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Influence: Being Assertive
Without Being a Jerk

by Kevin Hogan

In order to develop the ability to assert, you will need to you learn how to make your requests known with intelligent communication and tonality that is perceived as calm.

Add in good eye contact, good body language and of course a confident voice. You should never try to belittle the other person or make them feel inferior or you will immediately turn them to the defensive side.

Talk in a calm voice and make your thoughts clear. If you assert effectively, you will win friends and supporters as people will realize that you stand up for yourself and others.

Do:

• Use Intelligent Communication
• Exude Calm
• Use Good Eye Contact
• Be Aware of Body Language
• Use a Confident Voice

• Make Unreasonable Demands
• Be Hostile
• Use a Haughty Voice or Manner
• Belittle the Other Person
• Put the Other Person on the Defensive

Build Your Confidence to Become More Assertive

Here is an example of a simple starting point for standing up for your rights ...

Let's say that your spouse never picks up after themselves.

(This would drive me nuts.)

You may say to them, "Honey, would you please pick up your socks off the floor?" Now for some people this might work and they will pick up their socks. Unfortunately there are some people who will just blow you off when you ask them a simple request like this. If you live with one of those people, you will need to take another approach.

One way to get them to pick up their socks is to make a confident statement, like, "I am no longer going to pick up your socks off the floor. If you do not pick up your socks, I will place them on your plate for dinner." (And smile.) That's a pretty strong image and nothing else needs to be said. You go back to work.

You could also tell them if they will not pick up their socks and you have to pick them up, they will go in the trash. If they run out of socks that will be their problem and not yours.

Isn't that aggressive behavior?

No.

It's teaching behavior. It's called negative reinforcement in Psychology 101 and it is required when people don't THINK and need to be dealt with at the next step.

It's not pleasant for anyone else to have socks on Dad/Mom's dinner plate, but one thing is for sure, the point will be made. Self responsibility is crucial in a family or any setting where there are other people affected by stupid behavior.

What if hubby or wifey yells and gets all aggressive?

How to handle someone who's being aggressive?...

Continue: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |

Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732

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