being able to say something good about the competitor if anything at all. ” In other words, it may be a good idea to say something Good about your competitor. Kevin, which do you think is better? Saying nothing about your competitor, or saying something good about them?
A. First, the way I do business is not “normal.” I’m not always trying to make “the sale.” I try to make the sale when it makes sense for the client or potential client to do business with me. If they are better off hiring Jeffrey Gitomer or Dave Lakhani or whoever, I tell them. People have long memories and everything I do is long term.
If McDonalds says, “Burger King is terrible buy our burgers,” that’s going to cost them bundles…but…if McDonalds says, “Ya’ know Burger King has improved lately, but if you still want the best of the best….” that will be helpful.
Q. In my quest to become an a first rate facilitator, negotiator and conversationalist, I read your books Psychology of Persuasion and Covert Persuasion. I found both books insightful, applicable and continue to put lessons I learned to practice. One challenge I find from a majority of persuasion books is the imbalance between theory and not enough real life applications. This is where your books stood out. From Psychology of Persuasion I found the lessons around seating arrangements and sentences to use in certain situations to be very insightful and a lesson I could put to practice. From Covert Persuasion it was some of the newer techniques I had never seen and some of the older one’s dealt with in ways I hadn’t seen, even the nuances you offer about mirroring and synchronizing. First question: Do you think the persuasion techniques you teach only work with acquaintances and clients or good friends/family? Where I’m getting with this questions is, if people know someone is very familiar with persuasion techniques do they put up a wall that makes them less easily persuaded or are these techniques more powerful than the conscious mind?
A. Persuasion techniques that I use are based on research and studies that show how the brain decides and what it will decide. It’s not about “Will it work,” it’s about “When do you want it to work?”
Think about the old tie down closes in sales, “isn’t it,” “wouldn’t it” I think it’s kind of cute when people use those ancient tricks. I don’t think any less of them. They’re doing what they are trained to do by their sales manager. Unfortunately they aren’t going to be effective anymore.
None of the strategies I teach in persuasion have anything to do with something that can be defended against. We all are influenced by priming, flagging, spatial orientation, FITD. See Science of Influence Part II: The Tactics & Techniques of Persuasion.
Q. If remember right, the last two presidential cycles you predicted the winner. Both times it was Bush and both times the media had him as losing easily. Got any predictions for the donkeys and the elephants (and ifyou really want to step out) and who for the general???? Hope you don’t mind nosy questions from the peanut gallery!!! 😉
A. For Attorney General? I’m not that astute. For President. Clinton will run against Guliani. It will be very close. Guliani shouldn’t be too infected by the legacy of his predecessor as they share nothing in common. The same is true for Clinton. You have to give an edge to Clinton today, but if Guliani can convincingly show a plan to get out of Iraq at some point soon, he will beat Clinton. I don’t see anyone else influencing the election as much as I’d like to see a third party candidate. I don’t have enough information to make a decision yet. We already know Clinton will do fine in the Primaries. We know her strengths and weaknesses. Guliani has a lot of positive halo effect from 9/11 that isn’t going to go away. It’s going to be fascinating.