Home
Store
Need a Speaker?
Biography

E-mail me

kevin@
kevinhogan.com

Influence: Being Assertive
Without Being a Jerk

by Kevin Hogan

By being assertive, you are simply looking out for your own "rights." You do not want to trample on other people's "rights," you just want to make sure yours are not trampled on.

And that is something that other people often need to be GENTLY reminded of.

(BTW: Remember we still have the second guy's stinky socks on the floor and he's been told a hundred times this is not cool.)

There is no benefit in being as big of a jerk as the person who has practiced being a jerk for decades.

Don't bring yourself to the level of an idiot. DO try and bring them UP to your level.

So....the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness?

When you are assertive, you ask people openly and directly for what you want.

That's it.

That's all it is.

An assertive person shows confidence and reassurance when they make a request. Although you will be asking for your own wants and preferences, you always do it making sure that you respect other peoples rights.

You do not expect anyone to be able to read your mind. You are direct and open in expressing yourself.

Being aggressive means you will try to get what you want by whatever means it takes even if it causes bad feelings in others. An aggressive person may use coercion, threats and even resort to begging. An aggressive person does not think about the other person's feelings.... only what they want. An aggressive person does not want to look at "both sides" only their own and will use whatever means they can to get what they want.

Problem: You may get what you want in the short-term by being aggressive, but you will become known as a bad person or bully by using this behavior. (i.e. a jerk) When you become known as an "aggressive person," people will want to avoid you and will immediately become defensive every time you ask them for anything.

Meanwhile, the assertive person is able to motivate and direct other people to respect their rights and in fact in respect to EVERYONE's RIGHTS and interests. By being assertive, you are only clearly stating what you want in order to have your rights met and your interests considered.

As an assertive person, you are able to give direction to what you want in a positive, confident fashion.

At no point are you seen as a jerk.

And the good thing is that on most days, you don't have to "assert yourself."

But when you DO need to stand forward, there are a few things you can do to make it all a lot easier on yourself.

How do you develop assertiveness?...

Continue: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |

Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732

 • Biography •• Body Language • • Catalog/Store •• Tinnitus ••  Influence/Persuasion ••o