with Kevin Hogan, Psy.D.
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This Week’s Questions:
Q… (a) Not sure if you can answer these… How can a guy be in an exclusive sexual relationship with a woman without, at some level, feeling like he is paying for her to stay with him (if he pays for the dates)?
Humans are creatures of reciprocal relationships. It’s pretty normal to question the meaning of any relationship, particularly those that we value the most. Every human thinks about and weighs what they are getting out of a relationship. I would suggest that is very healthy.
(b) The difference between an escort and an “exclusive” girl friend is that the girlfriend would be upset if you died in a car crash. (That is what you’re looking for here, isn’t it?) Here’s a question for you. If YOU did NOT get paid, would you go to work for your employer’s office and work all month, next month? Of course not. I would imagine that you’ve been there for several years, longer than any relationship you’ve had. Therefore the difference is not duration or payment. Nor is it devotion. I bet you work part-time for another company. The number of minutes the determining factor? If so the plumber and professional speaker both get paid to come for an hour…. So the difference is not behavioral, it is about procreation. We anticipate raising a family with our girlfriend but not our plumber (maybe), professional speaker (maybe) or prostitute (maybe).
(c) Most women do not agree on a logical level that it is fair to split payments (living or dating expenses). More women than men will agree that they provide other things in exchange for certain securities and promises. Throughout 2 million years of human history, the man has ideally provided safety and security for the woman who would bear their children and, in exchange, she would more often than not, be bonded to him.
(d) You can’t “get” most women to pay 50/50 for their dates, and when that happens you know evolution has gone awry. Think about it from a male perspective. Do YOU want to be with a girl who will happily pay for 50% of the date? Expenses? I know one thing, I’ll pass…. “Hi there, Kevin Hogan. I saw you sittin’ over here. You’re relatively attractive to the point I’d like you to pay for dinner and drinks tonight when we go out together….” Follow out the scenario. It doesn’t work in real life, and you wouldn’t want it to.
Q…Simple question, Kevin. Why did all of the companies we work for, the banks and the other companies that invest our money lie to us when they knew it would all fall apart and they would be found out?
Answer: 15 years ago companies made all these promises based on the premise they would get a 10% return on their money in investments. They had nothing to lose by telling you that you’d get paid for work…when you no longer work. Sorry that is a Ponzi Scheme. (See Ponzi Scheme, at the end of the Q/A) It works for the people who get in early and must collapse later. It always collapses. Not “probably will collapse.” It ALWAYS collapses. In part this is the individual’s fault. We are greedy. We want what is not possible. We want to get an 8 or 10 or 12% return on our investment, over and above, inflation, and we don’t want to hear how they do it. We want to get paid for what we have not earned. It can’t happen. Similarly whether it’s your own company, the government, or your bank or the pension company or whoever, you can’t reasonably expect them to know anything about money. (Argue with me that bankers, the President of Auto Company X, Bank Y, Insurance Company Z, The President of the United State know ANYTHING about earning a profit, They don’t.) You see what they know. They know how to be greedy, corrupt and act in a criminal fashion and get away with it. That’s a different set of skills.
You are entrusting your ENTIRE LIFE into someone’s hands. Think about it. WHY? What could POSSIBLY possess you to do that? It’s probably because I experienced real life when I was a child. A lot of people died, theft of what little I had as a kid and the leaving of a parent that helped me to see how the world works. Everyone has learned a great lesson that will make the future set of decisions to be in preserving that which you work for.
Here is a rule of thumb. If you earn it, it’s likely to be there when you retire. If you “invested/gambled” for the money, it was not earned and IF you still “have it,” it will likely not mean much when you retire. Perhaps one or two years of nest egg.
You can’t pay people to not work. Pensions, social security, medicare, these are all things that are all Ponzi shemes and cannot possibly serve all those that were lied to on day one. “Come to work for the government/the big company and you’ll have a pension.” Maybe person’s a-k but not L-Z. One group of employees gets robbed to pay for the group that collects.
Answer: You can keep some stock market winnings tax deferred. I’ve heard it argued that there is an underlying asset when you buy stock in a business. But that is a pretty marginal argument. Playing the market and playing blackjack are essentially the same thing. Only play with what you can easily replace by work.
Q…. I have a very good friend who is in professional insurance sales and wants to get into another industry. He needs to make a six-figure income and I told him that I would ask someone who trains salespeople every day on some good options. What industry or product would you sell knowing what you now know if income was a high priority?
Answer: Easy. Internet Businesses. I’d put in 70 hours or more per week until I was earning 10k or 20k per month; then do whatever it took to maintain that. The Internet favors the intelligent and the hard worker. You can’t really fail if you choose to do well. It’s not about “luck.” It is one of the few raw mathematical plus effort plays on the planet. Off the Internet, selling real estate is where I would go. Perhaps pharmaceuticals with a good company. But why would I not have Internet businesses??? For a start, see Internet Marketing E-Course
Q… A new study involving iPods and teenagers by the University of Colorado at Boulder and Children’s Hospital Boston indicates teenagers who receive pressure from others to turn down the volume of their iPods instead turn them up higher. Assuming that this also happens with drugs, alcohol, and sax, how would you word things so that they ‘turn down the volume’? Why do relatively intelligent people do such stupid things?
Your conscious mind, the part that is actively processing rational information, computing, wants to understand why others do stupid things. It’s because the vast majority of our behavioral choices occur at the nonconscious level. People express their desire for self control through moments of rebellion. They will do what THEY CHOOSE, not what you TELL THEM to do.
I could give you hypnotic language patterns that might or might not be effective. Better is having people tell you what their behavior will be and having them become evangelical about it. It’s a process of conditioning other people, not a sentence you can repeat daily. Those things only cause the behavior.
Q….I bought the Body Language Home Study Course. I liked the way you walk people through how to analyze other people’s body language. But there is so much information it’s hard for me to know what is most important to do in the analysis process?
Answer: You can’t learn a foreign language in a day, but you can learn a little every day. Most people can be speaking any language at a basic level in months. Same with body language.
Most important? Differences of the body movements from context to context. That is the home run of interpretation.
Q….I’ve been reading Coffee with Kevin Hogan for almost four years. You’ve been telling people to buy gold to the point where I became so annoyed with reading it I actually went to an online store and bought 10 ounces of gold. Since then that investment has doubled and everything else in my life has lost money. So, thanks for bothering me. And secondly, are you still buying gold? By the way how did YOU know this was all going to happen?
- The government started printing money under the Bush Administration in a big way. Obviously a very bad thing. (Now under Obama, it’s exponentially worse.)
- The stock market was EXTREMELY expensive with a PE ratio in the 20’s. It’s STILL 18 with the market at 7000. The market is still at least 50% too expensive compared to its value. The highest probability is that it will go down much further against inflation.
- You own gold so you don’t go broke and have something valuable when everything else goes to hell….like it has started to in the last year.
I didn’t KNOW. I simply looked at history and realized the market couldn’t go up for long from where it was when it hit about 10,000. At that point it was obvious the market needed to be at about 5,000 with the same earnings to be a good place to put my hard earned money. That combined with the printing of money made gold an obvious choice.
I wish I could claim I was a financial genius. I’m not. Far from it. I own a business and I know it’s not worth 18 times earnings! It’s worth 5-10 times earnings. But 18? 22? Come, come.
And gold isn’t the final answer in life’s quest for survival and safety and securing a future of wealth creation.
It’s just the only real choice the average Joe has.
I guessed correctly because I do fifth grade math very well….PE ratio and deficit/debt. That’s really all you have to look at for B+ average forecasting as to what to do with what you earn and keep.
Of course people should still own metals and in fact STUFF in general. Check out the price of coffee. Unlike the stock market, it’s dirt cheap…. Stocks are expensive. Stuff (coffee, tobacco, sugar, etc.) is starting to get cheap.
Earnings have gone down with the market so it’s value hasn’t changed. People who had money in a 401 k think that it’s now time to go up. That’s not likely to happen compared to inflation. More likely the market will bottom (if we are lucky it will bottom and the currency itself won’t become worthless in five years) when the PE is around 5 or 10, which currently means when the market is around 2500. But who knows that could still be too high. We’ll see. I just do the fifth grade math. I’m not psychic.
Please, be wise with what you earn. Think. Think. Think. Money too easily come by is usually recklessly cared for. Would you let your children be taken care of by other parents 24/7, checking in only on your monthly statements? Not checking in YOURSELF with the proxies? The statement doesn’t mean anything. That of course is the Lesson of Madoff who learned from the government how to build a Ponzi Scheme.
Definition: Ponzi Scheme – Ponzi was a guy with a simple idea. Get people to give you cash in exchange for pieces of paper that promise a 50% return on their money in 90 days.
Upon confirming that 50% you ask if the investor would like to reinvest. Most do. For quite awhile this went on and Ponzi became incredibly wealthy. Then redemptions began and, of course, Ponzi and those he schemed with lost their money and paid the price of greed. Maybe he got the idea from watching banks and how they do business without keeping cash in the vault?
The government borrowed Ponzi’s idea and started “social security.”
Companies borrowed the idea and started “pensions.”
It all looks great….until the redemptions hit.
Then people look around and pretend to be shocked, surprised and feign looks of horror that their own delusion of getting paid for doing nothing didn’t work.