with Kevin Hogan, Psy.D.
Do YOU have a question? E-mail askkevin AT kevinhogan.com
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THIS WEEK’S QUESTION(S):
Question: I’m in sales and I’ve been using NLP modeling techniques to model the top person in our own company. I’ve made no more money since I started than I did before. I AM trying. I feel like a total failure. What is going wrong?
Answer: Remember that million selling book, Built to Last? Everyone still says how great a book it was. It dissected the most profitable 20 companies in the United States. Three years after the book was published, 17 of the 20 companies weren’t only not the most profitable, they weren’t in the top half. And I’d have to double check, but I believe all of them became no better than average.
So your answer is that you are modeling certain things that you believe got this person to success based on ELICITATION which is almost always a disaster. You asked, they told you. They think they were right. They were almost certainly wrong. Your recipe is poison. You lose.
First what you are really looking for in modeling are the failures. The 80% of people who failed. Find people in your company who are dying, who are not producing. Go watch them for a day. Find out what they do to fail. There are always a few basic behaviors that cause failure. Perhaps six or seven, seldom more.
Question: I am currently working as a Sales Director at a Hotel. I am in a position of being somewhat stuck as to where to find our prospective clients, as it is a somewhat small town with a lot of competition. Please help!
Check in. Sleep in the room. Video tape everything in the room. Go to the meeting area. Find out what groups are in town and who the meeting planner is. Stop by and say “hi” I’m (your name) how are you enjoying your stay at the hotel.
Question: I have two questions but interrelated: How can I change my old persistent identity so that I can be as I desire? How can I change someone else’s perception of me? As I am regular reader of Kevin Hogan.com, I am sure, if you replied and answer these questions, I would feel very happy.
Answer: Whoever you are evolving into, spend TIME with people who are already THERE. Do anything you can to be in the ENVIRONMENT as much as possible. Do EVERYTHING you can to stay AWAY from the people and environment that currently contribute to your inertia.
Do everything I talk about in those programs. Shifts will begin quickly.
For influence, pick up Science of Influence 1. If you want to get all five that are out, email me and we can give you a special price, I’m sure. You start there and with Covert Hypnosis 1-8. I know it might sound “strange,” but Covert Hypnosis is a subtle technology that I developed about 7 years ago and it’s pretty amazing what you can do with it.
Start there, with those programs and email again when you’ve been through everything.
Question: I got an email from a friend that said that if we want to get gas prices from $3.50 to $1.50 I should buy gas from companies that are not the two biggest oil companies. I figured if anyone knew if this would work, you would. What do you think?
So this one is easy. We just shut down Exxon and Chevron, the two biggest oil companies on the planet. That caused hundreds of thousands of jobs to be lost and all of those families are now destroyed, their homes in foreclosure. Even if that isn’t someone in your family, the price of housing has now gone down further putting the entire nation into a worse recession and possibly depression.
That, by the way, also shuts down every family who mortgaged their home to buy a gas station. They will now be bankrupt. Tens of thousands of small business owners. And obviously all the people that supply those gas stations with gasoline and oil and food and windshield washer fluid… yep…you got the picture….
Oh, I forgot the important part…the price of gas. OK, we put the two guys out of business. That makes the little guys more powerful but first it creates a problem. They don’t have the ability to refine anywhere near that much extra oil. They are in deep happy doo doo. They will spend millions on building new refineries and have to raise the price of gasoline as they build and have to pay new employees.
Oh, you can’t lower the price from $3.50 to $1.50. If every HUMAN in the U.S. quit driving permanently, that wouldn’t drop the price of gas from 3.50 to 1.50. In fact the price would stay the same because of gas taxes, which is the biggest factor in the price of gasoline. The government would have to raise those taxes to offset the revenues. It’s shocking but the U.S. is only one country in the world sucking a limited supply of oil.
Question: I became a fan after I purchased your book, The Science of Influence. I recently discovered your web site online and found that you have a wealth of additional material on this subject. My problem right now is that, as a recent graduate, I work in sales (not necessarily by choice). Specifically, I am required to make a ton of cold calls to executives. Through the rapport building techniques I’ve learned in your book, I am usually pretty good at getting these execs to talk to me and share information with me that is valuable such as budgets and timelines for projects. However, getting them to follow-through with me, and keeping them continuously engaged past that first or second phone call is very difficult. I want/need( my job depends on it!) to be able to talk to them again and repeatedly reach them consistently so that they will return my emails and voicemails so that my sales process can reach resolution. I will re-read your book and see what I can apply to this problem, but is there any other material which you can direct me to that may be helpful?
Answer: Unless you are buying skybox tickets at the stadium, you aren’t going to get through to me regularly and consistently and neither is *anyone* else. CEO’s don’t have time and should NOT be talking with salespeople.
Put yourself in their shoes. WHY in heavens name would a CEO talk to a salesperson more than twice? I wouldn’t and don’t. Every CEO has the highest respect for sales because that is how he gets paid. But he doesn’t have but seconds to talk with random people.
I answered this question last time out. Do something unique and amazing for these people. Take them to the game and rent out a skybox. You’ll have their attention at half time. Dinner is fine but he’s going to eat anyway. So please, do something he’ll find cool. One thing is for sure, you won’t be talking w/ a CEO on a weekly basis.
Question: Great stuff you have. I’ve been one of those guys who tries many different things…but let them fall by the wayside. As I’m standing back I ask to choose a path I want to sustain, I ask myelf what do… 1) I enjoy doing and can offer real value to people for; 2) Can see myself doing over the longer run; 3) Looks profitable too.
I’m glad to see I’m being more thoughtful this time around. But keep getting anxious. Any thoughts on that? Specifically, is there a clear line in the sand between deadly procrastination and being careful?…Likewise, choosing between stay at home Internet Biz Building vs. building speaker based business. Both fit my interests…and skills. Yet pulled between the two. Chicken or egg . And don’t see myself pulling both off at same time. Tell me what to do and I will do it.
Answer: You can pull off both at the same time. Being “careful” is smart. Don’t drive into traffic. Drive with it. That said, you can’t be a speaker without being successful on the Internet. So, you begin with Internet.
Question: I have been reading Coffee with Kevin Hogan for years. I have your programs and books. There IS something you do NOT address anywhere and it baffles me. This has happens to me and many other people I know. Why is it, you’ll get taken for a ride by some (not all) of the very same people you try to help? You could treat someone as family, treat them good, give them opportunity, help them financially help, etc. I am generally a good hearted person and like to help people, I hate to see people suffer. And it seems, some of these same people will rip you off, and steal from you after a while. I’m sure, since you are successful and help people too, this happens to you also. It’s like they resent you for helping them? They want to even with you for something? I just don’t get it.
Answer: You are discovering human nature. Excellent. And yes, people will ALMOST ALWAYS resent you for being charitable to them. Let’s say 80% of the time. It is an amazing phenomenon that I’ll discuss in an article soon for you.
Answer: The 8 minutes is a reference point I use in influencing others. If people don’t say “yes” in 8 minutes, then they don’t trust you or they truly don’t want what you are offering them, whether it is you, your product or your service.
3 Seconds is a reference point. After you have spent a year or two analyzing and checking your results for say 500-1000 people, you will have developed a learned acuity for reading body language within the context and culture you studied and observed people. That acuity allows you to develop refined knowledge that is much quicker than 3 seconds. It is a nonconscious 1/2 second in most cases.
None of this is to say you will be “right” all the time. It is to say you will be internally concluding what someone’s body language and nonverbal communication means almost instantly with a higher than chance accuracy level.
Answer: Understanding someone is *extremely* difficult. Reading someone’s body language will tell you if they like you or not. It will tell you if they are experiencing anxiety or not. You will be able to gauge emotions and even thoughts sometimes. BUT, you will not be able to “understand” someone at their core being and deepest levels of meaning. That can take a lifetime and still not know…and frankly, we don’t understand even ourselves, do we?
Answer: It promises to cause awareness that wasn’t there in the past, that if you utilize it, will help you know what people are going to do and often how they feel. Sometimes, some cues come across with laser accuracy where others are fuzzier. One thing is for sure: You will be able to know a lot more about what someone is telling you nonconsciously and consciously than you did before you read the book.
Maybe the greatest promise of the book is it will help you cause other people to feel comfortable and at ease around you which is one of the things we all desire more than just about anything. We want people to like us and like being with us.
Answer: I believe I pretty accurately portray the scientific research in an easy to understand way. There are very few absolutes in life and when you read the book you will see that exceptions are part of the ultimate result of the generalities made. I can’t think of any absolutes in communication off hand. People must READ the book to learn that cues and gestures do NOT mean the same thing in every context. They mean different things in different contexts in different cultures.
You can be certain there are no “definitions of gestures.” There are a FEW very high probability gestures and body positions that typically mean something within a context in a culture but beyond that, this reading body language and nonverbal communication is something that requires study, practice and evaluation.
Answer: 🙂 That’s cute. Seeing someone touch their nose doesn’t mean they are lying. Nor does it mean they are happy, smart or sad. Men and women each lie about 3 times in a fifteen minute conversation. If people touched their nose every time they lied, they might as well just tape it there because it’s going to be there a lot!
The nose and the area above the nose can have increased blood flow when the person feels anxiety. That increased blood flow can easily cause an “itchy” sensation and that can cause people to want to “touch” or scratch their nose. The same is true for their ears. That said, anxiety doesn’t mean lying. And lying doesn’t mean anxiety. The two things OFTEN are true at the same time, but not often enough to have a “rule” about the concept.
Answer: Some officers are better than average at detecting deception and part of that comes from the fact they are looking for deception almost all of the time. Often, some police officers become quite good at analyzing deceptive cues.
Body language doesn’t work like that. That’s why it is a “Secret Language.” When you read the book, you’ll find that people have tendencies depending on who is in an environment, where the person is, the subject they are discussing, etc.
There is no encyclopedia or list of ANYTHING a person does that will guarantee they are honest and sincere. You must learn to analyze the environmental impact on a person (are they in Church? at a Mosque? a Nightclub?). Gestures in the different places mean very different things even though the person might be using the exact same gesture in each place.
Answer: Some friends and family are glad I am good at knowing approximately what they are thinking. It makes communication much easier. Other people sometimes ask if I’m paying attention to what they are doing. I rarely am. I lead a very busy life and as much as I’d like to attend to everyone’s thoughts, I need to trust the people around me.
For the very latest in cutting-edge persuasion….
Science of Influence
The Science of Influence Part VI – The Persona of Influence
Knowing Who They are and Who They Think You Are
The first sets of the SIXTH Volume have just arrived from the manufacturer!
For those of you who have only been here for a year or less, The Science of influence CD Series Volumes 61-72 is my effort to top what most everyone reports as their favorite of the series, 49-60.
When I listened to it, I felt comfortable that this program accomplished that. I’d like to say by “a mile” but that isn’t true. 49-60 is one heck of an amazing program and this is a LITTLE better.
The field of influence and it’s subfield persuasion continue to grow with fresh research from the best minds on the planet.
Almost all of these books were rehash of Cialdini, Carnegie, or myself. There wasn’t really anything new.
But the professional research journals were a different story.
Here’s some of what I’ve distilled from current research that you can put into immediate use:
We learned a lot about the relationship of how people “feel about products, services and people” and the mental shortcuts they use to buy.
So, Who Is Your Customer, Anyway?
- What do they think?
- How do they feel?
- Does it matter?
So what? Can that be used for ANYTHING?
Turns out it can….
Authenticity and Identity in Persuasion
It’s in a cluster I call IDENTITY.
Identity research could fill 12 CD’s all by itself, but that would have left too much excluded that I wanted you to have NOW.
So, I put together the core concepts of IDENTIFICATION and IDENTITY and how YOU can utilize this cluster of information in influencing others.
One example would be something like,
“If you know someone is a Republican who voted for Bush in the last election, how does that help me predict what they will think, buy, and feel about it all today when I ask them to buy from me?”
Obviously we all identify with other people.
Around the house here and in the home office, you’ll hear people refer to me as being just like HOUSE (House M.D./Hugh Laurie). I find that hard to imagine as he is older than I am and uses a cane….
In public, people tell me that I remind them of Kelsey Grammer, Robin Williams, Drew Carey and David Letterman all rolled into one. Must be a very overweight guy….
So the point is that they identify me….with them.
That means they will SEE ME through those filters. Those filters will completely change their perceptions of me, my work and whether they will hire me or not.
Identification and Identity are profound areas of influence research that are now coming to the surface. It’s nothing short of fascinating and of course no one knows about it yet.
I DID see a couple of Internet Marketers use material that they got at Boot Camp where I touched on Identity. I think they did rather well in their launch…..
Aside from that you will be the first to use this virgin research.
Because the concept of “persona” is so poorly understood and underutilized outside of show business and branding, I do show you how to develop your own persona. Little is more important in being THE person want to do business with…I’ll come to that in a minute….
I decided not to open with something so profound, however.
10 Simple Steps to Persuade Anyone.
Mark Joyner, who is probably the wealthiest and savviest Internet Marketer on the planet, asked me to write a small piece of his book, Simpleology. (Very good book btw)
He wanted 10 steps I use when I persuade. Not when other people persuade, but when I do, and he wanted me to make them simple and easy to understand no matter how complex they are.
That was a challenge but in doing some self-modeling I was able to develop quite a cool construct that I’ve never written about and now for the first time you get it all.
This one overly long CD is of significant value to those who want to influence, especially in business. I’d like to say it’s worth the price of admission but would you think one CD could be worth $600?
Maybe not…it is…but maybe not. So I’ll just say it’s pretty excellent and leave it at that….
Influencing the Long Tail
Finding the meeting point in the world between you and the universe of people who would LOVE to do business with you, is the subject of the next couple of CD’s.
KEYPOINT: YOU are THE answer for a group of people out there.
I show you how to project the image you need to project to draw that group to you.
This portion of Science of Influence Six is just too cool. It was a lot of fun to synthesize the work that’s been done in this area and make it pretty simple to understand and just as easy to make real for you.
Persuasion’s Best Kept Secret
In Science of Influence Four, I briefly touched on MVD.
MVD is short for Most Valued Dimension.
No one (no one) had ever reported this phenomenon to the public except …me.
So for most people, it was so unusual that it went right over their heads. But about 20 people wrote this year and asked a ton of questions about how to calculate the MVD for themselves.
This is an incredibly potent persuasion tool that is waiting for people to learn. This is NOT easy and it is NOT simple.
I have made it approachable.
If you really want to know WHY people pick YOU and YOUR PRODUCT, this is the answer. Once you know WHY people pick YOU, it is a lot easier to project those FEATURES (NOT BENEFITS) to the public.
Once again, if I could say that this CD was worth the price of admission…..but I won’t. I’ll wait for YOU to tell ME.
How do Mind Readers Know What You’re Thinking?
The other thing people constantly ask is how I read their minds so easily.
It’s in CD 66.
The Mind Reading CD is flat out worth the price of admission, no maybe’s about it. It’s frigging excellent.
Yes. I show you what to do, what to say, and how.
Enough said….you’ll see. (And do listen to this CD numerous times.)
The Ultimate Power Factor in Persuasion.
CD 67 discusses in detail the two most important factors in persuasion, bar none.
In detail that I’ve never given this subject, you will gain an awakening awareness to these two core concepts of behavior and the keys to control of behavior.
Subliminal Persuasion & Perception
The 3rd most commonly requested information was “subliminal X.”
Man, do people want to know about subliminal stuff and you should, too, because it is the future of marketing and influence.
Sooooo….you get it one crystal clear hour where I pound out recent research and what it means to how you will persuade, or not.
Fewer people ask for “recent research” unless we count “what’s new in persuasion,” and then that is what the next program is about.
Current Research Gives You a 3:1 Edge
Current research in persuasion is voluminous and over the next two CD’s I cover a LOT of stuff quite quickly almost always with examples and specifics for YOU.
New research is always intoxicating because it is stuff no one knows about yet…because it is new.
And I love new stuff…
Eminently useful immediately.
You will like. You will put into use immediately.
The final two CD’s are pretty cool.
A Complete Guide to Analyzing Your Customer.
For the first time ever, I show you how to analyze your customer.The questions you want to ask YOURSELF about YOUR CUSTOMER (or the girl or whoever) and then I show you how to utilize that analysis to cause people to “change their minds” (and yes, their behavior).
Once again, cutting-edge research merges with real world applications and makes you the master. (Well, maybe not after listening just once…but, drill this stuff into your brain a few times, and you will do very well, indeed.)
Science of Influence Volumes 61-72 will take you through the next quantum leap.
It’s not only cool, it’s approachable, it’s exciting, it’s intense. You will be the first to have almost all of this information. You will be the first to use this information and I’m excited to be the person who gives it to you.
12 Audio CD’s
150-Page Manual on CD