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Influence: Being Assertive
Without Being a Jerk

by Kevin Hogan

When the Other Person Becomes Aggressive

"What the heck are you doing throwing away my socks and putting them on the dinner plate?"

Assertive people aren't required to react or respond to stupid behavior. You can just yawn and walk away if you like when people do stupid things.

If someone yells, who cares? Let them yell and then go put the socks in the hamper. They felt stupid. They needed to finally get it and usually that means they have to feel stupid. Now they don't do it any more, and they feel smart.

Assertion is most effective when you are calm and someone else is acting crazy and aggressive.

When people are being aggressive, you have permission to smile, letting people know they are being hostile. You can speak very softly, repeat yourself once and then walk away.

See the Bigger Picture...

A third scenario....

We all have dreams. The problem is many of us have gotten into the habit of letting people squash our dreams. If you are serious about the things you want in life, then you need to go after them. You cannot allow other people to control you and keep you from reaching your dreams.

When you are assertive, you have control of situations instead of letting other people have control without your permission.

EXERCISE:

Take a minute right now to look deep down inside and come up with a list of the things that you want for your life.

Next, write a (quick) list of what you need to do in order to make these things happen for you. Tell yourself right now that you are not going to let other people hold you back anymore. Write that down or type it into your computer and print it out as a reminder.

When you have confidence in yourself, speaking to other people and letting them know your true feelings will come easier. As long as you believe in yourself and let that come out when you speak, people will respect your opinion and listen to you. You can accomplish a lot in life. Having the support of someone else is nice but not crucial.

Never let other people make you feel pressured into doing things that they want if you know that it is not something that you are good with doing.

When you speak to people with confidence and assertiveness, you can persuade them to see your point of view. Hear the other person out, completely.

Feed it back so they get that YOU get what they are saying.

That's a fundamental point.

You get them and are NOT telling them how crazy they are.

AND

You are telling the person what they have said to confirm that YOU GET what they are thinking.

(Who knows, every now and then they might be right?!!?!)

Then it's your turn.

How will your life be different when you become more assertive?...

Continue: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |

Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732

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